Chapter-20: Non-verbal Communication in Details
20.1 Introduction and basics
20.2 Body language definitions
20.3 Background and history
20.4 Nature or nurture?
20.5 Body language and evolution
20.6 Universal facial expressions
20.7 Reading and analyzing body language
20.8 Body language signals and meanings :-
20.9 Mirroring (synchronizing) body language
20.10 Seating positions and arrangements
20.11 Body language - examples of cultural differences
20.12 Flirting, courtship, dating and mating body language - male and female
20.13 Glossary - main body language terms
20.14 Body language references and books
20.15 Other audible signals
NON- VERBAL COMMUNICATION: INTRODUCTION AND BASIC
What is the non-verbal past of the message?
Nonverbal communication consists of that part of a message that is not encoded in words. The
nonverbal part of the message tends to be less conscious and often reveals the sender’s feelings and
preferences more spontaneously and honestly than the verbal part. If the verbal message does not
match the nonverbal communication, people tend to believe the nonverbal message. The nonverbal
aspects of communication are so closely intermingled with the verbal that it is difficult to separate
them. People receiving verbal and non-verbal messages combine them with the context in which the
communication takes place and interpret the total message.
Four types of nonverbal messages
Non-verbal communication can be classified into four types.
1. Personal (to the individual)
2. common to a group of people or culture
3. universal (to humankind)
4. unrelated to the message (random)
Personal Nonverbal communication involves kinds of nonverbal behaviour that are unique to one
person. The meaning is also unique to the person sending the message. For example, someone may
work while talking, another person may work in silence. One person may laugh due to nervousness or
fear, while another may cry.
Cultural nonverbal communication, by contrast, is characteristics of, or common to, a group of people. It
is learned unconsciously by observing others in the society group. In Aboriginal culture, for example, eye
contact is less acceptable than it is European culture.
Universal nonverbal communication is behaviour that is common to humankind. It shows happiness,
sadness or deep-seated feelings – for example, a smile or tears.
Unrelated nonverbal communication, such as a sneeze, is unrelated to the verbal message. It can
distract from the verbal message, but has little effect on the meaning of the verbal part of the message.
How to analyze non-verbal communication?
People communicate nonverbally with body movement and with personal relationship behaviors.
This nonverbal communication changes or complements the verbal communication. Nonverbal
communication always occurs in a context, or framework. The context often determines the meaning
of the nonverbal behavior. On different occasions the same nonverbal gesture may have completely
different meanings. Without context and spoken works, nonverbal behavior is almost impossible to
interpret with any accuracy.
Different aspects of non-verbal communication
Theoretical writings and research classify nonverbal communication into seven main areas:
1. Body movement (kinesics behaviour)
2. Physical characteristics
3. Touching behaviour
4. Vocal qualities (paralanguage)
5. Space (proximity)
7. Environment
Body movement, or kinesics behaviour, includes movement of the hands, head, feet and legs, posture,
eye movements and facial expressions – all these affect the message. Body posture – the way a person
stands, leans forward. A person leaning forward, pointing and shaking a finger at someone is seen as
trying to dominate the other person. The way this is received by others, and the type of feedback given,
determines how the communication will flow. For example, emblems are non-verbal acts learnt through
Non-verbal Communication in different countries across the world:
When a Chinese converse with an American friend of the opposite sex, would it be indecent to looking at the
An American says, “yes”, while lowering the eyes. Dose he really mean “yes”?
If two young Chinese friends of the same sex walk with their arms around each other’s shoulder or hold hands,
would English-speaking people regard this as proper?
These are not questions about language, but about body language, about nonverbal communication.
What’s the body language? It has the definitions in both narrow and broad senses. In the narrow sense, body
language includes body movement and facial expression, which can send messages. As to the broad one, it includes
gesture、posture、 facial expression、 timbre of the speaker、 distance between speaker and listener, and clothes
of the speaker (胡文仲 1988. 10.). In my point of view, body language should includes facial expressions, body
movements, and body contact.
In the social interaction, when we converse with others, we communicate by much more than words. By our
expressions, gestures and other body movements, we convey messages to the other people. Body language exists in
every culture, but not all body languages mean the same thing in different cultures. Different peoples have different
ways of making nonverbal communication. The answers to the questions of this paper at the beginning are all "no".
As the global village tends to become smaller and smaller, it is more important for people to communicate across
culture and language barriers, particularly to those who have verbal language barriers. In fact, body language is more
important to people from other culture than it is to the native. To native-born people, the spoken word is by far the
most important communicational tool. In other culture, however, the way words are spoken along with the gestures,
postures and the facial expressions that accompany those words is of greater significance.
Ⅱ. Content—cultural differences between China and American in body language conveying emotional feelings
Body language has three major functions: assisting, substituting and expressing or hiding emotional feelings. ( 胡
文仲 ,1998.10 ) Emotion is the most complicated thing of human being. To express one’s inner feelings is even more
difficult. As the convey made by experts, human beings seldom express their complex feeling in words, and in some
situation, it is more than words can convey exactly. And even though they express it by spoken words, they usually
perform gestures along with it. This is because the body language is more articulate than words in communicating
emotion. For example, the Chinese that says, “Yes”, while lowering the eyes may mean, “No”, because sometimes
they feel reluctant to disrupt the harmony of the relationship by directly saying so (for example, when father ask you
to do something which you don’t like, you may also say “Yes” in order to keep the harmonious relation with Dad).
In the mainstream American culture, the folded arms of resolve, the grimace of pain or anger, the hand wringing of
anxiety, are powerful communicators of emotions. When people are sad, crying may be more suitable than words to
express it. Think about how much more convinced you are, for example, that a group of children are excited when
they jump up and down than if they simply state, “ We are very excited.”
According to the above description, we can see that body language diverse in different cultures, so does it used
in expressing emotional feelings. Therefore, in this paper, I attempt to make a comparison the differences of body
language used in expressing the emotional feelings betweens China and America.
2.1 To show friendliness
You may see two men walk hand in hand or with an arm around another's shoulder. It is a sign of friendship in
China. However, Americans strongly disapprove it. The situation is regarded as homosexual in American culture.
In China, if two old friends meet somewhere after several years. They may pull or push each other, or they may
pat other' s shoulder to show their close friendship. Americans seldom do this. It is rude to touch others wildly even
though he is the intimate friend in American culture.
If a Chinese, attempting to show his friendliness, stands to close to an American. The American will step back,
wanting to keep a certain distance. This is because America belongs non-touching cultures. They like to keep about 30
inches apart from one another, which is considered their personal" comfort zone".
In China, a common complaint of American mothers is that Chinese often fondle their babies and very small
children. Such behaviors like touching, patting, hugging or kissing may be considered rude, intrusive and offensive in
American culture, even though those behaviors are merely signs of friendliness or affection in Chinese culture.
When meeting others, to show respect or friendliness, Chinese usually shake hands or nod. In America, you can
see people often hug or kiss to show friendliness, which is quite embarrassing and awkward for Chinese, especially
between the opposite sex. In China, kissing is only for lovers or parents to children.
If you invite an American friend to dinner in your house, to show hospitality, you may serve food constantly in
his plate. But he may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, because in American custom, one must eat up food in his
plate, if not, he might be regarded as a grandiose man, let alone to mention they do not like some certain dishes (for
example viscera of animals)
When people (both Americans and Chinese) find something is curious, they may glare blankly . But when Chinese
glares at an American, it may makes the latter angry, because in American Culture, staring at people or holding a
glance too long is considered improper.
There is also a dominant curiosity in the class, where an American teacher teaches in a Chinese school. Chinese
students will feel unaccustomed when they see their foreign teacher sitting on the desk to teach. They consider it as a
rude manner, and the gesture may break the teaching rule. But to American, the action is only to minimize the tense
atmosphere of the class and shorten the distance from students. So the most common complaint of American teacher
is that they feel too conservative, too formal, and too dull at Chinese class. In this aspect, it can show a big cultural
gap between Chinese and Americans.
Grey face, shouting and gnashing etc. usually present one’s anger. In China, stamping one's foot also show one's
anger, but in America, it shows one' s feeling of impatience.
In China, people will cry sadly at the funeral rites. According to Chinese culture, people who don’t cry when
attending the funeral are not filial persons. But in America, people rarely cry loudly at that moment, because
according to American custom, crying in front of the public is a kind of lacking accomplishment.
2.4 To show indifference.
To show one's indifference, people usually ignore the existence of others. But in some situation, it may cause
some problems. In America, when two persons are talking, they must look at each other. If not, one who doesn’t look
may be considered that he is indifferent and may be regarded as a rude manner. In China, looking at people too long
when talking may make the others very uncomfortable, especially talking to ladies.
Arms akimbo is a common gesture to show one’s rage in both culture. Besides, American usually used a gesture--
extending the forefinger and makes a circular motion near the temple or ear to show that someone is crazy, because
to the psychology, crazy man is something wrong with his brain. But when Americans do this, it may be embarrassed
to Chinese people, because it is just a gesture of thinking in China.
American always avoid making sound which spur out from body, such as, sneezing, cough, snuffle, spitting, fart,
blowing nose, clearing throat, making gurgle of stomach and so on. They always try to constrain making this kind of
sound at the face of others, if not, they will make apology to others. But Chinese don’t view those gestures so serious
as Americans. Chinese take it as a normal presentation of physiology. It used to be regarded as ridding the body of a
waste-an act of personal hygiene. So to Chinese, it is unnecessary to make apology as long as he doesn’t make sound
towards people or food.
In China, a common presentation of people who are angry is that he will pat the table. This can be traced back to
ancient time. The gesture appeared in the process of those officials trying the legal cases. When they are angry, they
pat the platform to frighten the suspect to confess. The other gesture is that when people are angry, they usually
brow their moustache and sometimes their hair hanging on the forehead, which you can see in the Chinese play.
Some gestures seen common in China may make American feel uncomfortable or even disgusted. The following
When Chinese people drink hot soup, they often brow the surface of the soup first . Moreover, they may make
some sound when they swallow it. American regards it as an impolite gesture, because in their culture, making a
sound when eating is a very bad manner. On the other hand, Chinese view Americans' eating with hands as a dirty
American regards it as a dirty manner when they see Chinese sitting on the ground with a piece of paper under
his bottoms. In American concept, it is an action of insanitation, because they view this as a presentation of throwing
waste paper. In the converse, it is just a case of sanitation in China, because the paper can keep the trousers clean.
Maybe it is because the two views are of different focus. Chinese focus on his own benefit while Americans a little
Americans often chew their fingernails to express their emotional stress, worry and not knowing what to do, but
chewing the fingernail is considered to be unsanitary in China.
When Chinese people see a friend wearing beautiful clothes or making a nice hairstyle, they tend to touch it to
see how it is made. The manner is only a feeling of admiration, but it is impolite to American.
To push one’s way though crowd, American usually use two hands to push against the crowd. In China, people,
however, are accustomed to get through the crowed by their bodies with the arms keeping close to two sides. Both
gestures have their own reason. Americans want to keep wider personal area than Chinese, so they push away the
people by their hands before their bodies are touched. Chinese view this gesture as an overbearing manner. On the
other hand, Americans feel very antipathy when Chinese touch others’ bodies without the remark “ Excuse me.
Both Chinese and American may chin up to point the direction. In China, people may also scoop up their lips along
with it. In America, scooping up the lips at others is a gesture of flirtation.
2.7 To express affection
In china, public display of affection is rare, but in America, the occasion is very common.
Hugging and kissing when greeting are common in America, but they are only used to express affection among
In china, one particular gesture for people to imply their love is winking their eyes to his or her lover, which
however, may be only a flirtatious gesture by man.
2.8 To show embarrassment
“ Nodding the head up and down” means “ Yes” and “ shaking the head side to side” means “No”. At this point,
China is the same as America. But in some situation, the action of the head in America may confuse Chinese. For
example, “ you should not be discouraged.” Mother said to us. We all shook our heads. Chinese may be confused
in American’s shaking head at that moment. Shaking head means “No. We won’t be discouraged” in words. But it
means “ 是”(yes) when translated into Chinese. So Chinese will nod the head at the same situation.
Smiles and laughter usually convey friendliness, approval, satisfaction, pleasure and joy etc. This is generally true
in China as well as America. However, there are situations when some Chinese will laugh that will cause negative
reactions by Americans. To illustrate, here is an example:
When an American is parking his bicycle, for example, and the bicycle accidentally falls over, he feels embarrassed
at his awkwardness, and is quite angered and humiliated when Chinese onlookers laugh. I have seen the same thing
happen in the dining room, when a foreigner dropped a plate quite by accident and felt bad and Chinese onlookers
laughed, compounding his discomfort and causing anger and bad feeling.
Such laughter, of course, is not at the person or his misfortune—whether he be a foreigner or a Chinese. It can
convey a number of feelings: don’t take it so seriously; laugh it off, it’s nothing; such things can happen to any of us,
etc. However, for people who are unaware of this attitude, the reaction to such laughter is usually quite unpleasant
and often generates ill feeling towards those laughing.
Silence may mean agreement, but also disagreement in communication in Chinese culture. However, in
America, silence usually means failure of communication. So, sometimes, the Chinese keeping silence may make
American embarrassed, because they don’t know whether others agree or not; or whether they understand or don’t
understand him. So you can see American teachers always tell students to nod the head when understanding and
shake the head when don’t understand. In China, although, in some situation, one doesn’t understand or agree with
the speaker, he may also keep silence. This is just a gesture of respect to speaker, especially, to the elder.
2.9 Some other differences
In China, if people feel shy, they may cover his face with both hands, and when people show others that doing
something is shy, they may do this—forefinger of one hand extended, tip touches one’s own face several times
quickly; similar to scratching, but with the forefinger straight (usually with the remark “shame on you”). In America,
people show shame by this—forefinger of each hand extended, palms down in front of one’s body; one forefinger
makes several brushing movements over the back of the other forefinger.
Lowering or swaggering one's head is used to show one's disappointment. But American also show his
unfortunate with thumb down which is regarded as despising or looking down up others in China.
In America, to despise some one, they often make a gesture like this-- pushing the nose with thumb and
swaggering the other four fingers. However, in China, the gesture--putting the fist up in front of chest with the thump
down is used to express this sense.
People often use one hand covering the mouth and yawn or pat the open mouth slightly with fingers of one hand
to show their impatience or their indifference in something. But in China, people usually stretch the left hand with
palm down and support the palm with the forefinger of the right hand in the middle to show it.
Tensing one's face, frown and fidget often convey one's inner worry. This is the same in both cultures. There are
still some gestures particular in China. For example, you can see a girl scratching a corner of the clothes, or sometimes
scratching her hair or sweeping her forehead as if she is sweating even though it is cold.
Body language communication is as effective as words—may be even more. Body language exists in every culture,
but it is also diverse in every culture is woven inextricably into our social lives. However, the “ vocabulary” of gestures
can be expressive and entertaining but also can be dangerous. The same gesture may mean completely different
thing, and some gestures may be taboo in other culture. As the globalization hastens its pace, all cultures influence
and infiltrate further. Some values and ideas of one country have altered and even are replaced. To maintain certain
concept rigidly turns out to be ignorant. Presently we can find that some gestures we use daily originate from other
countries. For example, “shrugging one’s shoulders with two arms down and palm out” means “ I don’t know.” In
the world of body languages, the best single piece of advice is to remember the two A’s—“Ask” and “aware”(Axtell,
Roger E. Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the world. John Wiley & Son, 1991) if you see a
motion or gesture that is new or confusing, ask a local person what it signifies. Just be aware of the many body signs
and customs around you.
Body language - basics and introduction
Body language is a powerful concept which successful people tend to understand well.
The study and theory of body language has become popular in recent years because psychologists have been able to
understand what we 'say' through our bodily gestures and facial expressions, so as to translate our body language,
revealing its underlying feelings and attitudes.
Body Language is also referred to as 'non-verbal communications', and less commonly 'non-vocal communications'.
The term 'non-verbal communications' tends to be used in a wider sense, and all these terms are somewhat vague.
For the purposes of this article, the terms 'body language' and 'non-verbal communications' are broadly
interchangeable. This guide also takes the view that body language/non-verbal communications is the study of how
people communicate face-to-face aside from the spoken words themselves, and in this respect the treatment of the
subject here is broader than typical body language guides limited merely to body positions and gestures.
If you carry out any serious analysis or discussion you should clarify the terminology in your own way to suit your
Does body language include facial expression and eye movement? - Usually, yes.
What about breathing and perspiration? - This depends on your definition of body language.
And while tone and pitch of voice are part of verbal signals, are these part of body language too? - Not normally,
but arguably so, especially as you could ignore them if considering only the spoken words and physical gestures/
There are no absolute right/wrong answers to these questions. It's a matter of interpretation.
A good reason for broadening the scope of body language is to avoid missing important signals which might not be
considered within a narrow definition of body language.
Nevertheless confusion easily arises if definitions and context are not properly established, for example:
It is commonly and carelessly quoted that 'non-verbal communications' and/or 'body language' account for up to 93%
of the meaning that people take from any human communication. This statistic is actually a distortion based on Albert
Mehrabian's research theory, which while itself is something of a cornerstone of body language research, certainly
did not make such a sweeping claim.
Mehrabian's research findings in fact focused on communications with a strong emotional or 'feelings' element.
Moreover the 93% non-verbal proportion included vocal intonation (paralinguistics), which are regarded by many as
falling outside of the body language definition.
Care must therefore be exercised when stating specific figures relating to percentages of meaning conveyed, or in
making any firm claims in relation to body language and non-verbal communications.
It is safe to say that body language represents a very significant proportion of meaning that is conveyed and
interpreted between people. Many body language experts and sources seem to agree that that between 50-80% of
all human communications are non-verbal. So while body language statistics vary according to situation, it is generally
accepted that non-verbal communications are very important in how we understand each other (or fail to), especially
in face-to-face and one-to-one communications, and most definitely when the communications involve an emotional
Body language is especially crucial when we meet someone for the first time.
We form our opinions of someone we meet for the first time in just a few seconds, and this initial instinctual
assessment is based far more on what we see and feel about the other person than on the words they speak. On
many occasions we form a strong view about a new person before they speak a single word.
Consequently body language is very influential in forming impressions on first meeting someone.
The effect happens both ways - to and from:
• When we meet someone for the first time, their body language, on conscious and unconscious levels,
largely determines our initial impression of them.
• In turn when someone meets us for the first time, they form their initial impression of us largely from our
body language and non-verbal signals.
And this two-way effect of body language continues throughout communications and relationships between people.
Body language is constantly being exchanged and interpreted between people, even though much of the time this is
happening on an unconscious level.
Remember - while you are interpreting (consciously or unconsciously) the body language of other people, so other
people are constantly interpreting yours.
The people with the most conscious awareness of, and capabilities to read, body language tend to have an advantage
over those whose appreciation is limited largely to the unconscious.
You will shift your own awareness of body language from the unconscious into the conscious by learning about the
subject, and then by practising your reading of non-verbal communications in your dealings with others.
Body language is more than body positions and movements
Body language is not just about how we hold and move our bodies.
Body language potentially (although not always, depending on the definition you choose to apply) encompasses:
• how we position our bodies
• our closeness to and the space between us and other people (proxemics), and how this changes
• our facial expressions
• our eyes especially and how our eyes move and focus, etc
• how we touch ourselves and others
• how our bodies connect with other non-bodily things, for instance, pens, cigarettes, spectacles and
• our breathing, and other less noticeable physical effects, for example our heartbeat and perspiration
Body language tends not to include:
• The pace, pitch, and intonation, volume, variation, pauses, etc., of our voice.
Arguably this last point should be encompassed by body language, because a lot happens here which can easily be
missed if we consider merely the spoken word and the traditional narrow definition of body language or non-verbal
Voice type and other audible signals are typically not included in body language because they are audible 'verbal'
signals rather than physical visual ones, nevertheless the way the voice is used is a very significant (usually
unconscious) aspect of communication, aside from the bare words themselves.
Consequently, voice type is always important to consider alongside the usual body language factors.
Similarly breathing and heartbeat, etc., are typically excluded from many general descriptions of body language, but
are certainly part of the range of non-verbal bodily actions and signals which contribute to body language in its fullest
More obviously, our eyes are a vital aspect of our body language.
Our reactions to other people's eyes - movement, focus, expression, etc - and their reactions to our eyes - contribute
greatly to mutual assessment and understanding, consciously and unconsciously.
With no words at all, massive feeling can be conveyed in a single glance. The metaphor which describes the eyes of
two lovers meeting across a crowded room is not only found in old romantic movies. It's based on scientific fact - the
strong powers of non-verbal communications.
These effects - and similar powerful examples - have existed in real human experience and behavior for thousands of
The human body and our instinctive reactions have evolved to an amazingly clever degree, which many of us ignore
or take for granted, and which we can all learn how to recognize more clearly if we try.
Our interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial expressions, is instinctive, and with a little thought and
knowledge we can significantly increase our conscious awareness of these signals: both the signals we transmit, and
the signals in others that we observe.
Doing so gives us a significant advantage in life - professionally and personally - in our dealings with others.
Body language is not just reading the signals in other people.
Importantly, understanding body language enables better self-awareness and self-control too.
We understand more about other people's feelings and meanings, and we also understand more about these things
When we understand body language we become better able to refine and improve what our body says about us,
which generates a positive improvement in the way we feel, the way we perform, and what we achieve.
Body language definitions
As explained, the terms body language and non-verbal communications are rather vague.
So what is body language? And more usefully, what might we regard it to be, if we are to make the most of studying
The Oxford English Dictionary (revised 2005) definition is:
"Body language - noun - the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are
communicated [for example]: his intent was clearly expressed in his body language."
The Oxford Business English Dictionary offers a slightly different definition. Appropriately and interestingly the Oxford
Business English Dictionary emphasizes the sense that body language can be used as a tool, rather than it being an
involuntary effect with no particular purpose:
"Body language - noun - the process of communicating what you are feeling or thinking by the way you place and
move your body rather than by words [for example]: The course trains sales people in reading the customer's body
The OED dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term for body language - depends on the interpretation
of 'non-verbal communication':
"Kinesics - the study of the way in which certain body movements and gestures serve as a form of non-verbal
Body language is more than those brief descriptions.
• Body language certainly also encompasses where the body is in relation to other bodies (often referred to
• Body language certainly also includes very small bodily movements such as facial expressions and eye
• Body language also arguably covers all that we communicate through our bodies apart from the spoken
words (thereby encompassing breathing, perspiration, pulse, blood-pressure, blushing, etc.)
In this respect, standard dictionary definitions don't always describe body language fully and properly.
We could define body language more fully as:
"Body language is the unconscious and conscious transmission and interpretation of feelings, attitudes, and moods,
• body posture, movement, physical state, position and relationship to other bodies, objects and
• facial expression and eye movement,
(and this transmission and interpretation can be quite different to the spoken words)."
Words alone - especially emotional words (or words used in emotional situations) - rarely reflect full or true meaning
We find clues to additional or true meaning in body language.
Being able to 'read' body language therefore helps us greatly:
• to know how people feel and what they mean, and
• to understand better how people might be perceiving our own non-verbal signals, and (often overlooked)
• to understand ourselves better, deeper than the words we hear ourselves saying.
Body language - background and history
Philosophers and scientists have connected human physical behavior with meaning, mood and personality for
thousands of years, but only in living memory has the study of body language become as sophisticated and detailed
Body language studies and written works on the subject are very sparse until the mid-1900s.
The first known experts to consider aspects of body language were probably the ancient Greeks, notably Hippocrates
and Aristotle, through their interest in human personality and behavior, and the Romans, notably Cicero, relating
gestures to feelings and communications. Much of this early interest was in refining ideas about oration - speech-
making - given its significance to leadership and government.
Isolated studies of body language appeared in more recent times, for example Francis Bacon in Advancement of
Learning, 1605, explored gestures as reflection or extension of spoken communications. John Bulwer's Natural
History of the Hand published in 1644, considered hand gestures. Gilbert Austin's Chironomia in 1806 looked at using
gestures to improve speech-making.
Charles Darwin in the late 1800s could be regarded as the earliest expert to have made serious scientific observation
about body language, but there seems little substantial development of ideas for at least the next 150 years.
Darwin's work pioneered much ethological thinking. Ethology began as the science of animal behavior. It became
properly established during the early 1900s and increasingly extends to human behavior and social organization.
Where ethology considers animal evolution and communications, it relates strongly to human body language.
Ethologists have progressively applied their findings to human behaviour, including body language, reflecting the
evolutionary origins of much human non-verbal communication - and society's growing acceptance of evolutionary
rather than creationist theory. Austrian zoologist and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad Lorenz (1903-89) was a
founding figure in ethology. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked Ape, discussed below, is an ethologist, as is the
evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins (b. 1941) a leading modern thinker in the field. Ethology, like psychology, is an
over-arching science which continues to clarify the understanding of body language.
The popular and accessible study of body language as we know it today is very recent.
In his popular 1971 book 'Body Language', Julius Fast (1919-2008) wrote: "...kinesics [body language] is still so new as
a science that its authorities can be counted on the fingers of one hand..."
Julius Fast was an American award winning writer of fiction and non-fiction work dealing especially with human
physiology and behaviour. His book Body Language was among the first to bring the subject to a mainstream
Significantly the references in Julius Fast's book (Birdwhistell, Goffman, Hall, Mehrabian, Scheflen, etc - body language
references and books below) indicate the freshness of the subject in 1971. All except one of Julius Fast's cited works
are from the 1950s and 1960s.
The exception among Fast's contemporary influences was Charles Darwin, and specifically his book The Expression
of the Emotions in Man and Animals, written in 1872, which is commonly regarded as the beginnings of the body
language science, albeit not recognized as such then.
Sigmund Freud and others in the field of psychoanalysis - in the late 1800s and early 1900s - would have had good
awareness of many aspects of body language, including personal space, but they did not focus on non-verbal
communications concepts or develop body language theories in their own right. Freud and similar psychoanalysts
and psychologists of that time were focused on behavior and therapeutic analysis rather than the study of non-verbal
A different view of human behavior related to and overlapping body language, surfaced strongly in Desmond Morris's
1967 book The Naked Ape, and in follow-up books such as Intimate Behavior, 1971. Morris, a British zoologist and
ethologist, linked human behavior - much of it concerned with communications - to human 'animalistic' evolution. His
work remains a popular and controversial perspective for understanding people's behaviors, and while his theories
did not focus strongly on body language, Morris's popularity in the late 1960s and 1970s contributed significantly to
the increasing interest among people beyond the scientific community - for a better understanding of how and why
we feel and act and communicate.
An important aspect of body language is facial expression, which is arguably one part of body language for which
quite early 'scientific' thinking can be traced:
Physiognomy is an obscure and related concept to body language. Physiognomy refers to facial features and
expressions which were/are said indicate the person's character or nature, or ethnic origin.
The word physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin, and earlier Greek (phusiognominia), which originally meant
(the art or capability of) judging a person's nature from his/her facial features and expressions. The ancient roots
of this concept demonstrate that while body language itself is a recently defined system of analysis, the notion of
inferring human nature or character from facial expression is extremely old.
Kinesics (pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee') is the modern scientific or technical word for body language.
The word kinesics was first used in English in this sense in the 1950s, deriving from the Greek word kinesis, meaning
motion, and seems to have first been used by Dr Ray Birdwhistell, an American 1950s researcher and writer on body
The introduction of a new technical word - (in this case, kinesics) - generally comes after the establishment of the
subject it describes, which supports the assertion that the modern concept of body language - encompassing facial
expressions and personal space - did not exist until the 1950s.
Proxemics is the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. The word was devised in the late
1950s or early 1960s by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist. The word is Hall's adaptation of the word
proximity, meaning closeness or nearness.
From the word kinesics, Ray Birdwhistell coined the term kine to refer to a single body language signal. This is not to
be confused with the ancient and same word kine, meaning a group of cows. Neither word seems to have caught on
in a big way, which in one way is a pity, but in another way probably makes matters simpler for anyone interested in
the body language of cows.
The Greek word kinesis is also a root word of kinaesthetics, which is the 'K' in the VAK ('hear feel') learning styles
Kinaesthetics (also known as kinesthetics) in the study of learning styles, is related to some of the principles of body
language, in terms of conveying meaning and information via physical movement and experience.
Body language is among many branches of science and education which seek to interpret and exploit messages and
meaning from the 'touchy-feely' side of life.
For example, the concepts of experiential learning, games and exercises, and love and spirituality at work - are
all different perspectives and attempts to unlock and develop people's potential using ideas centred around
kinaesthetics, as distinct from the more tangible and easily measurable areas of facts, figures words and logic.
These and similar methodologies do not necessarily reference body language directly, but there are very strong inter-
Bloom's Taxonomy, and Kolb's Learning Styles are also helpful perspectives in appreciating the significance of
kinaesthetics, and therefore body language, in life and work today.
The communications concepts of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and Transactional Analysis are closely
dependent on understanding body language, NLP especially.
Body language - nature or nurture?
Body language is part of human evolution, but as with many other aspects of human behavior, the precise mixture of
genetic (inherited) and environmental (learned or conditioned) influences is not known, and opinions vary.
Julius Fast noted this, especially regarding facial expressions. To emphasize the shifting debate he cited for example:
• Darwin's belief that human facial expressions were similar among humans of all cultures, due to
• Bruner and Taguiri's opposing views - in the early 1950s, after thirty years of research, they largely rejected
the notion that facial expressions were inborn.
• and Ekman, Friesan and Sorensen's findings) - in 1969, having discovered consistent emotional-facial
recognition across widely diverse cultural groups, which supported Darwin's evolutionary-centred ideas.
The discussion has continued in a similar vein to the modern day - studies 'proving' genetic or environmental cause -
'nature' or 'nurture' - for one aspect of body language or another.
The situation is made more complex when one considers the genetic (inherited) capability or inclination to learn body
language. Is this nature or nurture?
Body language is partly genetic (inborn - 'nature') - hugely so in certain aspects of body language - and partly
environmental (conditioned/learned - 'nurture').
Some body language is certainly genetically inherited and consistent among all humans. Other body language is
The use and recognition of certain fundamental facial expressions are now generally accepted to be consistent and
genetically determined among all humans regardless of culture.
However the use and recognition of less fundamental physical gestures (hand movements for example, or the winking
of an eye), and aspects of personal space distances, are now generally accepted to be environmentally determined
(learned, rather than inherited), which is significantly dependent on local society groups and cultures.
Certain vocal intonation speech variations (if body language is extended to cover everything but the spoken words)
also fall within this environmentally determined category.
In summary, we can be certain that body language (namely the conscious and unconscious sending and receiving of
non-verbal signals) is partly inborn, and partly learned or conditioned.
Body language is part 'nature' and part 'nurture'.
Body language and evolution
The evolutionary perspectives of body language are fascinating, in terms of its purpose and how it is exploited, which
in turn feeds back into the purpose of body language at conscious and unconscious levels.
Human beings tend to lie, deceive, manipulate, and pretend. It's in our nature to do this, if only to a small degree in
For various reasons people intentionally and frequently mask their true feelings. (Transactional Analysis theory is very
useful in understanding more about this.)
In expectation of these 'masking' tendencies in others, humans try to imagine what another person has in their
mind. The need to understand what lies behind the mask obviously increases according to the importance of the
Body language helps us to manage and guard against these tendencies, and also - significantly especially in flirting/
dating/mating rituals - body language often helps people to communicate and resolve relationship issues when
conscious behaviour and speech fails to do so.
Body language has evolved in spite of human awareness and conscious intelligence: rather like a guardian angel, body
language can help take care of us, connecting us to kindred souls, and protecting us from threats.
While the importance of body language in communications and management, etc., has become a popular interest
and science in the last few decades, human beings have relied on body language instinctively in many ways for many
Early natural exponents of interpreting body language were for example the poker players of the American Wild
West. The winners had not only to be handy with a six-shooter, but also skilled in reading other people's non-verbal
signals, and controlling their own signals.
Before these times, explorers and tribal leaders had to be able to read the body language of potential foes - to know
whether to trust or defend or attack.
Earlier than this, our cavemen ancestors certainly needed to read body language, if only because no other language
Humans have also learned to read the body language of animals (and vice-versa), although humans almost certainly
had greater skills in this area a long time ago. Shepherds, horse-riders and animal trainers throughout time and still
today have good capabilities in reading animal body language, which for many extends to the human variety. Monty
Roberts, the real life 'Horse Whisperer' is a good example.
Body language, and the reading of non-verbal communications and feelings, are in our genes. Were these factors not
in our genes, we would not be here today.
Women tend to have better perception and interpretation of body language than men. This is perhaps a feature of
evolutionary survival, since females needed good body language skills to reduce their physical vulnerability to males
and the consequential threat to life, limb and offspring. Females might not be so physically vulnerable in modern
times, but their body language capabilities generally continue typically to be stronger than the male of the species.
Thus, women tend to be able to employ body language (for sending and interpreting signals) more effectively than
Katherine Benziger's theories of brain types and thinking styles provides useful additional perspective. Women tend
to have more empathic sensitivity than men, which naturally aids body language awareness and capabilities. Aside
from gender differences, men and women with strong empathic sensitivity (typically right-basal or rear brain bias)
tend to be better at picking up body language signals.
The six universal facial expressions - recognized around the world
It is now generally accepted that certain basic facial expressions of human emotion are recognized around the world
- and that the use and recognition of these expressions is genetically inherited rather than socially conditioned or
While there have been found to be minor variations and differences among obscurely isolated tribes-people, the
following basic human emotions are generally used, recognized, and part of humankind's genetic character:
These emotional face expressions are:
Charles Darwin was first to make these claims in his book The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals,
published in 1872. This book incidentally initially far outsold The Origin of Species, such was its wide (and
controversial) appeal at the time.
Darwin's assertions about genetically inherited facial expressions remained the subject of much debate for many
In the 1960s a Californian psychiatrist and expert in facial expressions, Paul Ekman, (with Sorenson and Friesen -
conducted and published extensive studies with people of various cultures to explore the validity of Darwin's theory
- that certain facial expressions and man's ability to recognize them are inborn and universal among people. Ekman's
work notably included isolated tribes-people who could not have been influenced by Western media and images, and
essentially proved that Darwin was right - i.e., that the use and recognition of facial expressions to convey certain
basic human emotions is part of human evolved nature, genetically inherited, and not dependent on social learning or
Body language is instinctively interpreted by us all to a limited degree, but the subject is potentially immensely
complex. Perhaps infinitely so, given that the human body is said to be capable of producing 700,000 different
movements (Hartland and Tosh, 2001
As with other behavioral sciences, the study of body language benefited from the development of brain-imaging
technology in the last part of the 20th century. This dramatically accelerated the research and understanding into
connections between the brain, feelings and thoughts, and body movement. We should expect to see this effect
continuing and providing more solid science for body language theory, much of which remains empirical, i.e., based
on experience and observation, rather than scientific test.
Given the potential for confusion, here are some considerations when analysing body language:
Body language also depends on context: body language in a certain situation might not mean the same in another.
Some 'body language' isn't what it seems at all, for example:
• Someone rubbing their eye might have an irritation, rather than being tired - or disbelieving, or upset.
• Someone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather than being defensive.
• Someone scratching their nose might actually have an itch, rather than concealing a lie.
Sufficient samples/evidence
A single body language signal isn't as reliable as several signals:
As with any system of evidence, 'clusters' of body language signals provide much more reliable indication of meaning
than one or two signals in isolation.
Avoid interpreting only single signals. Look for combinations of signals which support an overall conclusion, especially
for signals which can mean two or more quite different things.
Certain body language is the same in all people, for example smiling and frowning (and see the six universally
recognizable facial expressions above), but some body language is specific to a culture or ethnic group.
Awareness of possible cultural body language differences is especially important in today's increasingly mixed
Management and customer service staff are particularly prone to misreading or reacting inappropriately to
body language signals from people of different ethnic backgrounds, a situation made worse because this sort of
misunderstanding tends to peak when emotions are high.
Personal space preferences (distances inside which a person is uncomfortable when someone encroaches) can vary
between people of different ethnicity.
In general this article offers interpretations applicable for Western culture.
If you can suggest any different ethnic interpretations of body language and I'll broaden the guide accordingly.
Body language is relative to age and gender
Many body language signals are relative.
A gesture by one person in a certain situation can carry far more, or very little meaning, compared to the same
gesture used by a different person in a different situation.
Young men for example often display a lot of pronounced gestures because they are naturally energetic, uninhibited
and supple. Older women, relatively, are less energetic, adopt more modest postures, and are prevented by clothing
and upbringing from exhibiting very pronounced gestures.
So when assessing body language - especially the strength of signals and meanings - it's important to do so in relative
terms, considering the type of person and situation involved.
Some people artificially control their outward body language to give the impression they seek to create at the time.
A confident firm handshake, or direct eye contact, are examples of signals which can be quite easily be 'faked' -
usually temporarily, but sometimes more consistently.
However while a degree of faking is possible, it is not possible for someone to control or suppress all outgoing signals.
This is an additional reason to avoid superficial analysis based on isolated signals, and to seek as many indicators as
possible, especially subtle clues when suspecting things might not be what they seem. Politicians and manipulative
salespeople come to mind for some reason.
Looking for 'micro gestures' (pupils contract, an eyebrow lifts, corner of the mouth twitch) can help identify the true
meaning and motive behind one or two strong and potentially false signals.
These micro gestures are very small, difficult to spot and are subconscious, but we cannot control them, hence their
Boredom, nervousness and insecurity signals
Many body language signals indicate negative feelings such as boredom, disinterest, anxiousness, insecurity, etc.
The temptation on seeing such signals is to imagine a weakness on the part of the person exhibiting them.
This can be so, however proper interpretation of body language should look beyond the person and the signal - and
consider the situation, especially if you are using body language within personal development or management. Ask
What is causing the negative feelings giving rise to the negative signals?
It is often the situation, not the person - for example, here are examples of circumstances which can produce
negative feelings and signals in people, often even if they are strong and confident:
• dominance of a boss or a teacher or other person perceived to be in authority
• overloading a person with new knowledge or learning
• stress caused by anything
• cold weather or cold conditions
• lack of food and drink
• illness or disability
• alcohol or drugs
• being in a minority or feeling excluded
• unfamiliarity - newness - change
Ask yourself, when analysing body language:
Are there external factors affecting the mood and condition of the individual concerned?
Do not jump to conclusions - especially negative ones - using body language analysis alone.
Body language - translation of gestures, signs and other factors - quick reference guide
When translating body language signals into feelings and meanings remember that one signal does not reliably
Clusters of signals more reliably indicate meaning.
This is a general guide. Body language should not be used alone for making serious decisions about people.
Body language is one of several indicators of mood, meaning and motive.
This is a guide, not an absolutely reliable indicator, and this applies especially until you've developed good capabilities
of reading body language signs.
Some of these signs have obvious meanings; others not so.
Even 'obvious' signs can be missed - especially if displayed as subtle movements in a group of people and if your
mind is on other things - so I make no apology for including 'obvious' body language in this guide.
Also remember that cultural differences influence body language signals and their interpretation. This guide is based
on 'Western World' and North European behaviors. What may be 'obvious' in one culture can mean something
different in another culture.
Body language signs translation
The body language signals below are grouped together according to parts of the body.
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements.
This is a summary of the main body language signals. More signals and meanings will be added.
Suggest any other signals that you wish to know, and I'll add them.
Body language is not an exact science.
No single body language sign is a reliable indicator.
Understanding body language involves the interpretation of several consistent signals to support or indicate a
Our eyes are a very significant aspect of the non-verbal signals we send to others.
To a lesser or greater extent we all 'read' people's eyes without knowing how or why, and this ability seems to be
Eyes - and especially our highly developed awareness of what we see in other people's eyes - are incredible.
For example we know if we have eye contact with someone at an almost unbelievable distance. Far too far away to
be able to see the detail of a person's eyes - 30-40 meters away or more sometimes - we know when there is eye
contact. This is an absolutely awesome capability when you think about it.
Incredibly also, we can see whether another person's eyes are focused on us or not, and we can detect easily the
differences between a 'glazed over' blank stare, a piercing look, a moistening eye long before tears come, and an
awkward or secret glance.
We probably cannot describe these and many other eye signals, but we recognize them when we see them and we
When we additionally consider the eyelids, and the flexibility of the eyes to widen and close, and for the pupils
to enlarge or contract, it becomes easier to understand how the eyes have developed such potency in human
A note about eyes looking right and left
(Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements)
Eyes tend to look right when the brain is imagining or creating, and left when the brain is recalling or remembering.
This relates to right and left sides of the brain - in this context broadly the parts of the brain handling creativity/
feelings (right) and facts/memory (left). This is analysed in greater detail below, chiefly based on NLP theory
developed in the 1960s. Under certain circumstances 'creating' can mean fabrication or lying, especially (but
not always - beware), when the person is supposed to be recalling facts. Looking right when stating facts does
not necessarily mean lying - it could for example mean that the person does not know the answer, and is talking
hypothetically or speculating or guessing.
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements.
eyes creating,
fabricating,
guessing, lying,
storytelling
eyes recalling,
remembering,
retrieving 'facts'
eyes visual imagining,
fabrication, lying
Creating here is basically making things up and saying them.
Depending on context this can indicate lying, but in other
circumstances, for example, storytelling to a child, this would be
perfectly normal. Looking right and down indicates accessing feelings,
which again can be a perfectly genuine response or not, depending
on the context, and to an extent the person.
Recalling and and then stating 'facts' from memory in appropriate
context often equates to telling the truth. Whether the 'facts'
(memories) are correct is another matter. Left downward looking
indicates silent self-conversation or self-talk, typically in trying to
arrive at a view or decision.
Related to imagination and creative (right-side) parts of the
brain, this upwards right eye-movement can be a warning sign of
fabrication if a person is supposed to be recalling and stating facts.
eyes imagining sounds Sideways eye movements are believed to indicate imagining (right)
eyes accessing feelings This is a creative signal but not a fabrication - it can signal that the
eyes recalling images
truthfulness
eyes recalling or
remembering
sounds
eyes self-talking,
rationalizing
eyes honesty - or faked
honesty
or recalling (left) sounds, which can include for example a person
imagining or fabricating what another person has said or could say.
person is self-questioning their feelings about something. Context
particularly- and other signals - are important for interpreting more
specific meaning about this signal.
Related to accessing memory in the brain, rather than creating or
imagining. A reassuring sign if signalled when the person is recalling
and stating facts.
Looking sideways suggests sounds; looking left suggests recalling
or remembering - not fabricating or imagining. This therefore could
indicate recalling what has been said by another person.
Thinking things through by self-talk - concerning an outward view,
rather than the inward feelings view indicated by downward right
looking.
Direct eye contact is generally regarded as a sign of truthfulness,
however practised liars know this and will fake the signal.
eyes attentiveness,
interest, attraction
eyes interest, appeal,
invitation
eyes disbelief, upset, or
tiredness
eye shrug eyes frustration An upward roll of the eyes signals frustration or exasperation, as if
eyes attraction, desire The pupil is the black centre of the eye which opens or closes to
Eyes which stay focused on the speakers eyes, tend to indicate
focused interested attention too, which is normally a sign of
attraction to the person and/or the subject.
Widening the eyes generally signals interest in something or
someone, and often invites positive response. Widened eyes with
raised eyebrows can otherwise be due to shock, but aside from this,
widening eyes represents an opening and welcoming expression.
In women especially widened eyes tend to increase attractiveness,
which is believed by some body language experts to relate to
the eye/face proportions of babies, and the associated signals of
attraction and prompting urges to protect and offer love and care,
etc.
Rubbing eyes or one eye can indicate disbelief, as if checking the
vision, or upset, in which the action relates to crying, or tiredness,
which can be due boredom, not necessarily a need for sleep. If the
signal is accompanied by a long pronounced blink, this tends to
support the tiredness interpretation.
looking to the heavens for help.
let in more or less light. Darkness causes pupils to dilate. So too,
for some reason does seeing something appealing or attractive.
The cause of the attraction depends on the situation. In the case of
sexual attraction the effect can be mutual - dilated pupils tend to
be more appealing sexually that contracted ones, perhaps because
of an instinctive association with darkness, night-time, bedtime,
etc., although the origins of this effect are unproven. Resist the
temptation to imagine that everyone you see with dilated pupils is
sexually attracted to you.
eyes excitement,
pressure
eyes various Infrequent blink rate can mean different things and so offers no
eyes greeting,
recognition,
acknowledgement
winking eyes friendly
acknowledgement,
complicity (e.g.,
sharing a secret or
joke)
Normal human blink rate is considered to be between six and twenty
times a minute, depending on the expert. Significantly more than this
is a sign of excitement or pressure. Blink rate can increase to up to a
hundred times a minute. Blink rate is not a reliable sign of lying.
single clue unless combined with other signals. An infrequent blink
rate is probably due to boredom if the eyes are not focused, or can
be the opposite - concentration - if accompanied with a strongly
focused gaze. Infrequent blink rate can also be accompanied by
signals of hostility or negativity, and is therefore not the most
revealing of body language signals.
Quickly raising and lowering the eyebrows is called an 'eyebrow
flash'. It is a common signal of greeting and acknowledgement, and is
perhaps genetically influenced since it is prevalent in monkeys (body
language study does not sit entirely happily alongside creationism).
Fear and surprise are also signalled by the eyebrow flash, in which
case the eyebrows normally remain raised for longer, until the initial
shock subsides.
Much fuss was made in May 2007 when George W Bush winked at
the Queen. The fuss was made because a wink is quite an intimate
signal, directed exclusively from one person to another, and is
associated with male flirting. It is strange that a non-contact wink
can carry more personal implications than a physical handshake, and
in many situations more than a kiss on the cheek. A wink is given
additional spice if accompanied by a click of the tongue. Not many
people can carry it off. Additionally - and this was partly the sense in
which Bush used it - a wink can signal a shared joke or secret.
The mouth is associated with very many body language signals, which is not surprising given its functions - obviously
speech, but also those connected with infant feeding, which connects psychologically through later life with feelings
of security, love and sex.
The mouth can be touched or obscured by a person's own hands or fingers, and is a tremendously flexible and
expressive part of the body too, performing a central role in facial expressions.
The mouth also has more visible moving parts than other sensory organs, so there's a lot more potential for variety of
Unlike the nose and ears, which are generally only brought into body language action by the hands or fingers, the
mouth acts quite independently, another reason for it deserving separate detailed consideration.
Smiling is a big part of facial body language. As a general rule real smiles are symmetrical and produce creases around
the eyes and mouth, whereas fake smiles, for whatever reason, tend to be mouth-only gestures.
signal part of
pasted smile mouth faked smile A pasted smile is one which appears quickly, is fixed for longer than
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
a natural smile, and seems not to extend to the eyes. This typically
indicates suppressed displeasure or forced agreement of some sort.
tight-lipped mouth secrecy or Stretched across face in a straight line, teeth concealed. The smiler has
smile withheld
twisted smile mouth mixed feelings
feelings
or sarcasm
mouth faked smile More of a practised fake smile than an instinctive one. The jaw is
a secret they are not going to share, possibly due to dislike or distrust.
Can also be a rejection signal.
Shows opposite emotions on each side of the face.
dropped lower than in a natural smile, the act of which creates a
smile.
Head tilted sideways and downwards so as to part hide the face, from
which the smile is directed via the eyes at the intended target.
mouth playfulness,
teasing, coy
mouth upset Like rubbing eyes can be an adult version of crying, so jutting or
laughter mouth relaxation Laughter deserves a section in its own right because its such an
mouth nervousness,
cooperation
biting lip mouth tension One of many signals suggesting tension or stress, which can be due to
teeth grinding mouth tension,
suppression
chewing gum mouth tension,
suppression
smoking mouth self-comforting Smoking obviously becomes habitual and addictive, but aside from
pushing the bottom lip forward is a part of the crying face and
impulse. Bear in mind that people cry for reasons of genuine upset, or
to avert attack and seek sympathy or kind treatment.
interesting area. In terms of body language genuine laughter is a sign
of relaxation and feeling at ease. Natural laughter can extend to all the
upper body or whole body. The physiology of laughter is significant.
Endorphins are released. Pain and stress reduces. Also vulnerabilities
show and can become more visible because people's guard drops
when laughing.
Unnatural laughter is often a signal of nervousness or stress, as an
effort to dispel tension or change the atmosphere. Artificial laughter is
a signal of cooperation and a wish to maintain empathy.
high concentration, but more likely to be anxiousness.
Inwardly-directed 'displacement' (see body language glossary)
sign, due to suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other
suppressant.
As above - an inwardly-directed 'displacement' sign, due to
suppression of natural reaction. Otherwise however can simply be to
freshen breath, or as a smoking replacement.
this people put things into their mouths because it's comforting like
thumb-sucking is to a child, in turn rooted in baby experiences of
feeding and especially breastfeeding.
mouth self-comforting A self-comforting impulse in babies and children, substituting breast-
feeding, which can persist as a habit into adulthood.
mouth self-comforting Like smoking and infant thumbsucking. The pen is the teat. Remember
pursing lips mouth thoughtfulness,
or upset
tongue poke mouth /
disapproval,
tongue
rejection
that next time you chew the end of your pen...
As if holding the words in the mouth until they are ready to be
released. Can also indicate anxiousness or impatience at not being
able to speak. Or quite differently can indicate upset, as if suppressing
crying.
The tongue extends briefly and slightly at the centre of the mouth as
if tasting something nasty. The gesture may be extremely subtle. An
extreme version may be accompanied by a wrinkling of the nose, and
a squint of the eyes.
mouth /
suppression,
hands
holding back,
shock
nail biting mouth /
frustration,
hands
suppression
Often an unconscious gesture of self-regulation - stopping speech for
reasons of shock, embarrassment, or for more tactical reasons. The
gesture is reminiscent of the 'speak no evil' wise monkey. The action
can be observed very clearly in young children when they witness
something 'unspeakably' naughty or shocking. Extreme versions of the
same effect would involve both hands.
Nail-biting is an inwardly-redirected aggression borne of fear, or some
other suppression of behaviour. Later nail-biting becomes reinforced
as a comforting habit, again typically prompted by frustration or fear.
Stress in this context is an outcome. Stress doesn't cause nail-biting;
nail-biting is the outward demonstration of stress. The cause of the
stress can be various things (stressors). See the stress article for more
detail about stress.
The head is very significant in body language.
The head tends to lead and determine general body direction, but it is also vital and vulnerable being where our brain
is, so the head is used a lot in directional (likes and dislikes) body language, and in defensive (self-protection) body
A person's head, due to a very flexible neck structure, can turn, jut forward, withdraw, tilt sideways, forwards,
backwards. All of these movements have meanings, which given some thought about other signals can be
The head usually has hair, ears, eyes, nose, and a face, which has more complex and visible muscular effects than any
The face, our eyes and our hands, are the most powerful parts of our body in sending body language signals.
The head - when our hands interact with it - is therefore dynamic and busy in communicating all sorts of messages -
consciously and unconsciously.
signal part of
head nodding head agreement Head nodding can occur when invited for a response, or voluntarily
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
head attentive
listening
head hurry up,
impatience
head held up head neutrality,
head held head superiority, Especially if exhibited with jutting chin.
alertness
while listening. Nodding is confusingly and rather daftly also referred
to as 'head shaking up and down'. Head nodding when talking face-
to-face one-to-one is easy to see, but do you always detect tiny head
nods when addressing or observing a group?
This can be a faked signal. As with all body language signals you must
look for clusters of signals rather than relying on one alone. Look at
the focus of eyes to check the validity of slow head nodding.
Vigorous head nodding signifies that the listener feels the speaker has
made their point or taken sufficient time. Fast head nodding is rather
like the 'wind-up' hand gesture given off-camera or off-stage by a
producer to a performer, indicating 'time's up - get off'.
High head position signifies attentive listening, usually with an open or
undecided mind, or lack of bias.
high fearlessness,
arrogance
head non-
threatening,
submissive,
thoughtfulness
head /
interest,
positive
reaction
head criticism,
admonishment
head shaking head disagreement Sideways shaking of the head generally indicates disagreement,
head strong
disagreement
head negative,
disinterested
head defeat,
tiredness
chin up head pride, defiance,
confidence
head /
attention,
interest,
attraction
A signal of interest, and/or vulnerability, which in turn suggests a
level of trust. Head tilting is thought by some to relate to 'sizing up'
something, since tilting the head changes the perspective offered by
the eyes, and a different view is seen of the other person or subject.
Exposing the neck is also a sign of trust.
Head forward in the direction of a person or other subject indicates
interest. The rule also applies to a forward leaning upper body,
commonly sitting, but also standing, where the movement can be a
distinct and significant advancement into a closer personal space zone
of the other person. Head forward and upright is different to head
tilted downward.
Head tilted downwards towards a person is commonly a signal of
criticism or reprimand or disapproval, usually from a position of
authority.
but can also signal feelings of disbelief, frustration or exasperation.
Obvious of course, but often ignored or missed where the movement
is small, especially in groups seemingly reacting in silent acceptance.
The strength of movement of the head usually relates to strength of
feeling, and often to the force by which the head-shaker seeks to send
this message to the receiver. This is an immensely powerful signal and
is used intentionally by some people to dominate others.
Head down is generally a signal of rejection (of someone's ideas etc),
unless the head is down for a purpose like reading supporting notes,
etc. Head down when responding to criticism is a signal of failure,
vulnerability (hence seeking protection), or feeling ashamed.
Lowering the head is a sign of loss, defeat, shame, etc. Hence the
expressions such as 'don't let your head drop', and 'don't let your head
go down', especially in sports and competitive activities. Head down
also tends to cause shoulders and upper back to to slump, increasing
the signs of weakness at that moment.
Very similar to the 'head held high' signal. Holding the chin up
naturally alters the angle of the head backwards, exposing the neck,
which is a signal of strength, resilience, pride, resistance, etc. A
pronounced raised chin does other interesting things to the body
too - it tends to lift the sternum (breast-bone), which draws in air,
puffing out the chest, and it widens the shoulders. These combined
effects make the person stand bigger. An exposed neck is also a sign of
confidence. 'Chin up' is for these reasons a long-standing expression
used to encourage someone to be brave.
When people are listening actively and responsively this shows in their
facial expression and their head movements. The head and face are
seen to respond fittingly and appropriately to what is being said by the
speaker. Nodding is relevant to what is being said. Smiles and other
expressions are relevant too. The head may tilt sideways. Mirroring
of expressions may occur. Silences are used to absorb meaning. The
eyes remain sharply focused on the eyes of the speaker, although at
times might lower to look at the mouth, especially in male-female
engagements.
Arms act as defensive barriers when across the body, and conversely indicate feelings of openness and security when
in open positions, especially combined with open palms.
Arms are quite reliable indicators of mood and feeling, especially when interpreted with other body language.
This provides a good opportunity to illustrate how signals combine to enable safer analysis.
• crossed arms = possibly defensive
• crossed arms + crossed legs = probably defensive
• crossed arms + crossed legs + frowning + clenched fists = definitely defensive, and probably hostile too.
While this might seem obvious written in simple language, it's not always so clear if your attention is on other
Body language is more than just knowing the theory - it's being aware constantly of the signals people are giving.
signal part of
possible
meaning(s)
arms defensiveness,
reluctance
detailed explanation
Crossed arms represent a protective or separating barrier. This can
be due to various causes, ranging from severe animosity or concern
to mild boredom or being too tired to be interested and attentive.
Crossed arms is a commonly exhibited signal by subordinates feeling
threatened by bosses and figures of authority. N.B. People also cross
arms when they are feeling cold, so be careful not to misread this
signal.
Clenched fists reinforce stubbornness, aggression or the lack of
empathy indicated by crossed arms.
arms hostile
defensiveness
arms insecurity Gripping upper arms while folded is effectively self-hugging. Self-
hugging is an attempt to reassure unhappy or unsafe feelings.
arms nervousness Women use this gesture. Men tend not to. It's a 'barrier' protective
signal, and also self-hugging.
arms confidence,
authority
As demonstrated by members of the royal family, armed forces
officers, teachers, policemen, etc.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal, especially when arm is across chest.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
hands
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
hands
arms /
nervousness One arm rests on the table across the body, holding a drink (or pen,
hands
etc). Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
shoulder
Body language involving hands is extensive.
This is because hands are such expressive parts of the body, and because hands interact with other parts of the body.
Hands contain many more nerve connections (to the brain) than most if not all other body parts. They are extremely
expressive and flexible tools, so it is natural for hands to be used a lot in signalling consciously - as with emphasizing
gestures - or unconsciously - as in a wide range of unintentional movements which indicate otherwise hidden feelings
A nose or an ear by itself can do little to signal a feeling, but when a hand or finger is also involved then there is
probably a signal of some sort.
Hands body language is used for various purposes, notably:
• emphasis, (pointing, jabbing, and chopping actions, etc)
• illustration (drawing, shaping, mimicking actions or sizing things in the air - this big/long/wide/etc., phoning
• specific conscious signals like the American OK, the thumbs-up, the Victory-sign, and for rude gestures, etc.
• greeting people and waving goodbye (which might be included in the above category)
• and more interestingly in unconscious 'leakage' signals including interaction with items like pens and
cigarettes and other parts of the body, indicating feelings such as doubt, deceit, pressure, openness, expectation,
Body language experts generally agree that hands send more signals than any part of the body except for the face.
Studying hand body language therefore yields a lot of information; hence the hands section below is large.
There are many cultural body language differences in hand signals. The section below focuses on Western behaviour.
Much applies elsewhere, but avoid assuming that it all does.
possible
meaning(s)
hands submissive,
truthful, honesty,
appealing
hands defensive,
instruction to stop
hands authority,
strength,
dominance
hands striving for or
seeking an answer
detailed explanation
Said to evolve from when open upward palms showed no weapon
was held. A common gesture with various meanings around a main
theme of openness. Can also mean "I don't have the answer," or an
appeal. In some situations this can indicate confidence (such as to
enable openness), or trust/trustworthiness. An easily faked gesture
to convey innocence. Outward open forearms or whole arms are
more extreme versions of the signal.
Relaxed hands are more likely to be defensive as if offered up in
protection; rigid fingers indicates a more authoritative instruction or
request to stop whatever behaviour is promoting the reaction.
Where the lower arm moves across the body with palm down this is
generally defiance or firm disagreement.
The hand is empty, but figuratively holds a problem or idea as if
weighing it. The signal is one of 'weighing' possibilities.
hands seeking to be
believed
hands aggression, threat,
emphasis
acknowledgement
or confirmation
hands emphasis Pointing in the air is generally used to add emphasis, by a person
Although easy to fake, the underlying meaning is one of wanting to
be believed, whether being truthful or not. Hand on heart can be
proactive, as when a salesman tries to convince a buyer, or reactive,
as when claiming innocence or shock. Whatever, the sender of
this signal typically feels the need to emphasise their position as if
mortally threatened, which is rarely the case.
Pointing at a person is very confrontational and dictatorial.
Commonly adults do this to young people. Adult to adult it is
generally unacceptable and tends to indicate a lack of social
awareness or self-control aside from arrogance on the part of the
finger pointer. The finger is thought to represent a gun, or pointed
weapon. Strongly associated with anger, directed at another person.
An exception to the generally aggressive meaning of finger pointing
is the finger point and wink, below.
The subtle use of a winked eye with a pointed finger changes the
finger point into a different signal, that of acknowledging something,
often a contribution or remark made by someone, in which case the
finger and wink are directed at the person concerned, and can be
a signal of positive appreciation, as if to say, "You got it," or "You
understand it, well done".
feeling in authority or power.
hands warning, refusal Rather like the waving of a pistol as a threat. Stop it/do as you are
told, or else..
hands admonishment,
emphasis
hand chop hands emphasis -
The action is like pressing a button on a keypad several times. Like
when a computer or elevator won't work, as if pressing the button
lots of times will make any difference..
The hand is used like a guillotine, as if to kill the discussion.
especially the last
word on a matter
hands resistance,
aggression,
determination
hands thoughtfulness,
looking for
or explaining
connections or
engagement
hands thoughtfulness
and barrier
hands seeking or asking
for calm, loss of
control of a group
or situation
hands comforting habit,
attention-seeking
One or two clenched fists can indicate different feelings - defensive,
offensive, positive or negative, depending on context and other
signals. Logically a clenched fist prepares the hand (and mind and
body) for battle of one sort or another, but in isolation the signal is
impossible to interpret more precisely than a basic feeling of resolve.
Very brainy folk use this gesture since it reflects complex and/or
elevated thinking. In this gesture only the fingertips touch - each
finger with the corresponding digit of the other hand, pointing
upwards like the rafters of a tall church roof. Fingers are spread
and may be rigidly straight or relaxed and curved. Alternating the
positions (pushing fingers together then relaxing again - like a spider
doing press-ups on a mirror) enables the fascinating effect (nothing
to do with body language), which after enough repetition can
produce a sensation of having a greased sheet of glass between the
fingers. Try it - it's very strange. Very brainy people probably don't
do this because they have more important things to think about. It's
their loss.
The upwards-pointing version tends to indicate high-minded or
connective/complex thinking, however when this hand shape is
directed forward it also acts as a defensive or distancing barrier
between the thinker and other(s) present.
Seen often in rowdy meetings the gesture is typically a few inches
above the table top, but is also seen standing up. The action is one
of suppressing or holding down a rising pressure. Teachers use this
gesture when trying to quieten a class.
Usually male. Machismo or habit. Meaning depends on context.
No-one knows still exactly how the noise is made, but the notion
that the practice leads to arthritis is now generally thought to be
nonsense.
Usually hands would be on a table or held across stomach or on lap.
hands frustration,
negativity,
anxiousness
hands satisfaction, 'OK' This is generally seen to be the 'OK' signal, similar to the 'thumbs up'.
thumb(s) up hands positive approval,
agreement, all
well
The signal may be to oneself quietly, or more pronounced directed
to others. There is also the sense of this suggesting something
being 'just right' as if the finger and thumb are making a fine
adjustment with a pinch of spice or a tiny turn of a control knob. The
circle formed by the joined finger and thumb resembles the O from
OK. The remaining three fingers are spread.
In the Western world this signal is so commonly used and recognized
it has become a language term in its own right: 'thumbs up' means
approved. It's a very positive signal. Two hands is a bigger statement
of the same meaning.
hands disapproval,
failure
hands self-comforting,
frustration,
insecurity
hands undecided, in the
balance
Logically the opposite of thumbs up. Rightly or wrongly the thumbs
up and down signals are associated with the gladiatorial contests of
the ancient Roman arenas in which the presiding dignitary would
signal the fate of the losing contestants.
As with other signals involving holding or stroking a part of one's own
body this tends to indicate self-comforting. Also thumbs are potent
and flexible tools, so disabling them logically reduces a person's
readiness for action.
Signalling that a decision or outcome, normally finely balanced and
difficult to predict or control, could go one way or another.
hands anticipation, relish A signal - often a conscious gesture - of positive expectation, and
hands /
suppression,
shock
hands /
lying or
exaggeration
hands /
lying or
exaggeration
hands /
thoughtfulness,
suppressing
comment
picking nose hands /
day-dreaming,
inattentive,
socially
disconnected,
stress
hands /
negative
evaluation
hands /
rejection of or
resistance to
something
often related to material or financial reward, or an enjoyable activity
and outcome.
See mouth/hand clamp entry in mouth section, which is a subject in
its own right.
This is said to hide the reddening of the nose caused by increased
blood flow. Can also indicate mild embellishment or fabrication. The
children's story about Pinocchio (the wooden puppet boy whose
nose grew when he told lies) reflects long-standing associations
between the nose and telling lies.
Nose-scratching while speaking is a warning sign, unless the person
genuinely has an itchy nose. Often exhibited when recounting an
event or incident.
In many cases this is an unconscious signalling of holding back
or delaying a response or opinion. Pinching the nose physically
obstructs breathing and speech, especially if the mouth is covered
at the same time. Rather like the more obvious hand-clamp over the
mouth, people displaying this gesture probably have something to
say but are choosing not to say it yet.
Nose picking is actually extremely common among adults but does
not aid career development or social acceptance and is therefore
normally a private affair. When observed, nose-picking can signify
various states of mind, none particularly positive.
Usually accompanied with a long single blink.
ear tugging hands /
indecision, self-
comforting
Not surprisingly gestures involving hands covering the ears signify a
reluctance to listen and/or to agree with what is being said or to the
situation as a whole. The gesture is occasionally seen by a person
doing the talking, in which case it tends to indicate that other views
and opinions are not wanted or will be ignored.
People fiddle with their own bodies in various ways when seeking
comfort, but ear-pulling or tugging given suitable supporting signs
can instead indicate indecision and related pondering.
hands /
calamity Hands clasping head is like a protective helmet against some disaster
or problem.
hands /
thoughtfulness The stroking of a beard is a similar signal, although rare among
hands /
evaluation,
chin, face
tiredness or
boredom
hands /
evaluation This is a more reliable signal of evaluation than the above full-hand
women.
Usually the forearm is vertical from the supporting elbow on a table.
People who display this signal are commonly assessing or evaluating
next actions, options, or reactions to something or someone. If the
resting is heavier and more prolonged, and the gaze is unfocused or
averted, then tiredness or boredom is a more likely cause. A lighter
resting contact is more likely to be evaluation, as is lightly resting the
chin on the knuckles.
support. Normally the supporting elbow will be on a table or surface.
The middle finger commonly rests horizontally between chin and
lower lip.
hands /
doubt, disbelief Perhaps evolved from a feeling of distrust and instinct to protect the
hands /
frustration Clasping a wrist, which may be behind the back or in open view, can
hair / hair flirting, or
vexation,
exasperation
hands /
confidence,
readiness,
availability
hands /
disinterest,
boredom
hands /
alerting wish to
spectacles
speak
hands /
mock sympathy or
sadness
hands offensive -
mockery,
dissatisfaction,
expression of
vulnerable neck area. Who knows - whatever, the signal is generally
due to doubting or distrusting what is being said.
be a signal of frustration, as if holding oneself back.
Take your pick - running hands through the hair is commonly
associated with flirting, and sometimes it is, although given different
supporting signals, running hands through the hair can indicate
exasperation or upset.
The person is emphasizing their presence and readiness for action.
Observable in various situations, notably sport, and less pronounced
poses in social and work situations. In social and flirting context it is
said that the hands are drawing attention to the genital area.
The obvious signal is one of inaction, and not being ready for action.
Those who stand with hands in pockets - in situations where there
is an expectation for people to be enthusiastic and ready for action -
demonstrate apathy and lack of interest for the situation.
For people who wear reading-only spectacles, this is an example
of an announcement or alerting gesture, where a person readies
themselves to speak and attracts attention to the fact. Other alerting
signals include raising the hand, taking a breath, moving upwards
and forwards in their seat, etc.
The 'air violin' has been around a lot longer than the 'air guitar',
and is based on the traditional use of violin music as a theme or
background for sad scenes in movies and in music generally. The 'air
violin' is not typically included in body language guides; it's here as
an amusing gesture which demonstrates our conscious practice and
recognition of certain signals.
A conscious signal, usually one-handed. Insulting gesture if directed
at a person, typically male to male, since it mimics masturbation,
like calling a person a 'tosser' or a 'wanker' (UK) or a jerk-off (US).
This is obviously rude and not used in respectable company such
inferior quality as the queen or a group of clergymen. The gesture is also used as a
hands /
offensive
- derision,
contempt
victory, peace British 2nd World War leader Winston Churchill popularised the
response to something regarded as poor quality, which might be a
performance or piece of work or a comment on a product of some
sort. The allusion is to masturbation being a poor substitute for sex
with a woman, and that those who masturbate are not 'real men'.
Unsurprisingly the gesture is mainly male, directed at other males,
especially in tribal-like gatherings. Rare female use of this gesture
directed at males can be very effective due to its humiliating value.
For obvious reasons the gesture is unlikely to be used by females or
males directed at females.
A consciously offensive and aggressive gesture, also called 'flicking
the Vs', widely but probably incorrectly thought to derive from
the 1415 Battle of Agincourt in the Hundred Years War when the
tactically pivotal Welsh longbowmen supposedly derided the beaten
French soldiers' and their threats to cut off the bowmen's fingers.
victory usage, although apparently, significantly if so, first used the
palm inwards version until he was told what it meant to the working
classes.
Handshakes - body language
Firmness of handshake is not the reliable indicator of firmness of character that many believe it to be. Firm
handshakes tend to be those of confident people, especially those who have spent some time in business, and
who realise that most people in business consider a firm handshake to be a good thing. Handshakes that are
uncomfortably firm show a lack of respect or awareness, especially if used in cultures (Eastern especially) where firm
handshaking is not normal.
Handshaking evolved from ancient times as an initial gesture of trust, to show that no weapon was being held.
Naturally also the handshake offers the most obvious way to connect physically as a way to signal trust or friendship.
In more recent times, especially from the 1800s onwards, a handshake became the way to confirm a commercial
transaction. Handshaking by women became common practice much later, reflecting the change of social attitudes
and the increasing equality of women, for whom a hundred years back such physical contact was considered
improper. Women have throughout time generally been subservient to men, hence the very subservient female
curtsey gesture (also spelled curtsy), which survives now only in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or
ending a stage performance.
possible
meaning(s)
handshake dominance Usually a firm handshake, the 'upper hand' tends to impose and/or
handshake submission,
accommodating
detailed explanation
create a dominant impression.
Usually not a strong handshake, the lower hand has submitted to
the upper hand dominance. How all this ultimately translates into
the subsequent relationship and outcomes can depend on more
significant factors than the handshake.
Whether genuine or not, this handshake is unduly physical and (often)
uncomfortably domineering.
handshake seeking
to convey
trustworthiness
and honesty,
seeking to
control
handshake non-
threatening,
relaxed
handshake enthusiasm A vigorous pumping handshake tends to indicate energy and
Most handshakes are like this, when neither person seeks to control
or to yield.
handshake various Avoid the common view that a weak handshake is the sign of a
handshake outward
confidence
handshake seeking control,
paternalism
enthusiasm of the shaker towards the other person, the meeting,
situation or project, etc). There is a sense of attempting to transfer
energy and enthusiasm, literally, from the vigorous handshaker to the
shaken person, hence the behaviour is popular in motivational folk
and evangelists, etc.
weak or submissive person. It is not. Weak handshakes can be due
to various aspects of personality, mood, etc. People who use their
hands in their profession, for example, musicians, artists, surgeons,
etc., can have quite gentle sensitive handshakes. Strong but passive
people can have gentle handshakes. Old people can have weak
handshakes. A weak handshake might be due to arthritis. Young
people unaccustomed to handshaking can have weak handshakes. It's
potentially a very misleading signal.
Avoid the common view that a firm handshake is the sign of a
strong solid person. It is not. Firm handshakes are a sign of outward
confidence, which could mask deceit or a weak bullying nature, or
indicate a strong solid person. Strength of a handshake is not by itself
an indicator of positive 'good' mood or personality, and caution is
required in reading this signal. It is widely misinterpreted.
When a handshake is accompanied by the left hand clasping the other
person's right arm this indicates a wish to control or a feeling of care,
which can be due to arrogance. To many this represents an unwanted
invasion of personal space, since touching 'permission' is for the
handshake only.
Legs and feet - body language
Legs and feet body language is more difficult to control consciously or fake than some body language of arms and
hands and face. Legs and feet can therefore provide good clues to feelings and moods, if you know the signs.
Men and women sit differently, which needs to be considered when reading leg body language. Partly due to clothing
and partly due to sexual differences, men naturally exhibit more open leg positions than women, which should be
allowed for when interpreting signals. Certain open-leg male positions are not especially significant in men, but would
be notable in women, especially combined with a short skirt.
Older women tend to adopt more modest closed leg positions than younger women, due to upbringing, social trends,
equality and clothing. Again take account of these influences when evaluating signals.
Also consider that when people sit for half-an-hour or more they tend to change their leg positions, which can include
leg crossing purely for comfort reasons. Again allow for this when interpreting signals.
Leg signals tend to be supported by corresponding arms signals, for example crossed arms and crossed legs, which
aside from comfort reasons generally indicate detachment, disinterest, rejection or insecurity, etc.
N.B. Where the terms 'leg crossing' and 'crossed legs' are used alone, this refers to the legs being crossed at both
knees. The 'American' or 'Figure-4' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee by the ankle
or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is also called the American
leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably among males.
possible
meaning(s)
legs/knees interest,
attentiveness
(according to
direction)
legs openness In sitting positions, open uncrossed leg positions generally indicate
legs properness This unusual in men, especially if the knees point an angle other than
legs caution,
disinterest
legs interest or
disinterest in
direction of
upper crossed
knee
legs independent,
stubborn
legs / arm
resistant,
stubborn
legs arrogance,
combative,
sexual
posturing
legs defensiveness Knees may be apart (among men predominantly) or together (more
detailed explanation
Generally a seated person directs their knee or knees towards the
point of interest. The converse is true also - legs tend to point away
from something or someone which is uninteresting or threatening.
The rule applies with crossed legs also, where the upper knee
indicates interest or disinterest according to where it points. The more
direct and obvious the position, the keener the attraction or repellent
feeling.
an open attitude, contrasting with with crossed legs, which normally
indicate a closed attitude or a degree of caution or uncertainty.
straight ahead. The posture was common in women due to upbringing
and clothing and indicates a sense of properness.
Crossed legs tend to indicate a degree of caution or disinterest, which
can be due to various reasons, ranging from feeling threatened, to
mildly insecure.
Generally the upper crossed leg and knee will point according to
the person's interest. If the knee points towards a person then it
signifies interest in or enthusiasm for that person; if it points away
from a person it signifies disinterest in or a perceived threat from
that person. Signs are more indicative when people first sit down and
adopt initial positions in relation to others present. Signs become
less reliable when people have been sitting for half-an-hour or so,
when leg crossing can change more for comfort than body language
reasons.
The 'American' or 'figure-4' leg cross is a far more confident posture
than the conventional 'both knees' leg cross. It exposes the genital
region, and typically causes the upper body to lean back. The crossed
leg is nevertheless a protective barrier, and so this posture is regarded
as more stubborn than the 'both knees' leg cross.
This is a more protective and stubborn version of the plain American
leg cross, in which (usually) the opposite hand to the crossing leg
clamps and holds the ankle of the crossing leg, effectively producing a
locked position, which reflects the mood of the person.
This is a confident dominant posture. Happily extreme male open-
crotch posing is rarely exhibited in polite or formal situations since the
signal is mainly sexual. This is a clear exception to the leg/knee point
rule since the pointing is being done by the crotch, whose target might
be a single person or a wider audience. Not a gesture popularly used
by women, especially in formal situations and not in a skirt. Regardless
of gender this posture is also combative because it requires space
and makes the person look bigger. The impression of confidence is
increased when arms are also in a wide or open position.
natural in women). There is also a suggestion of suppressing negative
emotion.
splayed legs, legs aggression, Splayed, that is wide-parted legs create (usually unconsciously) a firm
standing ready for action base from which to defend or attack, and also make the body look
respectful Standing upright, legs straight, together and parallel, body quite
legs insecurity or
sexual posing
legs insecurity or
submission or
engagement
under pressure Obviously a pronounced knee buckle is effectively a collapse due to
feet foot direction
indicates
direction of
interest
feet directed
towards
dominant
group member
feet relaxation,
flirting, sexual
wider. Hands on hips support the interpretation.
upright, shoulders back, arms by sides - this is like the military 'at
attention' posture and is often a signal of respect or subservience
adopted when addressed by someone in authority.
Also called 'leg twine', this is a tightly crossed leg, twined or wrapped
around the supporting leg. Depending on the circumstances the leg
twine can either be a sign of retreat and protection, or a sexual display
of leg shapeliness, since a tight leg-cross tends to emphasise muscle
and tone. Assessing additional body language is crucial for interpreting
such signals of potentially very different meanings.
Typically observed in groups of standing people at parties or other
gatherings, defensive signals such as crossed legs and arms among the
less confident group members is often reinforced by a physical and
audible lack of involvement and connection with more lively sections
of the group. Where legs are crossed and arms are not, this can
indicate a submissive or committed agreement to stand and engage,
so the standing leg cross relays potentially quite different things.
severe stress or actually carrying a heavy weight, and similarly a less
obvious knee bend while standing can indicate the anticipation of an
uncomfortable burden or responsibility.
Like knees, feet tend to point towards the focus of interest - or away
from something or someone if it is not of interest. Foot direction or
pointing in this context is a subtle aspect of posture - this is not using
the foot to point at something; it is merely the direction of the feet
when sitting or standing in relation to people close by.
The signal is interesting among groups, when it can indicate
perceptions of leadership or dominance, i.e., the forward foot points
at the leader or strongest member of the group.
A woman would usually be relaxed to display this signal. In certain
situations dangling a shoe from the foot, and more so slipping the foot
in and out of the shoe has sexual overtones.
The technical term for the personal space aspect of body language is proxemics. The word was devised by Edward
Twitchell Hall (b.1914), an American anthropologist and writer on body language and non-verbal communications,
especially relating to cross-cultural understanding. His 1963 book, Proxemics, A Study of Man's Spacial Relationship,
no doubt helped popularize the new word. Here is Edward Twitchell Hall's website - he's an interesting character,
and one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. His other books are listed in the body language
references section below. Robert Ardrey is cited by Julius Fast as another significant expert and writer in personal
Proxemics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the amount of space that people find comfortable between
themselves and others.
Personal space dimensions depend notably on the individual, cultural and living background, the situation, and
relationships, however some general parameters apply to most people, which for Western societies, are shown
There are five distinct space zones, which were originally identified by Edward T Hall, and which remain the basis of
personal space analysis today. The first zone is sometimes shown as a single zone comprising two sub-zones.
zone distance for detail
2. Intimate 15-45cm
lovers, and
0-15cm
physical
touching
relationships
physical
touching
relationships
3. Personal 45-120cm
family and close
18in-4ft
friends
non-touch
1.2-3.6m
interaction,
social, business
no interaction,
ignoring
Sometimes included with the 2nd zone below, this is a markedly
different zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact
with close friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches, but commonly
does with a lover.
Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships,
but also applies during consenting close activities such as contact
sports, and crowded places such as parties, bars, concerts, public
transport, queues and entertainment and sports spectating events.
Non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be
uncomfortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at worst.
Within the intimate zone a person's senses of smell and touch (being
touched) become especially exercised.
Touching is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence
touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.
Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both
people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people
reach to do it.
People establish this zonal space when they seek to avoid interaction
with others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person is
creates a discomfort or an expectation of interaction.
Mirroring - matching body language signals
When body language and speech characteristics are mirrored or synchronized between people this tends to assist the
process of creating and keeping rapport (a mutual feeling of empathy, understanding, trust).
The term synchronized is arguably a more accurate technical term because mirroring implies visual signals only, when
the principles of matching body language extend to audible signals also - notably speech pace, pitch, tone, etc.
'Mirrored' or synchronized body language between two people encourages feelings of trust and rapport because it
generates unconscious feelings of affirmation.
When another person displays similar body language to our own, this makes us react unconsciously to feel, "This
person is like me and agrees with the way I am. I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too."
The converse effect applies. When two people's body language signals are different - i.e., not synchronized - they
feel less like each other, and the engagement is less comfortable. Each person senses a conflict arising from the
mismatching of signals - the two people are not affirming each other; instead the mismatched signals translate into
unconscious feelings of discord, discomfort or even rejection. The unconscious mind thinks, "This person is not like
me; he/she is different to me, I am not being affirmed, therefore I feel defensive."
Advocates and users of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) use mirroring consciously, as a method of 'getting in
tune' with another person, and with a little practice are able to first match and then actually and gently to alter the
signals - and supposedly thereby the feelings and attitudes - of other people, using mirroring techniques.
Speech pace or speed is an example. When you are speaking with someone, first match their pace of speaking, then
gently change your pace - slower or faster - and see if the other person follows you. Often they will do.
People, mostly being peaceful cooperative souls, commonly quite naturally match each other's body language. To do
otherwise can sometimes feel uncomfortable, even though we rarely think consciously about it.
When another person leans forward towards us at a table, we often mirror and do likewise. When they lean back and
Sales people and other professional communicators are widely taught to mirror all sorts of more subtle signals, as a
means of creating trust and rapport with the other person, and to influence attitudes.
Mirroring in this conscious sense is not simply copying or mimicking. Mirroring is effective when movements and
gestures are reflected in a similar way so that the effect remains unconscious and subtle. Obvious copying would be
regarded as strange or insulting.
Body language of seating positioning in relation to others
Lots of unnecessary friction is created in work and communications situations due to ignorance and lack of thought
The 'science' of where people sit in relation to each other, and on what and around what, is fascinating and offers
opportunities for improving relationships, communications, cooperation and understanding.
Here are some guidelines.
These points are generally for the purpose of a leader or someone aspiring to lead, or coach, counsel, etc. They also
relate to one-to-one situations like appraisals, interviews, etc.
Sitting opposite someone creates a feeling of confrontation. For one-to-one meetings, especially with emotional
potential (appraisals for example) take care to arrange seating before the meeting to avoid opposite-facing positions.
If you cannot arrange the seating give very deliberate thought to seating positions before you sit down and/or before
you invite the other person to sit - don't just let it happen because commonly, strangely, people often end up sitting
opposite if free to do so.
Consider the rules about personal space. Do not place chairs so close together that personal space will be invaded.
Conversely sitting too far apart will prevent building feelings of trust and private/personal discussion.
Sitting opposite someone across a table or desk adds a barrier to the confrontational set-up and can create a tension
even when the relationship is good and strong. It's easy to forget this and to find yourself sitting opposite someone
when there are only two of you at the table. Sitting opposite across a table is okay for lovers gazing into each other's
eyes, but not good for work, counselling, coaching, etc.
Sitting behind a work-desk (the boss behind his/her own desk especially) and having someone (especially a
subordinate) sit in a less expensive lower chair across the desk emphasises authority of the boss and adds unhelpfully
to the barrier and the confrontational set-up. This seating arrangement will increase the defensiveness of anyone
already feeling insecure or inferior. This positioning is favoured by certain bosses seeking to reinforce their power,
but it is not helpful in most modern work situations, and is not a good way to increase respectful natural authority
anyway. Incidentally the expression 'on the carpet' - meaning being told off or 'bollocked' - derives from the extreme
form of this positional strategy, when the victim, called into the office would stand to receive their bollocking on the
carpet in front of the boss who sat high and mighty behind his desk. (The boss would typically be male, and beaten/
abused/neglected as a child, but that's another story.)
Sitting at a diagonal angle of about 45 degrees to another person is a comfortable and cooperative arrangement. This
is achieved naturally by both sitting around the same corner of a square table, which also enables papers to be seen
together without too much twisting.
The same angle is appropriate for and easy-chairs around a coffee-table. A table ceases to become a barrier when
people are sitting at a diagonal angle, instead it becomes a common work surface for studying papers, or exploring
Sitting side by side on a settee is not a good arrangement for working relationships. It threatens personal space, and
obstructs communications.
Low settees and easy-chairs and low coffee tables cause people to sink and relax back are usually unhelpful for work
meetings. For this reason much seating in hotel lounges is entirely unsuitable for work meetings. People naturally are
more alert and focused using higher formal table and chairs.
Interviews and appraisals can benefit from relaxed or more formal seating depending on the situation. Importantly
- make a conscious choice about furniture depending on the tone of the meeting, and how relaxed you want the
The 45-degree rule is approximate, and anyway under most circumstances seating angles are influenced by furniture
and available space. Importantly, simply try to avoid opposite or side-by-side positions. An angle between these two
extremes is best - somewhere in the range of 30-60 degrees if you want to be technical about it.
Round tables are better than square or oblong tables for group and team meetings. Obviously this works well because
no-one is at the head of the table, which promotes a feeling of equality and teamwork. King Arthur - or the creator of
the legend (King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table) - opted for a round table for this reason. The term 'round
table' has come to symbolise teamwork and fairness, etc., for a long time. Unfortunately round tables aren't common
in offices, which means thinking carefully about best seating arrangements for square or oblong tables.
A confident leader will be happy to avoid taking the 'head of the table' position, instead to sit among the team,
especially if there are particular reasons for creating a cooperative atmosphere.
Conversely it is perfectly normal for a leader to take the 'head of the table' if firmness is required in chairing or
mediating, etc. It is usually easier to chair a meeting from the head of the table position.
Theory suggests that when a group sits around a table the person sitting on the leader's right will generally be the
most loyal and aligned to the leader's thinking and wishes. A (likely) mythical origin is said to be that in Roman times
a leader would place their most loyal supporter to their right because this was the most advantageous position from
which to attempt an assassination by stabbing (given that most people then as now were right-handed). Assassination
by stabbing is rare in modern work meetings, so positioning an opponent on your right side (instead of allowing the
normal opposite positioning to happen) can be a useful tactic since this indicates confidence and strength.
In large gatherings of 20-30 people or more, a 'top table' is often appropriate for the leader and guest speakers. While
this seems like a throwback to more autocratic times, it is perfectly workable. Groups of people above a certain size
are far more likely to expect firm direction/leadership, if not in making decisions, certainly to keep order and ensure
smooth running of proceedings. Therefore seating arrangements for large groups should provide a clear position of
control for the chairperson or event leaders.
Body language in different cultures
Here are some brief pointers concerning body language variations and gestures in cultures which differ from Western
(US/UK notably) behaviour.
People in/from parts of India may to shake their head from side to side as a sign of agreement and active listening. In
the UK/west we tend to nod our head to agree and affirm and to show we are listening; in India it is not unusual for
people to move their heads from side to side in giving these reactions. It is also seen as respectful practice. (Thanks
S Churchill. Incidentally on this point, sideways head-shaking of this sort is not a vigorous twisting movement; it is
usually more of a sideways tilting of the head from one side to the other.)
This point (thanks R Fox) concerns eye contact. Eye contact (other than unwanted staring) is generally regarded as a
positive aspect of body language in Western cultures, which in this context typically refers to white European people
and descendents. A specific difference regarding eye contact can be found in some black Caribbean cultures however,
whereby young people tend to be instructed not look at someone eye to eye when being told off or disciplined. When
cultures meet obviously this provides potential for friction, given the 'Western' expectation in such situations, for
example, "Look at me when I'm talking to you".
Filipino people (and in fact many other people of all races) can find it offensive/uncomfortable when beckoned by a
repeatedly curled index finger - the gesture evokes feelings of having done something wrong and being chastised for
In some Australian Aboriginal cultures, it is disrespectful to look an elder, or person of a rank above you, in the eyes.
It is a sign of respect to drop your eyes, (whereas in Western culture not meeting somebody's gaze is commonly
considered to be a negative sign, indicating deceit, lying, lack of attention, lack of confidence, etc).
Showing the soles of the feet is insulting and rude in many Asian and Arab cultures. Similarly pointing the foot or feet
at anyone is rude. Feet are considered dirty.
In Arab culture the left hand is commonly considered unclean due to associations with toilet functions, and should
therefore not be offered or used for touching or eating. When in doubt in Arab environments, using the right hand for
everything is a safer idea.
In Arab countries the thumbs-up gesture is rude.
The eyebrow flash may be considered rude or to carry sexual connotations in Japanese culture. Informal male-female
touching is less common and can be considered improper in Japan.
The American-style 'OK' sign - a circle made with thumb and index-finger with other fingers fanned or outstretched -
is a rude gesture in some cultures, notably Latin America, Germany and the Middle East.
Beckoning gestures in Eastern cultures are commonly made with the palm down, whereas Western beckoning is
The offensive British/Western two-fingered V-sign is not necessarily offensive in Japan and may be considered
positive like the Western palm-outwards 'victory' or 'peace' V-sign in the West.
In some countries, Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria for example, moving the head up/down or from side to side may
have additional or different meanings to those conventionally interpreted in the UK/US. Specifically, in Turkey, aside
from using conventional (US/UK-style) head nodding and shaking, some people may also signal 'no' by moving their
head up. (This is a refinement of previous details about head movements in body language, and I welcome more
information especially from people overseas as to precise variations to US/UK conventional meanings in signally yes
and no, and anything else, with head movements.)
Arab handshaking tends to be more frequent and less firm - on meeting and departing, even several times in the
In Japan the male bow is still commonly used, when the depth of the bow increases with the amount of respect
shown, and is therefore a signal of relative status between two people.
In The Netherlands people touch the temple with the index finger in order to indicate someone (or an action) is smart
or intelligent. Touching the forehead with the index finger means someone (or an action) is stupid or crazy. In Russia
these meanings are reversed.
Here are some Japanese body language insights, especially for doing business in Japan (thanks R Wilkes):
• High-pitched laughter means nervousness.
• On introduction, do not offer a handshake. Depth of bow is impossible to judge without immense
experience: it is sufficient for a Westerner to bow shallowly.
• Business cards should be exchanged at the first possible opportunity. The card received should be held in
both hands and examined carefully, and then stored, preferably in a wallet, on the upper half of the body. Holding
a person's identity in one hand is casual/disrespectful. The trouser pocket is a rude place.
• Blowing one's nose into a handkerchief in public is obscene. (What other bodily waste do you wrap up in
cotton and put in your pocket?..)
• Japanese businesses (unless they cannot afford it) have two types of meeting room: a Western style room
with central table, and a room with sofas. The sofa room is for non-antagonistic meetings. In general, the 45
degree rule seems to apply here - better to sit on adjacent sides than across from one another. This room can be
a great place to cut deals. Nevertheless, the 'table' room is where transactions are formalised. There the host of
the meeting sits nearest to (and preferably with his back to) the door. (This is probably chivalric in origin - he is first
in the way of any invader to the room.) His team sits on the same side of the table in descending rank. The chief
guest sits opposite him and similarly the minions decline to the side. The head of the table is not generally used in
bilateral (two parties) meetings except by people brought in to advise on components of the agenda. A great boss
may spend much of the meeting with his eyes closed. He is considering what is being said by the subordinates and
does not need visual distraction. However, if he has a firm steer to give, he will instruct his deputy and this will be
• Loss of eye contact is quite normal with lower ranking people: if they drop their head, this indicates deep
• Otherwise, pure body signals are quite similar to Western ones, with one notable exception: touching the
tip of the nose from straight ahead signals 'I/me'.
• The Japanese language does have a word for 'no' but it is rarely used in business for fear of causing offence
or loss of face. "Yes, but..." is substantially more acceptable.
I welcome refinements and additions for body language in other cultures. Please send any you can contribute.
(Thanks to D Ofek, G van Duin, L Campbell, F Suzara, M Baniasadi, S Aydogmus, and particularly to R Wilkes for the
Flirting, courtship, dating and mating - sexual body language
Many signals in flirting, dating and mating body language are covered in the general translation signals above,
and the fundamental principles of social/work body language also apply to the development or blocking of sexual
Of course lots of flirting, and more, goes on at work, but for the purposes of this article it's easier to keep the two
There are some differences which can completely change the nature of a signal given in a sexual context. Sitting
opposite someone is an example, which is confrontational at work, but is often intimate and enabling for sexual and
romantic relationships: full constant eye-to-eye contact is helpful for intimacy, as is full frontal facing between male
and female for obvious reasons.
Personal space must also be considered in a different way in social-sexual situations compared to work and non-
sexual situations: At work, the primary consideration is given to respecting the personal zones and not invading closer
than the situation warrants. In a sexual flirting context however, personal space becomes the arena for ritual and
play, and within reason is more of a game than a set of fixed limits.
Dancing is further example of how body language operates at a different level in sexual-social situations. Different
tolerances and tacit (implied) permissions apply. It's a ritual and a game which humans have played for thousands of
Dancing relates strongly to the attention stage of the dating/mating/courtship process. In many ways courtship
echoes the selling and advertising model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action). This is also known as the Hierarchy
of Effects, since steps must be successfully completed in order to achieve the sale at the end. For example, nothing
happens without first attracting attention, a point commonly ignored by people looking for a mate. The attention
stage is even more critical in crowded and highly competitive environments such as nightclubs and dating websites.
And while not technically part of body language, environment is a vital aspect of dating and mating. The environment
in which the dating activity is pursued equates to market/audience-targeting in business. People seeking a mate are
effectively marketing themselves. Commonly people head to where everyone else goes - to nightclubs and dating
websites - but crucially these environments are highly unsuitable markets for many people, for instance those not
good at dancing, and those not good at writing and communicating online. Just as a business needs to find the best
markets and ways of reaching its target audience, so in dating people can seek environments where they can best
display their strengths and where relevant 'buyers' will be.
Knowing about flirting body language becomes more useful in a favourable environment.
Female indications of interest in a male
Females have very many more ways of attracting attention to themselves than males, and so are able to express
interest and availability in far more ways than males tend to do.
Female interest in males is relatively selective. Male interest in females is by comparison constant and indiscriminate.
This is due fundamentally to human mating behaviour, evolved over many thousands of years, in which essentially
women control the chase and the choice, and men respond primarily to female availability and permissions. These
differences in behaviour perhaps mainly exist because females produce one viable egg per month, about 500 in a
lifetime, whereas males make several hundred sperm every day. Do the math, as they say.
As with interpreting body language generally, beware of concluding anything based on a single signal. Clusters of
signals are more reliable. Foot pointing, knee pointing, and leg-crossing signals can all be due simply to comfort,
rather than expressions of interest or sexual appeal.
Aside from the specific flirting and sexual attraction signs below, females also express interest using the general
signalling explained in the earlier sections, e.g., prolonged direct eye contact, active responsive listening, attentive
open alert postures and body positions, etc.
Here are the most common female flirting body language signals and meanings, according to experts on the subject:
eye contact - anything more than a glance indicates initial interest.
eye catch and look away - establishing eye contact then looking away or down is said by many experts to be the
standard initial signal of interest designed to hook male reaction. The reliability of the signal meaning is strengthened
when repeated and/or reinforced with longer eye-contact.
eye-widening - interest, simultaneously increasing attractiveness/appeal.
eyelash flicker - subtle movement of eyelashes to widen eyes briefly.
pupil dilating - interest, liking what is seen, arousal.
looking sideways up - lowering head, slightly sideways, and looking up - also known as doe-eyes, with eyelashes
normally slightly lowered - displays interest and vulnerability/coyness, most famously employed by Diana Princess
of Wales, notably in her interview with Martin Bashir in battle for public sympathy following her split with Prince
shoulder glance - looking sideways towards the target over the shoulder signals availability, and hence interest.
smiling - obvious sign of welcoming and friendliness.
moistening lips - lips are significant in signalling because (psychologists say) they mimic the female labia, hence the
potency of red lipstick (suggesting increased blood flow) and moistening/licking the lips.
parted lips - significant and potent attraction signal.
preening - especially of hair, which exposes the soft underarm.
flicking hair - often combined with a slight tossing movement of the head.
canting (tilting) head - also exposes neck.
showing inner wrist or forearm - a soft vulnerable area and erogenous zone.
straightening posture - standing taller, chest out, stomach in - a natural response to feeling the urge to appear more
self-touching - drawing attention to sexually appealing parts of the body; neck, hair, cleavage, thigh, etc. - additionally
self-touching is said to represent transference/imagining of being touched - and of course demonstration of what it
would be like for the target to do the touching; teasing in other words.
self thigh-stroking - usually while sitting down - same as self-touching.
standing opposite - normally a confrontational positioning, but in flirting allows direct eye contact and optimizes
engagement. Refer also to personal space rules: less than 4ft between people is personal; less than 18 inches is
intimate and only sustainable when there is some mutual interest and attraction, especially when direct facing
and not in a crowded environment. N.B. Crowded environments distort the personal space rules, where implied
permissions (e.g., for public transport and dense crowds or queues) override normal interpretations.
leaning forward - sitting or standing; leaning forwards towards a person indicates interest and attraction.
foot pointing - direction can indicate person of interest.
knee-pointing - as foot pointing.
leg twine - a tight-leg cross 'aimed' (combined with eye contact) at a target, or when sitting one-to-one, increases
sexual allure since it emphasises leg shape and tone. When employed flirtatiously, female leg crossing and uncrossing
also has obvious sexual connotations and stimulates basic urges in males.
shoe-dangling - positive signal of relaxation or of greater promise, especially if the foot thrusts in and out of the shoe.
pouting - pouting involves tightening the lips together; the tongue rises to the roof of the mouth as if ready to
swallow. Pouting displays various emotions, not always a sexual one, for example projection of the lower lip indicates
upset. An attraction pout looks more like the initial forming of a kiss.
picking fluff - removing fluff, hair, etc., from the target's clothes is playing in the intimate personal space zone, in
which the fluff picking is merely a pretext or excuse.
fondling cylindrical objects - phallic transference, for instance using pens, a dangling earring, a wine glass stem, etc.
mirroring - mirroring or synchronizing gestures and positions is a signal of interest and attraction. See mirroring.
When considering body language in such detail, remember that males and females rely greatly on conversation and
verbal communication to determine mutual attraction as soon as the situation allows. Body language in flirting can be
significant in indicating a strong match, but just as easily can merely be an initial filtering stage which progresses no
further because other (infinitely variable) personal or situational criteria on either or both sides are not met.
Also bear in mind that a lot of flirting happens for fun with no intention of proceeding to sexual or romantic
The purpose of this page is chiefly to explain body language signals, not to explain human relationships.
Male interest in females
As stated earlier there are reasons for the relative sparseness of male signals compared to female flirting signals.
Most men are interested perpetually in most women, and therefore male signals are generally designed to attract the
attention of any females, rather than directed at one female in particular.
Male interest is basically always switched on and ready to respond to opportunity when female availability and
interest are signalled and noticed.
Men believe they take the lead, but actually mostly women do.
Male signals of interest in females essentially follow normal body language rules, for example widening eyes, dilated
pupils, forward leaning, prolonged direct eye contact, active listening reactions, and these come into play once eye
contact and/or proximity is established.
The most prevalent signals males use to announce their availability and attract female attention are summarised
below. Under many circumstances these might be categorised under the headings 'pathetic' or 'amusing'. The male of
the species, despite a couple of million years of evolution, has yet to develop much subtle body language in this area.
posturing - erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
wide stance - legs apart (standing or sitting) - to increase size.
cowboy stance - thumbs in belt loops, fingers pointing to genital area.
hands in pockets - thumbs out and pointing to genitals.
'chest-thumping' - a metaphor describing various male antics designed to draw attention to themselves, often
involving play-punching or wresting other males, laughing too loudly, head-tossing, acting the fool, etc.
room scanning - males who are available and looking for females tend to scan the room, partly to look for available
females, but also to indicate they are available themselves.
dress - clothing: style, fit, cleanliness, etc - is all an extension of personality and is therefore part of body language.
preening and grooming - adjusting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves, tugging at trouser crotch, running hands through or
smell - certain smells are attractive to females but it's a complex and highly personal area yet to be understood well.
Answers on a postcard please.
tattoos - here's an interesting one, commonly ignored in conventional body language flirting guides. Tattoos have
dramatically altered in society's perceptions in the past generation. Previously considered indicative of lower class,
lower intellect, sailors, soldiers, builders, etc., nowadays they are everywhere on everyone. Tattoos have been a
significant part of human customs for thousands of years. They are decorative, and also (in evolutionary terms)
suggested strength and machismo, since the process of obtaining them was painful and even life-threatening. Certain
females are attracted by tattoos on men, especially extensive markings. It's a drastic step to improve one's love life,
but worthy of note, because the subject is not as simple and negative as traditionally regarded. Tattoos are significant
attention-grabbers, and given the variety of subjects featured, also provide interesting talking points.
body piercings - again more complex than traditionally considered, piercings do attract attention and signify the
dancing - dancing, in a suitable place of course, has for thousands of years been an opportunity for males and females
to display their physical and sexual potential. With the exception perhaps of pogo-ing and head-banging most dance
styles replicate sexual movements - lots of rhythmic hip and leg work, contorted facial expressions, sweating and
occasional grunting, etc. For those blessed with a level of coordination dancing offers an effective way of attracting
attention, especially in crowded competitive situations. For the less rhythmic, the lesson is to find a different
The initial stages of a (usually) male-female sexual relationship are commonly represented as quite a structured
process, summarised below.
Incidentally courtship traditionally refers to the early stages of a male-female relationship leading up to sex, babies,
marriage and family life, (followed for many by mutual tolerance/indifference/loathing and acrimonious break-up).
Flirting is a common modern term for the early stages of courtship, or the beginnings of extra-marital affairs, which is
misleading since most flirting happens for fun and rarely progresses beyond non-sexual touching.
If considering flirting/courtship body language in the context of dating and mating, it's useful to recall the selling
and advertising model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action), and especially that nothing happens without first
Significantly, women are said generally make the first move - by signalling interest through establishing eye contact,
and then confusingly for men, looking away.
The process can disintegrate at any moment, often before it begins, because most men are too interested in
themselves or the bloody football on the pub telly to notice the eye contact.
Where the process reaches past the first stage, here broadly is how it is said by body language experts to unfold:
1. Eye contact (females typically lower or avert their eyes once firm contact is made).
2. Returned eye contact (by male).
3. Mutual smiling.
4. Preening, grooming, posturing (male and female).
5. Moving together as regards personal space (male typically walks to female).
7. Attentive active listening (or simulation of this, sufficient mutually to retain sense of mutual interest).
8. Synchronizing/mirroring each other's body language.
9. Touching (more significantly by the female; subtle touching can happen earlier, and at this stage can
become more intimate and daring).
A generation ago this process took a little longer than it does today. Alcohol accelerates things even more.
You'll see variations of the above sequence in body language books, and no doubt in real life too.
Males tend to react to obvious signs of availability shown by females but miss many subtle signals.
Females give lots of subtle signals, tend not to repeat them too often, and infer lack of interest in a male failing to
It's a wonder that anyone gets together at all.
The fact that most people do confirms that courtship is more complex than we readily understand.
Bowing and curtseying body language
Although now rare in Western society bowing and curtseying are interesting because they illustrate the status and
relationship aspects of body language, which are so significant in one-to-one situations.
Bowing - Bowing is mainly a male gesture. Bending the upper body downwards towards another person or group is a
signal of appreciation or subservience. The bow was in olden times a standard way for men to greet or acknowledge
another person of perceived or officially higher status. The bow is also a gesture of appreciation and thanks which
survives in entertainment and performance. Male bowing traditionally varied from a modest nod of the head, to a
very much more pronounced bend of the body from the hips. Depth of bend reflects depth of respect or appreciation.
For added dramatic effect the feet may be moved tightly together. A very traditional Western bow involves a
deeper bend combined with the (normally) right-leg pushing backwards or 'scraping' on the ground, hence the
expression 'bowing and scraping'. The effect can be augmented by the bower's hand pressing horizontally on the
stomach, and the other arm extended, or sweeping extravagantly in a circular motion, made all the more dramatic
if combined with removing a hat. Such behaviour is rare outside of Christmas pantomimes these days, however
interestingly even in modern times you will see men slightly nodding their heads in an involuntary 'semi-bow' when
meeting a person and wishing to show respect or admiration. As such, the small nod or bow of a head can be a
clue to perceived seniority in relationships. Bowing has long been more significant and complex in Eastern cultures,
where the gesture carries a similar deferential meaning, albeit it within more formal protocols and traditions. The
fundamental body language of bowing is rooted in showing subservience by lowering one's gaze and body, literally
putting the bower at a lower level than the other person. Bowing remains significant in Japanese culture.
Curtsey/curtsy - The curtsey is the female equivalent of the male bow, and in their most extreme versions curtseying
and bowing gestures are quite similar. A curtsey is a bend of the knees, combined with a slight bow of the head, and
sometimes a lifting of the skirt or dress at each side, at knee-height, by both hands. This skirt-lift dates from olden
times when this prevented a long skirt from touching wet or muddy ground. The female curtsey gesture survives
in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage or dance performance, in which you might see
an older more flamboyant and deeper curtsey entailing one knee bending sideways and the other leg bending
behind. Curtseying has effectively now been replaced by handshaking, although as with male bowing it is possible
sometimes to see small head bows by women when meeting and shaking hands with someone regarded as superior
Bowing and curtseying as conscious intentional gestures have effectively disappeared from Western behaviour, but
importantly people's body language continues to give much smaller unconscious signals which can be linked to these
old formal gestures and their meanings.
Body language glossary
This is not an exhaustive collection of body language terminology - just a summary of the main and most interesting
absorbed actions - actions stimulated through unconscious mirroring.
active listening - listening very attentively and empathizing and reflecting back understanding through body language
adaptors - small signals given when anxious or when behaving in a way that does not comfortably match the feelings,
for example lip-biting or face-touching, which are self-comforting signals.
alerting/announcement gestures - indicating need to speak, for example raising a hand, or taking a breath and lifting
american leg cross - the 'American' or 'Figure-4' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee
by the ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is called the
American leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably among males.
anthropology - the study of humankind in all respects - especially culturally, socially and in evolutionary terms,
and how these key aspects inter-relate. The word anthropology is from Greek anthropos meaning human being.
Anthropology, like psychology and ethnology and ethology, is a science which over-arches the study of body
language, and provides useful (and for serious students, essential) context for understanding the reasons and
purposes of body language. Anthropology has been studied one way or another for thousands of years and became
established under that name in the 1500s. The Human Genome project, which basically mapped the human genetic
code (started 1990, completed in 2003, and ongoing) is probably the largest anthropological study ever performed.
asymmetric/asymmetry - describing gestures or facial expressions, especially a smile, that are not symmetrical (equal
on both sides), which tends to indicate incongruence or a mixed signal and not what it might initially seem to mean.
auto-contact - describing self-touching gestures and actions.
autonomic/automatic signals - effectively involuntary stress-induced physiological behaviours, such as crying,
shaking, blushing, quickened pulse-rate, and in extreme cases retching, vomiting, fainting, etc. Involuntary in the
sense that it is virtually impossible to control these signals because they are controlled by the very basic part of the
brain responsible for our most basic bodily functions. Breathing rate is perhaps the exception, which while in many
cases will speed as a physiological response to stress, can often be controlled and slowed or deepened given suitable
back-channel signals - positive body language reactions to a speaker.
baton signals - gestures which reinforce the rhythm of speech.
barrier - describing signals in which the hands or arms or a table, or adjusting clothing, etc., form a defence or
obstruction between two people, such a folded arms.
buttress stance - weight bearing leg is straight, while the front leg is forward, usually with the foot pointing outwards
from the body. Regarded as a signal of reluctance or readiness to depart.
cluster - term for a group of body language signals, which more reliably indicate meaning or mood than a single
cognitive dissonance - conflicting understanding or feelings - cognition is understanding things through thought;
dissonance is disharmony or conflict. This is a widely used term in psychology and the effect arises very commonly in
relationships and communications. Conflicting body language signals can sometimes indicate this attitude or reaction
compliance - submissive behaviour, hence compliance signals or signs, which indicate this.
courtship - an old term for (typically) male-female relations from initial meeting through to going-out relationship
stage. Courtship in olden times (broadly since the middle ages up until the mid-late 1900s) referred to quite formal
steps of increasing familiarity between male and female, through to intimacy, perhaps with a little touching of hands
or kissing, and lots of going out for walks and visits to the cinema or theatre, etc. Sex might not rear its scary head
for weeks, months or years; and sometimes, especially if the female was from an elite or religiously obsessed family,
not until the wedding night. Nowadays 'courtship' is a much speedier affair and among modern young people can be
started, fully consummated and effectively forgotten in a matter of minutes.
denial - signals of denial effectively undo or contradict more conscious typically false or manufactured body language,
thereby betraying true feeling or motive.
displacement - a stress signal typically prompted by suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other inhibition, for
example biting fingernails, picking at finger(s) or thumb.
distraction - signalling prompted by stress, usually quite inappropriate to the needs of the situation, for example
stretching and relaxing, or pausing to take a drink when an emergency arises.
emotional intelligence - also known as EQ, Emotional Intelligence is based on 'feeling intelligence' (rather than IQ -
Intelligence Quotient - based on logical intelligence), and the capability to understand and communicate with others
very empathically, which requires awareness of emotional behavior and ability to deal with people sensitively.
emphatic/emphasizing gestures - gestures which reinforce the meaning of spoken words, e.g., jabbing fingers,
erogenous zone - any part of the human body particularly sensitive to touching and sexual arousal - the word
erogenous first appeared in the late 1800s which suggests when the effect was first analyzed and recorded in any
serious sense. The word erogenous derives from Eros, the Greek god of love (Cupid is Roman), from which the word
erotic also derives. Erogenous zones contain high concentration of nerve endings and are significant in flirting and
sex. Aside from the obvious genital areas and bottoms and breasts, erogenous zones include necks, inner side of arms
and wrists, armpits and lips. Incidentally the G in G-spot is named after Ernst Grafenberg (1881-1957) a German-
born gynaecological doctor and scientist who as well as being an expert on the female orgasm, was first to invent and
commercially market a IUD (intrauterine device or coil) for female birth control.
ethnology - the study of different ethnic people and their differences and relationships. Ethnology is a branch of
anthropology, concerned with ethnic effects, and where this involves behavior it certainly relates to body language.
The word ethnology is derived from Greek ethnos meaning nation. The establishment of the science and word
ethnology is credited to Slovakian/Austrian Adam Franz Kollar (1718-1783), a nobleman, professor and librarian who
became a Court Councilor for the Habsburg Monarchy of the Kingdom of Hungary, as it once was. The modern study
and awareness of ethnology is arguably hampered by sensitivities around racism. Ethnic differences between people
obviously exist, and ironically where over-sensitivity to racism and equality obstructs debate, society's understanding
of these issues remains clouded and confused.
ethology - ethology is primarily the science of animal behaviour, but increasingly extends to human behaviour and
social organization. The word ethology first appeared in English in the late 1800s, derived from the Greek word ethos
meaning character or disposition. Ethology became properly established during the early 1900s. Austrian zoologist
and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad Lorenz (1903-89) was a founding figure. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked
Ape, is an ethologist. So is the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. Where ethology considers animal evolution
and communications, it relates strongly to human body language. Charles Darwin's work pioneered much ethological
eye flash - a sudden direct glance to attract attention or warn, usually followed by some other more specific signal.
eyebrow flash - quickly raising and lowering both eyebrows - typically in greetings, recognition, acknowledgement, or
surprise. An eyebrow flash can therefore also be a signal of positive interest.
eye shrug - upwards eye-roll signalling frustration.
face frame - framing the face with the hands to hold or attract listeners' attention.
haptics - the study of human touch, from the Greek word haptikos, meaning able to touch. The word haptics in this
sense entered the English language in the 1800s, which indicates when human touch began to be a serious area of
hybrid expression - a term apparently originated by Charles Darwin, it refers to a facial expression which combines
two seemingly different or opposing meanings, for example a smile with a head-turn away from the person the smile
is meant for. Hybrid expressions provide further emphasis of the need to avoid reading single signals. Combinations of
signals and context are necessary, especially to make sense of hybrid expressions which contain different meanings.
illustrative gesture - gestures which shape or describe the physical dimensions of something by using the hands in the
index finger - first finger of the hand - usually the most dominant and dexterous finger, hence used mostly in pointing
kine - an obscure term describing a single body language signal (devised by body language expert Dr Ray Birdwhistell,
c.1952, from the longer term kinesics).
kinesics - the technical term for body language. Kinesics is pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee'). The word
kinesics was first used in English in this sense in the 1950s, from the Greek word kinesis, meaning motion.
labial tractors - a wonderful term for the muscles around the mouth. The word labial in phonetics means closure or
part closure of the mouth, and additionally refers to the resulting vowel sounds produced, like w, oo, etc.
leakage - leakage signals are the small signs which are most difficult to control or mask, and which therefore offer
clues even when someone is generally in good control of their outgoing body language signals.
mask/masking - using body language, usually intentionally, to deceive others as to true feelings or motives.
metronome/metronomic signals - these are any rhythmic tappings or movements which indicate a readiness or self-
prompting to speak or take action- a termed devised by body language expert Judi James.
micro-gestures - tiny body language 'leakage' signals, often unconsciously sent and interpreted, more likely to be
seen and reacted to unconsciously rather than consciously, unless concentrating determinedly.
mime/miming gestures - gestures used consciously to convey a specific message, such as extending the thumb and
little finger by the ear to say "Phone me," or wiping imaginary sweat from the brow to express relief after a crisis
mirroring - the synchronizing or matching of body language (and speech characteristics), usually between two people,
which helps build feelings of trust and empathy. Mirroring works like this because similar signals produce unconscious
feelings of affirmation. When a person's signals are mirrored the unconscious mind thinks, "This person is like me
and agrees with the way I am. I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too." See NLP (Neuro-
Linguistic Programming), and Empathy. Pacing refers to the mirroring of someone's speed of movements.
NLP/Neuro-linguistic programming - a branch of psychology developed in the 1960s which combines language,
body movement and thought to optimise self-control and development, and relationships and communications with
others. NLP research has fuelled much of the analytical aspects of modern popular body language, notably mirroring
palm - inside surface of the hand - significant in body language because an open palm has for thousands of years
indicated that no weapon is concealed, which survives as perhaps a genetically inherited signal of peace, cooperation,
phallus/phallic - phallus means penis, from the ancient Greek word phallos of the same meaning. Phallic refers
to something which looks like or represents a penis, often called a phallic symbol. Phallic symbols are prevalent in
psychology and aspects of flirting or sexual body language. The female equivalent term is a yonic symbol, from yoni,
Hindu for vulva and a symbolic circular stone representing divine procreation. Yoni was originally an old Sanskrit
word, meaning source or womb.
physiognomy - an obscure yet related concept to body language. Physiognomy refers to facial features and
expressions which indicate the person's character or nature, or ethnic origin. The word physiognomy is derived from
medieval Latin, and earlier Greek (phusiognominia), meaning (the art or capability of) judging a person's nature from
his/her facial features and expressions.
physiology - the branch of biology concerned with how living organisms function, notably parts of the human body.
physiological signals - body language produced by the unconscious basic brain which controls bodily functions, which
in body language can be signals such as sweating, blushing, breathlessness, yawning, weeping, feeling faint, nauseous,
primary emotions - first identified by Charles Darwin, typically represented as happiness, sadness, disgust, anger,
fear, surprise, and linked to universal facial expressions and recognition.
proxemics - the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. The word and much of the
fundamental theory was devised by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist in the late 1950s and early
1960s. The word is Hall's adaptation of the word proximity, meaning closeness or nearness.
pseudo-infantile gestures - gestures of childlike vulnerability, often made to avert attack, attract sympathy, or to
induce feelings of compassion, attention, etc.
pupil - the round black centre of the eye which enlarges or contracts to let more or less light into the eye. The pupil
generally enlarges (dilates) in the dark, and contracts in brightness. Enlarged pupils are also associated with desire
and allure. Enlarged pupils are not a symptom of smoking drugs as commonly believed. This is probably a confusion
arising from the fact that conditions are relatively dark when such judgements are made.
rictus - a fixed grimace, usually resulting from shock or nervousness. From Latin word meaning 'open mouth'.
scissor stance - standing leg cross. Various meanings very dependant on context and other signals.
self-motivating gestures - gestures signalling attempting to increase mental work-rate or activity, like tapping the
head repeatedly or making circular motions with the hands, as if winding the body up.
show - (noun) - a 'show' is term recently adopted by body language commentators referring to a body language
signal. The term is slang really, not technical. For terminology to become casually 'hip' in this way reflects the
mainstream appeal of body language as a subject.
steepling - forming the fingers into a a pointed roof shape, often signalling elevated thinking or arrogance.
submission/submissive - describing body language which signals inferiority feelings towards another person. May be
conscious and formal as in bowing, or unconscious as in slightly lowering the head and stance.
synchronizing - a technical term equating to mirroring or matching of body language between two people.
Synchronizing is technically more appropriate since it naturally includes audible signals (voice pace and pitch, etc),
whereas the mirroring term normally makes people think of visual signals only. The principles of synchronized body
language definitely include audible signals in addition to physical visual signs.
tell - (noun) - a 'tell' - a slang term similar to 'a show' recently adopted by body language commentators which means
tie signs/signals - signals between lovers or intimate couples which discreetly convey messages to each other and
which are not usually intended for anyone else.
Body language references sources and books
Some of the older books listed here have since been republished by different publishers.
Willhelm Wundt, The Language of Gestures, 1920
Charles Darwin, The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals, 1872, Murray
Edward Twitchell Hall, The Silent Language, 1959, Doubleday
E T Hall, Proxemics - A Study of Man's Spatial Relationship, 1963, International Universities Press
E T Hall, The Hidden Dimension, 1966, Doubleday
J S Bruner and R Taquiri, The Perception of People, 1954, Handbook of Social Psychology, Addison Wesley
Robert Ardrey, The Territorial Imperative, 1966, Dell
Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape, 1967, Cape
Julius Fast, Body Language, 1971, Pan
D Hartland and C Tosh, Guide to Body Language, 2001, Caxton
P Ekman, E R Sorenson and W V Friesen, Pan-Cultural Elements in Facial Displays of Emotion, Science Vol 164, No
C Boyes, Need to Know Body Language, 2005, Harper Collins
E Kuhnke, Body Language for Dummies, 2007, Wiley
Judi James, The Body Language Bible, 2008, Random House
Other significant and founding body language writers include:
Tinbergen, N; Watchtel, P L; Schlefen, A E; Ortega Y Gasset, J; Carpenter, C R; Cherry, C; Dittman, Parloff & Boomer;
Frank, L K; Goffman, E; Kinzell, A F; Mehrabian & Wiener; Nielsen, G; Lorenz, K; Mahl, G F.
The author Roger E Axtell writes entertainingly and informatively about international body language and behaviours.
This section is not particularly scientific. It's more for interest and to make a general point:
Body language and the spoken words themselves do not provide all the clues, there are others.
Other audible signals (apart from the words themselves) also give lots of clues about feeling, mood, motive and
Words themselves convey their own meaning, which is another subject, not least when we think about vocabulary,
grammar, word-choice, etc. But what about all the other noises and silences from people's mouths?
Other audible signals which are not generally regarded as part of body language or non-verbal communications
• pitch (the contant musical note of the voice)
• pace (speed or rate of talking)
• volume - from whispering to shouting
• volume variation (how volume changes in phrases or longer passages of speech)
• intonation and 'musicality' (how the pitch changes according to what is being said)
• timbre (quality or sound of the voice, and how this changes)
• emphasis (of syllables, words or phrases)
• projection (where the voice is being projected to - for example lots of projection, as if talking to a big group,
or none, as if mumbling)
• pauses, silences and hesitation
• 'erm's and 'erh's
• gasps, tuts, and other intakes and exhalations of breath
• habits, such as "I think...," "You know...," "Like...,"
• laughing and giggling (which can be interspersed within speech, or separate signals, such as nervous
and all sorts of other audible/vocal effects, including:
• accents and dialects
• accent affectations ('received' or conditioned, false or exaggerated - permanent or temporary, for example
social climbers, and ordinary people who have a 'telephone voice', or a voice for talking to authority figures)
• mistakes (spoonerisms, malapropisms, mispronunciation)
• drying up, being lost for words, stuttering (as distinct from a stammer)
• overtaking (feeling the need to fill a silence)
• holding back (someone has something to say but isn't saying it)
• coughs and grunts (some types of coughing suggest something other than a tickly throat)
• belching and burping
• tongue clicking, teeth-sucking, raspberries, etc
Technically these signals are not body language or non-verbal communications, but all of these sounds (and silences)
are quite different from the spoken words, and they can all convey more and/or different meaning compared to the
spoken words themselves.
All of this audible signalling happens for a purpose. We might not easily know what the purpose is, but being aware of
it is the start of being able to understand it better, in others, and possibly also in ourselves.
Commonly the more noticeable unnecessary signals are embellishments or defensiveness - a kind of showing-off or
Other aspects can be more subtle indicators of social background or aspiration, and thereby of relationship and
attitude towards other people.
These other audible signals represent a big and complex area which seems yet to have been researched and analysed
to the extent that body language has. Also cultural differences are potentially influential, which hinders translation
and specific interpretation.
Despite this, initially simply being aware of these signals will begin to shape an appreciation of their significance, and
in many cases their underlying meanings.
Johari enthusiasts might enjoy seeking feedback and asking others about what their own signals mean, that is if you/
they are aware of the behaviours.
Certain principles of graphology (handwriting analysis) are helpful in understanding how people use words and
language in a wider sense. The style and nature of our written and vocal expressions inevitably provide a reflection of
our feelings and personality.
We are grateful to Sandra McCarthy for her help in producing this guide to body language.
1. Fast Julius. Body Language[M]. Pocket Books, N.Y. 1971.
2. Hall, Edward T. The Silent Language. Anchor Book Edition, Doubleday and Company. N.Y. 1973.
3. Cherry, Colin. On Human Communication[M]. M.I.T. Press, Cambridge, Mass. 1968.
4. Chomsky, Noam. Language and Mind[M]. Harcourt, Bruce & World, Inc., N.Y. 1978.
12. Eastman, Carol M. Aspects of Language and Culture[M]. Chandler and Sharp Publishers, San Francisco, 1975.
20.1 Introduction and basics
20.2 Body language definitions
20.3 Background and history
20.4 Nature or nurture?
20.5 Body language and evolution
20.6 Universal facial expressions
20.7 Reading and analyzing body language
20.8 Body language signals and meanings :-
20.9 Mirroring (synchronizing) body language
20.10 Seating positions and arrangements
20.11 Body language - examples of cultural differences
20.12 Flirting, courtship, dating and mating body language - male and female
20.13 Glossary - main body language terms
20.14 Body language references and books
20.15 Other audible signals
NON- VERBAL COMMUNICATION: INTRODUCTION AND BASIC
What is the non-verbal past of the message?
Nonverbal communication consists of that part of a message that is not encoded in words. The
nonverbal part of the message tends to be less conscious and often reveals the sender’s feelings and
preferences more spontaneously and honestly than the verbal part. If the verbal message does not
match the nonverbal communication, people tend to believe the nonverbal message. The nonverbal
aspects of communication are so closely intermingled with the verbal that it is difficult to separate
them. People receiving verbal and non-verbal messages combine them with the context in which the
communication takes place and interpret the total message.
Four types of nonverbal messages
Non-verbal communication can be classified into four types.
1. Personal (to the individual)
2. common to a group of people or culture
3. universal (to humankind)
4. unrelated to the message (random)
Personal Nonverbal communication involves kinds of nonverbal behaviour that are unique to one
person. The meaning is also unique to the person sending the message. For example, someone may
work while talking, another person may work in silence. One person may laugh due to nervousness or
fear, while another may cry.
Cultural nonverbal communication, by contrast, is characteristics of, or common to, a group of people. It
is learned unconsciously by observing others in the society group. In Aboriginal culture, for example, eye
contact is less acceptable than it is European culture.
Universal nonverbal communication is behaviour that is common to humankind. It shows happiness,
sadness or deep-seated feelings – for example, a smile or tears.
Unrelated nonverbal communication, such as a sneeze, is unrelated to the verbal message. It can
distract from the verbal message, but has little effect on the meaning of the verbal part of the message.
How to analyze non-verbal communication?
People communicate nonverbally with body movement and with personal relationship behaviors.
This nonverbal communication changes or complements the verbal communication. Nonverbal
communication always occurs in a context, or framework. The context often determines the meaning
of the nonverbal behavior. On different occasions the same nonverbal gesture may have completely
different meanings. Without context and spoken works, nonverbal behavior is almost impossible to
interpret with any accuracy.
Different aspects of non-verbal communication
Theoretical writings and research classify nonverbal communication into seven main areas:
1. Body movement (kinesics behaviour)
2. Physical characteristics
3. Touching behaviour
4. Vocal qualities (paralanguage)
5. Space (proximity)
7. Environment
Body movement, or kinesics behaviour, includes movement of the hands, head, feet and legs, posture,
eye movements and facial expressions – all these affect the message. Body posture – the way a person
stands, leans forward. A person leaning forward, pointing and shaking a finger at someone is seen as
trying to dominate the other person. The way this is received by others, and the type of feedback given,
determines how the communication will flow. For example, emblems are non-verbal acts learnt through
Non-verbal Communication in different countries across the world:
When a Chinese converse with an American friend of the opposite sex, would it be indecent to looking at the
An American says, “yes”, while lowering the eyes. Dose he really mean “yes”?
If two young Chinese friends of the same sex walk with their arms around each other’s shoulder or hold hands,
would English-speaking people regard this as proper?
These are not questions about language, but about body language, about nonverbal communication.
What’s the body language? It has the definitions in both narrow and broad senses. In the narrow sense, body
language includes body movement and facial expression, which can send messages. As to the broad one, it includes
gesture、posture、 facial expression、 timbre of the speaker、 distance between speaker and listener, and clothes
of the speaker (胡文仲 1988. 10.). In my point of view, body language should includes facial expressions, body
movements, and body contact.
In the social interaction, when we converse with others, we communicate by much more than words. By our
expressions, gestures and other body movements, we convey messages to the other people. Body language exists in
every culture, but not all body languages mean the same thing in different cultures. Different peoples have different
ways of making nonverbal communication. The answers to the questions of this paper at the beginning are all "no".
As the global village tends to become smaller and smaller, it is more important for people to communicate across
culture and language barriers, particularly to those who have verbal language barriers. In fact, body language is more
important to people from other culture than it is to the native. To native-born people, the spoken word is by far the
most important communicational tool. In other culture, however, the way words are spoken along with the gestures,
postures and the facial expressions that accompany those words is of greater significance.
Ⅱ. Content—cultural differences between China and American in body language conveying emotional feelings
Body language has three major functions: assisting, substituting and expressing or hiding emotional feelings. ( 胡
文仲 ,1998.10 ) Emotion is the most complicated thing of human being. To express one’s inner feelings is even more
difficult. As the convey made by experts, human beings seldom express their complex feeling in words, and in some
situation, it is more than words can convey exactly. And even though they express it by spoken words, they usually
perform gestures along with it. This is because the body language is more articulate than words in communicating
emotion. For example, the Chinese that says, “Yes”, while lowering the eyes may mean, “No”, because sometimes
they feel reluctant to disrupt the harmony of the relationship by directly saying so (for example, when father ask you
to do something which you don’t like, you may also say “Yes” in order to keep the harmonious relation with Dad).
In the mainstream American culture, the folded arms of resolve, the grimace of pain or anger, the hand wringing of
anxiety, are powerful communicators of emotions. When people are sad, crying may be more suitable than words to
express it. Think about how much more convinced you are, for example, that a group of children are excited when
they jump up and down than if they simply state, “ We are very excited.”
According to the above description, we can see that body language diverse in different cultures, so does it used
in expressing emotional feelings. Therefore, in this paper, I attempt to make a comparison the differences of body
language used in expressing the emotional feelings betweens China and America.
2.1 To show friendliness
You may see two men walk hand in hand or with an arm around another's shoulder. It is a sign of friendship in
China. However, Americans strongly disapprove it. The situation is regarded as homosexual in American culture.
In China, if two old friends meet somewhere after several years. They may pull or push each other, or they may
pat other' s shoulder to show their close friendship. Americans seldom do this. It is rude to touch others wildly even
though he is the intimate friend in American culture.
If a Chinese, attempting to show his friendliness, stands to close to an American. The American will step back,
wanting to keep a certain distance. This is because America belongs non-touching cultures. They like to keep about 30
inches apart from one another, which is considered their personal" comfort zone".
In China, a common complaint of American mothers is that Chinese often fondle their babies and very small
children. Such behaviors like touching, patting, hugging or kissing may be considered rude, intrusive and offensive in
American culture, even though those behaviors are merely signs of friendliness or affection in Chinese culture.
When meeting others, to show respect or friendliness, Chinese usually shake hands or nod. In America, you can
see people often hug or kiss to show friendliness, which is quite embarrassing and awkward for Chinese, especially
between the opposite sex. In China, kissing is only for lovers or parents to children.
If you invite an American friend to dinner in your house, to show hospitality, you may serve food constantly in
his plate. But he may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, because in American custom, one must eat up food in his
plate, if not, he might be regarded as a grandiose man, let alone to mention they do not like some certain dishes (for
example viscera of animals)
When people (both Americans and Chinese) find something is curious, they may glare blankly . But when Chinese
glares at an American, it may makes the latter angry, because in American Culture, staring at people or holding a
glance too long is considered improper.
There is also a dominant curiosity in the class, where an American teacher teaches in a Chinese school. Chinese
students will feel unaccustomed when they see their foreign teacher sitting on the desk to teach. They consider it as a
rude manner, and the gesture may break the teaching rule. But to American, the action is only to minimize the tense
atmosphere of the class and shorten the distance from students. So the most common complaint of American teacher
is that they feel too conservative, too formal, and too dull at Chinese class. In this aspect, it can show a big cultural
gap between Chinese and Americans.
Grey face, shouting and gnashing etc. usually present one’s anger. In China, stamping one's foot also show one's
anger, but in America, it shows one' s feeling of impatience.
In China, people will cry sadly at the funeral rites. According to Chinese culture, people who don’t cry when
attending the funeral are not filial persons. But in America, people rarely cry loudly at that moment, because
according to American custom, crying in front of the public is a kind of lacking accomplishment.
2.4 To show indifference.
To show one's indifference, people usually ignore the existence of others. But in some situation, it may cause
some problems. In America, when two persons are talking, they must look at each other. If not, one who doesn’t look
may be considered that he is indifferent and may be regarded as a rude manner. In China, looking at people too long
when talking may make the others very uncomfortable, especially talking to ladies.
Arms akimbo is a common gesture to show one’s rage in both culture. Besides, American usually used a gesture--
extending the forefinger and makes a circular motion near the temple or ear to show that someone is crazy, because
to the psychology, crazy man is something wrong with his brain. But when Americans do this, it may be embarrassed
to Chinese people, because it is just a gesture of thinking in China.
American always avoid making sound which spur out from body, such as, sneezing, cough, snuffle, spitting, fart,
blowing nose, clearing throat, making gurgle of stomach and so on. They always try to constrain making this kind of
sound at the face of others, if not, they will make apology to others. But Chinese don’t view those gestures so serious
as Americans. Chinese take it as a normal presentation of physiology. It used to be regarded as ridding the body of a
waste-an act of personal hygiene. So to Chinese, it is unnecessary to make apology as long as he doesn’t make sound
towards people or food.
In China, a common presentation of people who are angry is that he will pat the table. This can be traced back to
ancient time. The gesture appeared in the process of those officials trying the legal cases. When they are angry, they
pat the platform to frighten the suspect to confess. The other gesture is that when people are angry, they usually
brow their moustache and sometimes their hair hanging on the forehead, which you can see in the Chinese play.
Some gestures seen common in China may make American feel uncomfortable or even disgusted. The following
When Chinese people drink hot soup, they often brow the surface of the soup first . Moreover, they may make
some sound when they swallow it. American regards it as an impolite gesture, because in their culture, making a
sound when eating is a very bad manner. On the other hand, Chinese view Americans' eating with hands as a dirty
American regards it as a dirty manner when they see Chinese sitting on the ground with a piece of paper under
his bottoms. In American concept, it is an action of insanitation, because they view this as a presentation of throwing
waste paper. In the converse, it is just a case of sanitation in China, because the paper can keep the trousers clean.
Maybe it is because the two views are of different focus. Chinese focus on his own benefit while Americans a little
Americans often chew their fingernails to express their emotional stress, worry and not knowing what to do, but
chewing the fingernail is considered to be unsanitary in China.
When Chinese people see a friend wearing beautiful clothes or making a nice hairstyle, they tend to touch it to
see how it is made. The manner is only a feeling of admiration, but it is impolite to American.
To push one’s way though crowd, American usually use two hands to push against the crowd. In China, people,
however, are accustomed to get through the crowed by their bodies with the arms keeping close to two sides. Both
gestures have their own reason. Americans want to keep wider personal area than Chinese, so they push away the
people by their hands before their bodies are touched. Chinese view this gesture as an overbearing manner. On the
other hand, Americans feel very antipathy when Chinese touch others’ bodies without the remark “ Excuse me.
Both Chinese and American may chin up to point the direction. In China, people may also scoop up their lips along
with it. In America, scooping up the lips at others is a gesture of flirtation.
2.7 To express affection
In china, public display of affection is rare, but in America, the occasion is very common.
Hugging and kissing when greeting are common in America, but they are only used to express affection among
In china, one particular gesture for people to imply their love is winking their eyes to his or her lover, which
however, may be only a flirtatious gesture by man.
2.8 To show embarrassment
“ Nodding the head up and down” means “ Yes” and “ shaking the head side to side” means “No”. At this point,
China is the same as America. But in some situation, the action of the head in America may confuse Chinese. For
example, “ you should not be discouraged.” Mother said to us. We all shook our heads. Chinese may be confused
in American’s shaking head at that moment. Shaking head means “No. We won’t be discouraged” in words. But it
means “ 是”(yes) when translated into Chinese. So Chinese will nod the head at the same situation.
Smiles and laughter usually convey friendliness, approval, satisfaction, pleasure and joy etc. This is generally true
in China as well as America. However, there are situations when some Chinese will laugh that will cause negative
reactions by Americans. To illustrate, here is an example:
When an American is parking his bicycle, for example, and the bicycle accidentally falls over, he feels embarrassed
at his awkwardness, and is quite angered and humiliated when Chinese onlookers laugh. I have seen the same thing
happen in the dining room, when a foreigner dropped a plate quite by accident and felt bad and Chinese onlookers
laughed, compounding his discomfort and causing anger and bad feeling.
Such laughter, of course, is not at the person or his misfortune—whether he be a foreigner or a Chinese. It can
convey a number of feelings: don’t take it so seriously; laugh it off, it’s nothing; such things can happen to any of us,
etc. However, for people who are unaware of this attitude, the reaction to such laughter is usually quite unpleasant
and often generates ill feeling towards those laughing.
Silence may mean agreement, but also disagreement in communication in Chinese culture. However, in
America, silence usually means failure of communication. So, sometimes, the Chinese keeping silence may make
American embarrassed, because they don’t know whether others agree or not; or whether they understand or don’t
understand him. So you can see American teachers always tell students to nod the head when understanding and
shake the head when don’t understand. In China, although, in some situation, one doesn’t understand or agree with
the speaker, he may also keep silence. This is just a gesture of respect to speaker, especially, to the elder.
2.9 Some other differences
In China, if people feel shy, they may cover his face with both hands, and when people show others that doing
something is shy, they may do this—forefinger of one hand extended, tip touches one’s own face several times
quickly; similar to scratching, but with the forefinger straight (usually with the remark “shame on you”). In America,
people show shame by this—forefinger of each hand extended, palms down in front of one’s body; one forefinger
makes several brushing movements over the back of the other forefinger.
Lowering or swaggering one's head is used to show one's disappointment. But American also show his
unfortunate with thumb down which is regarded as despising or looking down up others in China.
In America, to despise some one, they often make a gesture like this-- pushing the nose with thumb and
swaggering the other four fingers. However, in China, the gesture--putting the fist up in front of chest with the thump
down is used to express this sense.
People often use one hand covering the mouth and yawn or pat the open mouth slightly with fingers of one hand
to show their impatience or their indifference in something. But in China, people usually stretch the left hand with
palm down and support the palm with the forefinger of the right hand in the middle to show it.
Tensing one's face, frown and fidget often convey one's inner worry. This is the same in both cultures. There are
still some gestures particular in China. For example, you can see a girl scratching a corner of the clothes, or sometimes
scratching her hair or sweeping her forehead as if she is sweating even though it is cold.
Body language communication is as effective as words—may be even more. Body language exists in every culture,
but it is also diverse in every culture is woven inextricably into our social lives. However, the “ vocabulary” of gestures
can be expressive and entertaining but also can be dangerous. The same gesture may mean completely different
thing, and some gestures may be taboo in other culture. As the globalization hastens its pace, all cultures influence
and infiltrate further. Some values and ideas of one country have altered and even are replaced. To maintain certain
concept rigidly turns out to be ignorant. Presently we can find that some gestures we use daily originate from other
countries. For example, “shrugging one’s shoulders with two arms down and palm out” means “ I don’t know.” In
the world of body languages, the best single piece of advice is to remember the two A’s—“Ask” and “aware”(Axtell,
Roger E. Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the world. John Wiley & Son, 1991) if you see a
motion or gesture that is new or confusing, ask a local person what it signifies. Just be aware of the many body signs
and customs around you.
Body language - basics and introduction
Body language is a powerful concept which successful people tend to understand well.
The study and theory of body language has become popular in recent years because psychologists have been able to
understand what we 'say' through our bodily gestures and facial expressions, so as to translate our body language,
revealing its underlying feelings and attitudes.
Body Language is also referred to as 'non-verbal communications', and less commonly 'non-vocal communications'.
The term 'non-verbal communications' tends to be used in a wider sense, and all these terms are somewhat vague.
For the purposes of this article, the terms 'body language' and 'non-verbal communications' are broadly
interchangeable. This guide also takes the view that body language/non-verbal communications is the study of how
people communicate face-to-face aside from the spoken words themselves, and in this respect the treatment of the
subject here is broader than typical body language guides limited merely to body positions and gestures.
If you carry out any serious analysis or discussion you should clarify the terminology in your own way to suit your
Does body language include facial expression and eye movement? - Usually, yes.
What about breathing and perspiration? - This depends on your definition of body language.
And while tone and pitch of voice are part of verbal signals, are these part of body language too? - Not normally,
but arguably so, especially as you could ignore them if considering only the spoken words and physical gestures/
There are no absolute right/wrong answers to these questions. It's a matter of interpretation.
A good reason for broadening the scope of body language is to avoid missing important signals which might not be
considered within a narrow definition of body language.
Nevertheless confusion easily arises if definitions and context are not properly established, for example:
It is commonly and carelessly quoted that 'non-verbal communications' and/or 'body language' account for up to 93%
of the meaning that people take from any human communication. This statistic is actually a distortion based on Albert
Mehrabian's research theory, which while itself is something of a cornerstone of body language research, certainly
did not make such a sweeping claim.
Mehrabian's research findings in fact focused on communications with a strong emotional or 'feelings' element.
Moreover the 93% non-verbal proportion included vocal intonation (paralinguistics), which are regarded by many as
falling outside of the body language definition.
Care must therefore be exercised when stating specific figures relating to percentages of meaning conveyed, or in
making any firm claims in relation to body language and non-verbal communications.
It is safe to say that body language represents a very significant proportion of meaning that is conveyed and
interpreted between people. Many body language experts and sources seem to agree that that between 50-80% of
all human communications are non-verbal. So while body language statistics vary according to situation, it is generally
accepted that non-verbal communications are very important in how we understand each other (or fail to), especially
in face-to-face and one-to-one communications, and most definitely when the communications involve an emotional
Body language is especially crucial when we meet someone for the first time.
We form our opinions of someone we meet for the first time in just a few seconds, and this initial instinctual
assessment is based far more on what we see and feel about the other person than on the words they speak. On
many occasions we form a strong view about a new person before they speak a single word.
Consequently body language is very influential in forming impressions on first meeting someone.
The effect happens both ways - to and from:
• When we meet someone for the first time, their body language, on conscious and unconscious levels,
largely determines our initial impression of them.
• In turn when someone meets us for the first time, they form their initial impression of us largely from our
body language and non-verbal signals.
And this two-way effect of body language continues throughout communications and relationships between people.
Body language is constantly being exchanged and interpreted between people, even though much of the time this is
happening on an unconscious level.
Remember - while you are interpreting (consciously or unconsciously) the body language of other people, so other
people are constantly interpreting yours.
The people with the most conscious awareness of, and capabilities to read, body language tend to have an advantage
over those whose appreciation is limited largely to the unconscious.
You will shift your own awareness of body language from the unconscious into the conscious by learning about the
subject, and then by practising your reading of non-verbal communications in your dealings with others.
Body language is more than body positions and movements
Body language is not just about how we hold and move our bodies.
Body language potentially (although not always, depending on the definition you choose to apply) encompasses:
• how we position our bodies
• our closeness to and the space between us and other people (proxemics), and how this changes
• our facial expressions
• our eyes especially and how our eyes move and focus, etc
• how we touch ourselves and others
• how our bodies connect with other non-bodily things, for instance, pens, cigarettes, spectacles and
• our breathing, and other less noticeable physical effects, for example our heartbeat and perspiration
Body language tends not to include:
• The pace, pitch, and intonation, volume, variation, pauses, etc., of our voice.
Arguably this last point should be encompassed by body language, because a lot happens here which can easily be
missed if we consider merely the spoken word and the traditional narrow definition of body language or non-verbal
Voice type and other audible signals are typically not included in body language because they are audible 'verbal'
signals rather than physical visual ones, nevertheless the way the voice is used is a very significant (usually
unconscious) aspect of communication, aside from the bare words themselves.
Consequently, voice type is always important to consider alongside the usual body language factors.
Similarly breathing and heartbeat, etc., are typically excluded from many general descriptions of body language, but
are certainly part of the range of non-verbal bodily actions and signals which contribute to body language in its fullest
More obviously, our eyes are a vital aspect of our body language.
Our reactions to other people's eyes - movement, focus, expression, etc - and their reactions to our eyes - contribute
greatly to mutual assessment and understanding, consciously and unconsciously.
With no words at all, massive feeling can be conveyed in a single glance. The metaphor which describes the eyes of
two lovers meeting across a crowded room is not only found in old romantic movies. It's based on scientific fact - the
strong powers of non-verbal communications.
These effects - and similar powerful examples - have existed in real human experience and behavior for thousands of
The human body and our instinctive reactions have evolved to an amazingly clever degree, which many of us ignore
or take for granted, and which we can all learn how to recognize more clearly if we try.
Our interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial expressions, is instinctive, and with a little thought and
knowledge we can significantly increase our conscious awareness of these signals: both the signals we transmit, and
the signals in others that we observe.
Doing so gives us a significant advantage in life - professionally and personally - in our dealings with others.
Body language is not just reading the signals in other people.
Importantly, understanding body language enables better self-awareness and self-control too.
We understand more about other people's feelings and meanings, and we also understand more about these things
When we understand body language we become better able to refine and improve what our body says about us,
which generates a positive improvement in the way we feel, the way we perform, and what we achieve.
Body language definitions
As explained, the terms body language and non-verbal communications are rather vague.
So what is body language? And more usefully, what might we regard it to be, if we are to make the most of studying
The Oxford English Dictionary (revised 2005) definition is:
"Body language - noun - the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are
communicated [for example]: his intent was clearly expressed in his body language."
The Oxford Business English Dictionary offers a slightly different definition. Appropriately and interestingly the Oxford
Business English Dictionary emphasizes the sense that body language can be used as a tool, rather than it being an
involuntary effect with no particular purpose:
"Body language - noun - the process of communicating what you are feeling or thinking by the way you place and
move your body rather than by words [for example]: The course trains sales people in reading the customer's body
The OED dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term for body language - depends on the interpretation
of 'non-verbal communication':
"Kinesics - the study of the way in which certain body movements and gestures serve as a form of non-verbal
Body language is more than those brief descriptions.
• Body language certainly also encompasses where the body is in relation to other bodies (often referred to
• Body language certainly also includes very small bodily movements such as facial expressions and eye
• Body language also arguably covers all that we communicate through our bodies apart from the spoken
words (thereby encompassing breathing, perspiration, pulse, blood-pressure, blushing, etc.)
In this respect, standard dictionary definitions don't always describe body language fully and properly.
We could define body language more fully as:
"Body language is the unconscious and conscious transmission and interpretation of feelings, attitudes, and moods,
• body posture, movement, physical state, position and relationship to other bodies, objects and
• facial expression and eye movement,
(and this transmission and interpretation can be quite different to the spoken words)."
Words alone - especially emotional words (or words used in emotional situations) - rarely reflect full or true meaning
We find clues to additional or true meaning in body language.
Being able to 'read' body language therefore helps us greatly:
• to know how people feel and what they mean, and
• to understand better how people might be perceiving our own non-verbal signals, and (often overlooked)
• to understand ourselves better, deeper than the words we hear ourselves saying.
Body language - background and history
Philosophers and scientists have connected human physical behavior with meaning, mood and personality for
thousands of years, but only in living memory has the study of body language become as sophisticated and detailed
Body language studies and written works on the subject are very sparse until the mid-1900s.
The first known experts to consider aspects of body language were probably the ancient Greeks, notably Hippocrates
and Aristotle, through their interest in human personality and behavior, and the Romans, notably Cicero, relating
gestures to feelings and communications. Much of this early interest was in refining ideas about oration - speech-
making - given its significance to leadership and government.
Isolated studies of body language appeared in more recent times, for example Francis Bacon in Advancement of
Learning, 1605, explored gestures as reflection or extension of spoken communications. John Bulwer's Natural
History of the Hand published in 1644, considered hand gestures. Gilbert Austin's Chironomia in 1806 looked at using
gestures to improve speech-making.
Charles Darwin in the late 1800s could be regarded as the earliest expert to have made serious scientific observation
about body language, but there seems little substantial development of ideas for at least the next 150 years.
Darwin's work pioneered much ethological thinking. Ethology began as the science of animal behavior. It became
properly established during the early 1900s and increasingly extends to human behavior and social organization.
Where ethology considers animal evolution and communications, it relates strongly to human body language.
Ethologists have progressively applied their findings to human behaviour, including body language, reflecting the
evolutionary origins of much human non-verbal communication - and society's growing acceptance of evolutionary
rather than creationist theory. Austrian zoologist and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad Lorenz (1903-89) was a
founding figure in ethology. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked Ape, discussed below, is an ethologist, as is the
evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins (b. 1941) a leading modern thinker in the field. Ethology, like psychology, is an
over-arching science which continues to clarify the understanding of body language.
The popular and accessible study of body language as we know it today is very recent.
In his popular 1971 book 'Body Language', Julius Fast (1919-2008) wrote: "...kinesics [body language] is still so new as
a science that its authorities can be counted on the fingers of one hand..."
Julius Fast was an American award winning writer of fiction and non-fiction work dealing especially with human
physiology and behaviour. His book Body Language was among the first to bring the subject to a mainstream
Significantly the references in Julius Fast's book (Birdwhistell, Goffman, Hall, Mehrabian, Scheflen, etc - body language
references and books below) indicate the freshness of the subject in 1971. All except one of Julius Fast's cited works
are from the 1950s and 1960s.
The exception among Fast's contemporary influences was Charles Darwin, and specifically his book The Expression
of the Emotions in Man and Animals, written in 1872, which is commonly regarded as the beginnings of the body
language science, albeit not recognized as such then.
Sigmund Freud and others in the field of psychoanalysis - in the late 1800s and early 1900s - would have had good
awareness of many aspects of body language, including personal space, but they did not focus on non-verbal
communications concepts or develop body language theories in their own right. Freud and similar psychoanalysts
and psychologists of that time were focused on behavior and therapeutic analysis rather than the study of non-verbal
A different view of human behavior related to and overlapping body language, surfaced strongly in Desmond Morris's
1967 book The Naked Ape, and in follow-up books such as Intimate Behavior, 1971. Morris, a British zoologist and
ethologist, linked human behavior - much of it concerned with communications - to human 'animalistic' evolution. His
work remains a popular and controversial perspective for understanding people's behaviors, and while his theories
did not focus strongly on body language, Morris's popularity in the late 1960s and 1970s contributed significantly to
the increasing interest among people beyond the scientific community - for a better understanding of how and why
we feel and act and communicate.
An important aspect of body language is facial expression, which is arguably one part of body language for which
quite early 'scientific' thinking can be traced:
Physiognomy is an obscure and related concept to body language. Physiognomy refers to facial features and
expressions which were/are said indicate the person's character or nature, or ethnic origin.
The word physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin, and earlier Greek (phusiognominia), which originally meant
(the art or capability of) judging a person's nature from his/her facial features and expressions. The ancient roots
of this concept demonstrate that while body language itself is a recently defined system of analysis, the notion of
inferring human nature or character from facial expression is extremely old.
Kinesics (pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee') is the modern scientific or technical word for body language.
The word kinesics was first used in English in this sense in the 1950s, deriving from the Greek word kinesis, meaning
motion, and seems to have first been used by Dr Ray Birdwhistell, an American 1950s researcher and writer on body
The introduction of a new technical word - (in this case, kinesics) - generally comes after the establishment of the
subject it describes, which supports the assertion that the modern concept of body language - encompassing facial
expressions and personal space - did not exist until the 1950s.
Proxemics is the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. The word was devised in the late
1950s or early 1960s by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist. The word is Hall's adaptation of the word
proximity, meaning closeness or nearness.
From the word kinesics, Ray Birdwhistell coined the term kine to refer to a single body language signal. This is not to
be confused with the ancient and same word kine, meaning a group of cows. Neither word seems to have caught on
in a big way, which in one way is a pity, but in another way probably makes matters simpler for anyone interested in
the body language of cows.
The Greek word kinesis is also a root word of kinaesthetics, which is the 'K' in the VAK ('hear feel') learning styles
Kinaesthetics (also known as kinesthetics) in the study of learning styles, is related to some of the principles of body
language, in terms of conveying meaning and information via physical movement and experience.
Body language is among many branches of science and education which seek to interpret and exploit messages and
meaning from the 'touchy-feely' side of life.
For example, the concepts of experiential learning, games and exercises, and love and spirituality at work - are
all different perspectives and attempts to unlock and develop people's potential using ideas centred around
kinaesthetics, as distinct from the more tangible and easily measurable areas of facts, figures words and logic.
These and similar methodologies do not necessarily reference body language directly, but there are very strong inter-
Bloom's Taxonomy, and Kolb's Learning Styles are also helpful perspectives in appreciating the significance of
kinaesthetics, and therefore body language, in life and work today.
The communications concepts of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and Transactional Analysis are closely
dependent on understanding body language, NLP especially.
Body language - nature or nurture?
Body language is part of human evolution, but as with many other aspects of human behavior, the precise mixture of
genetic (inherited) and environmental (learned or conditioned) influences is not known, and opinions vary.
Julius Fast noted this, especially regarding facial expressions. To emphasize the shifting debate he cited for example:
• Darwin's belief that human facial expressions were similar among humans of all cultures, due to
• Bruner and Taguiri's opposing views - in the early 1950s, after thirty years of research, they largely rejected
the notion that facial expressions were inborn.
• and Ekman, Friesan and Sorensen's findings) - in 1969, having discovered consistent emotional-facial
recognition across widely diverse cultural groups, which supported Darwin's evolutionary-centred ideas.
The discussion has continued in a similar vein to the modern day - studies 'proving' genetic or environmental cause -
'nature' or 'nurture' - for one aspect of body language or another.
The situation is made more complex when one considers the genetic (inherited) capability or inclination to learn body
language. Is this nature or nurture?
Body language is partly genetic (inborn - 'nature') - hugely so in certain aspects of body language - and partly
environmental (conditioned/learned - 'nurture').
Some body language is certainly genetically inherited and consistent among all humans. Other body language is
The use and recognition of certain fundamental facial expressions are now generally accepted to be consistent and
genetically determined among all humans regardless of culture.
However the use and recognition of less fundamental physical gestures (hand movements for example, or the winking
of an eye), and aspects of personal space distances, are now generally accepted to be environmentally determined
(learned, rather than inherited), which is significantly dependent on local society groups and cultures.
Certain vocal intonation speech variations (if body language is extended to cover everything but the spoken words)
also fall within this environmentally determined category.
In summary, we can be certain that body language (namely the conscious and unconscious sending and receiving of
non-verbal signals) is partly inborn, and partly learned or conditioned.
Body language is part 'nature' and part 'nurture'.
Body language and evolution
The evolutionary perspectives of body language are fascinating, in terms of its purpose and how it is exploited, which
in turn feeds back into the purpose of body language at conscious and unconscious levels.
Human beings tend to lie, deceive, manipulate, and pretend. It's in our nature to do this, if only to a small degree in
For various reasons people intentionally and frequently mask their true feelings. (Transactional Analysis theory is very
useful in understanding more about this.)
In expectation of these 'masking' tendencies in others, humans try to imagine what another person has in their
mind. The need to understand what lies behind the mask obviously increases according to the importance of the
Body language helps us to manage and guard against these tendencies, and also - significantly especially in flirting/
dating/mating rituals - body language often helps people to communicate and resolve relationship issues when
conscious behaviour and speech fails to do so.
Body language has evolved in spite of human awareness and conscious intelligence: rather like a guardian angel, body
language can help take care of us, connecting us to kindred souls, and protecting us from threats.
While the importance of body language in communications and management, etc., has become a popular interest
and science in the last few decades, human beings have relied on body language instinctively in many ways for many
Early natural exponents of interpreting body language were for example the poker players of the American Wild
West. The winners had not only to be handy with a six-shooter, but also skilled in reading other people's non-verbal
signals, and controlling their own signals.
Before these times, explorers and tribal leaders had to be able to read the body language of potential foes - to know
whether to trust or defend or attack.
Earlier than this, our cavemen ancestors certainly needed to read body language, if only because no other language
Humans have also learned to read the body language of animals (and vice-versa), although humans almost certainly
had greater skills in this area a long time ago. Shepherds, horse-riders and animal trainers throughout time and still
today have good capabilities in reading animal body language, which for many extends to the human variety. Monty
Roberts, the real life 'Horse Whisperer' is a good example.
Body language, and the reading of non-verbal communications and feelings, are in our genes. Were these factors not
in our genes, we would not be here today.
Women tend to have better perception and interpretation of body language than men. This is perhaps a feature of
evolutionary survival, since females needed good body language skills to reduce their physical vulnerability to males
and the consequential threat to life, limb and offspring. Females might not be so physically vulnerable in modern
times, but their body language capabilities generally continue typically to be stronger than the male of the species.
Thus, women tend to be able to employ body language (for sending and interpreting signals) more effectively than
Katherine Benziger's theories of brain types and thinking styles provides useful additional perspective. Women tend
to have more empathic sensitivity than men, which naturally aids body language awareness and capabilities. Aside
from gender differences, men and women with strong empathic sensitivity (typically right-basal or rear brain bias)
tend to be better at picking up body language signals.
The six universal facial expressions - recognized around the world
It is now generally accepted that certain basic facial expressions of human emotion are recognized around the world
- and that the use and recognition of these expressions is genetically inherited rather than socially conditioned or
While there have been found to be minor variations and differences among obscurely isolated tribes-people, the
following basic human emotions are generally used, recognized, and part of humankind's genetic character:
These emotional face expressions are:
Charles Darwin was first to make these claims in his book The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals,
published in 1872. This book incidentally initially far outsold The Origin of Species, such was its wide (and
controversial) appeal at the time.
Darwin's assertions about genetically inherited facial expressions remained the subject of much debate for many
In the 1960s a Californian psychiatrist and expert in facial expressions, Paul Ekman, (with Sorenson and Friesen -
conducted and published extensive studies with people of various cultures to explore the validity of Darwin's theory
- that certain facial expressions and man's ability to recognize them are inborn and universal among people. Ekman's
work notably included isolated tribes-people who could not have been influenced by Western media and images, and
essentially proved that Darwin was right - i.e., that the use and recognition of facial expressions to convey certain
basic human emotions is part of human evolved nature, genetically inherited, and not dependent on social learning or
Body language is instinctively interpreted by us all to a limited degree, but the subject is potentially immensely
complex. Perhaps infinitely so, given that the human body is said to be capable of producing 700,000 different
movements (Hartland and Tosh, 2001
As with other behavioral sciences, the study of body language benefited from the development of brain-imaging
technology in the last part of the 20th century. This dramatically accelerated the research and understanding into
connections between the brain, feelings and thoughts, and body movement. We should expect to see this effect
continuing and providing more solid science for body language theory, much of which remains empirical, i.e., based
on experience and observation, rather than scientific test.
Given the potential for confusion, here are some considerations when analysing body language:
Body language also depends on context: body language in a certain situation might not mean the same in another.
Some 'body language' isn't what it seems at all, for example:
• Someone rubbing their eye might have an irritation, rather than being tired - or disbelieving, or upset.
• Someone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather than being defensive.
• Someone scratching their nose might actually have an itch, rather than concealing a lie.
Sufficient samples/evidence
A single body language signal isn't as reliable as several signals:
As with any system of evidence, 'clusters' of body language signals provide much more reliable indication of meaning
than one or two signals in isolation.
Avoid interpreting only single signals. Look for combinations of signals which support an overall conclusion, especially
for signals which can mean two or more quite different things.
Certain body language is the same in all people, for example smiling and frowning (and see the six universally
recognizable facial expressions above), but some body language is specific to a culture or ethnic group.
Awareness of possible cultural body language differences is especially important in today's increasingly mixed
Management and customer service staff are particularly prone to misreading or reacting inappropriately to
body language signals from people of different ethnic backgrounds, a situation made worse because this sort of
misunderstanding tends to peak when emotions are high.
Personal space preferences (distances inside which a person is uncomfortable when someone encroaches) can vary
between people of different ethnicity.
In general this article offers interpretations applicable for Western culture.
If you can suggest any different ethnic interpretations of body language and I'll broaden the guide accordingly.
Body language is relative to age and gender
Many body language signals are relative.
A gesture by one person in a certain situation can carry far more, or very little meaning, compared to the same
gesture used by a different person in a different situation.
Young men for example often display a lot of pronounced gestures because they are naturally energetic, uninhibited
and supple. Older women, relatively, are less energetic, adopt more modest postures, and are prevented by clothing
and upbringing from exhibiting very pronounced gestures.
So when assessing body language - especially the strength of signals and meanings - it's important to do so in relative
terms, considering the type of person and situation involved.
Some people artificially control their outward body language to give the impression they seek to create at the time.
A confident firm handshake, or direct eye contact, are examples of signals which can be quite easily be 'faked' -
usually temporarily, but sometimes more consistently.
However while a degree of faking is possible, it is not possible for someone to control or suppress all outgoing signals.
This is an additional reason to avoid superficial analysis based on isolated signals, and to seek as many indicators as
possible, especially subtle clues when suspecting things might not be what they seem. Politicians and manipulative
salespeople come to mind for some reason.
Looking for 'micro gestures' (pupils contract, an eyebrow lifts, corner of the mouth twitch) can help identify the true
meaning and motive behind one or two strong and potentially false signals.
These micro gestures are very small, difficult to spot and are subconscious, but we cannot control them, hence their
Boredom, nervousness and insecurity signals
Many body language signals indicate negative feelings such as boredom, disinterest, anxiousness, insecurity, etc.
The temptation on seeing such signals is to imagine a weakness on the part of the person exhibiting them.
This can be so, however proper interpretation of body language should look beyond the person and the signal - and
consider the situation, especially if you are using body language within personal development or management. Ask
What is causing the negative feelings giving rise to the negative signals?
It is often the situation, not the person - for example, here are examples of circumstances which can produce
negative feelings and signals in people, often even if they are strong and confident:
• dominance of a boss or a teacher or other person perceived to be in authority
• overloading a person with new knowledge or learning
• stress caused by anything
• cold weather or cold conditions
• lack of food and drink
• illness or disability
• alcohol or drugs
• being in a minority or feeling excluded
• unfamiliarity - newness - change
Ask yourself, when analysing body language:
Are there external factors affecting the mood and condition of the individual concerned?
Do not jump to conclusions - especially negative ones - using body language analysis alone.
Body language - translation of gestures, signs and other factors - quick reference guide
When translating body language signals into feelings and meanings remember that one signal does not reliably
Clusters of signals more reliably indicate meaning.
This is a general guide. Body language should not be used alone for making serious decisions about people.
Body language is one of several indicators of mood, meaning and motive.
This is a guide, not an absolutely reliable indicator, and this applies especially until you've developed good capabilities
of reading body language signs.
Some of these signs have obvious meanings; others not so.
Even 'obvious' signs can be missed - especially if displayed as subtle movements in a group of people and if your
mind is on other things - so I make no apology for including 'obvious' body language in this guide.
Also remember that cultural differences influence body language signals and their interpretation. This guide is based
on 'Western World' and North European behaviors. What may be 'obvious' in one culture can mean something
different in another culture.
Body language signs translation
The body language signals below are grouped together according to parts of the body.
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements.
This is a summary of the main body language signals. More signals and meanings will be added.
Suggest any other signals that you wish to know, and I'll add them.
Body language is not an exact science.
No single body language sign is a reliable indicator.
Understanding body language involves the interpretation of several consistent signals to support or indicate a
Our eyes are a very significant aspect of the non-verbal signals we send to others.
To a lesser or greater extent we all 'read' people's eyes without knowing how or why, and this ability seems to be
Eyes - and especially our highly developed awareness of what we see in other people's eyes - are incredible.
For example we know if we have eye contact with someone at an almost unbelievable distance. Far too far away to
be able to see the detail of a person's eyes - 30-40 meters away or more sometimes - we know when there is eye
contact. This is an absolutely awesome capability when you think about it.
Incredibly also, we can see whether another person's eyes are focused on us or not, and we can detect easily the
differences between a 'glazed over' blank stare, a piercing look, a moistening eye long before tears come, and an
awkward or secret glance.
We probably cannot describe these and many other eye signals, but we recognize them when we see them and we
When we additionally consider the eyelids, and the flexibility of the eyes to widen and close, and for the pupils
to enlarge or contract, it becomes easier to understand how the eyes have developed such potency in human
A note about eyes looking right and left
(Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements)
Eyes tend to look right when the brain is imagining or creating, and left when the brain is recalling or remembering.
This relates to right and left sides of the brain - in this context broadly the parts of the brain handling creativity/
feelings (right) and facts/memory (left). This is analysed in greater detail below, chiefly based on NLP theory
developed in the 1960s. Under certain circumstances 'creating' can mean fabrication or lying, especially (but
not always - beware), when the person is supposed to be recalling facts. Looking right when stating facts does
not necessarily mean lying - it could for example mean that the person does not know the answer, and is talking
hypothetically or speculating or guessing.
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements.
eyes creating,
fabricating,
guessing, lying,
storytelling
eyes recalling,
remembering,
retrieving 'facts'
eyes visual imagining,
fabrication, lying
Creating here is basically making things up and saying them.
Depending on context this can indicate lying, but in other
circumstances, for example, storytelling to a child, this would be
perfectly normal. Looking right and down indicates accessing feelings,
which again can be a perfectly genuine response or not, depending
on the context, and to an extent the person.
Recalling and and then stating 'facts' from memory in appropriate
context often equates to telling the truth. Whether the 'facts'
(memories) are correct is another matter. Left downward looking
indicates silent self-conversation or self-talk, typically in trying to
arrive at a view or decision.
Related to imagination and creative (right-side) parts of the
brain, this upwards right eye-movement can be a warning sign of
fabrication if a person is supposed to be recalling and stating facts.
eyes imagining sounds Sideways eye movements are believed to indicate imagining (right)
eyes accessing feelings This is a creative signal but not a fabrication - it can signal that the
eyes recalling images
truthfulness
eyes recalling or
remembering
sounds
eyes self-talking,
rationalizing
eyes honesty - or faked
honesty
or recalling (left) sounds, which can include for example a person
imagining or fabricating what another person has said or could say.
person is self-questioning their feelings about something. Context
particularly- and other signals - are important for interpreting more
specific meaning about this signal.
Related to accessing memory in the brain, rather than creating or
imagining. A reassuring sign if signalled when the person is recalling
and stating facts.
Looking sideways suggests sounds; looking left suggests recalling
or remembering - not fabricating or imagining. This therefore could
indicate recalling what has been said by another person.
Thinking things through by self-talk - concerning an outward view,
rather than the inward feelings view indicated by downward right
looking.
Direct eye contact is generally regarded as a sign of truthfulness,
however practised liars know this and will fake the signal.
eyes attentiveness,
interest, attraction
eyes interest, appeal,
invitation
eyes disbelief, upset, or
tiredness
eye shrug eyes frustration An upward roll of the eyes signals frustration or exasperation, as if
eyes attraction, desire The pupil is the black centre of the eye which opens or closes to
Eyes which stay focused on the speakers eyes, tend to indicate
focused interested attention too, which is normally a sign of
attraction to the person and/or the subject.
Widening the eyes generally signals interest in something or
someone, and often invites positive response. Widened eyes with
raised eyebrows can otherwise be due to shock, but aside from this,
widening eyes represents an opening and welcoming expression.
In women especially widened eyes tend to increase attractiveness,
which is believed by some body language experts to relate to
the eye/face proportions of babies, and the associated signals of
attraction and prompting urges to protect and offer love and care,
etc.
Rubbing eyes or one eye can indicate disbelief, as if checking the
vision, or upset, in which the action relates to crying, or tiredness,
which can be due boredom, not necessarily a need for sleep. If the
signal is accompanied by a long pronounced blink, this tends to
support the tiredness interpretation.
looking to the heavens for help.
let in more or less light. Darkness causes pupils to dilate. So too,
for some reason does seeing something appealing or attractive.
The cause of the attraction depends on the situation. In the case of
sexual attraction the effect can be mutual - dilated pupils tend to
be more appealing sexually that contracted ones, perhaps because
of an instinctive association with darkness, night-time, bedtime,
etc., although the origins of this effect are unproven. Resist the
temptation to imagine that everyone you see with dilated pupils is
sexually attracted to you.
eyes excitement,
pressure
eyes various Infrequent blink rate can mean different things and so offers no
eyes greeting,
recognition,
acknowledgement
winking eyes friendly
acknowledgement,
complicity (e.g.,
sharing a secret or
joke)
Normal human blink rate is considered to be between six and twenty
times a minute, depending on the expert. Significantly more than this
is a sign of excitement or pressure. Blink rate can increase to up to a
hundred times a minute. Blink rate is not a reliable sign of lying.
single clue unless combined with other signals. An infrequent blink
rate is probably due to boredom if the eyes are not focused, or can
be the opposite - concentration - if accompanied with a strongly
focused gaze. Infrequent blink rate can also be accompanied by
signals of hostility or negativity, and is therefore not the most
revealing of body language signals.
Quickly raising and lowering the eyebrows is called an 'eyebrow
flash'. It is a common signal of greeting and acknowledgement, and is
perhaps genetically influenced since it is prevalent in monkeys (body
language study does not sit entirely happily alongside creationism).
Fear and surprise are also signalled by the eyebrow flash, in which
case the eyebrows normally remain raised for longer, until the initial
shock subsides.
Much fuss was made in May 2007 when George W Bush winked at
the Queen. The fuss was made because a wink is quite an intimate
signal, directed exclusively from one person to another, and is
associated with male flirting. It is strange that a non-contact wink
can carry more personal implications than a physical handshake, and
in many situations more than a kiss on the cheek. A wink is given
additional spice if accompanied by a click of the tongue. Not many
people can carry it off. Additionally - and this was partly the sense in
which Bush used it - a wink can signal a shared joke or secret.
The mouth is associated with very many body language signals, which is not surprising given its functions - obviously
speech, but also those connected with infant feeding, which connects psychologically through later life with feelings
of security, love and sex.
The mouth can be touched or obscured by a person's own hands or fingers, and is a tremendously flexible and
expressive part of the body too, performing a central role in facial expressions.
The mouth also has more visible moving parts than other sensory organs, so there's a lot more potential for variety of
Unlike the nose and ears, which are generally only brought into body language action by the hands or fingers, the
mouth acts quite independently, another reason for it deserving separate detailed consideration.
Smiling is a big part of facial body language. As a general rule real smiles are symmetrical and produce creases around
the eyes and mouth, whereas fake smiles, for whatever reason, tend to be mouth-only gestures.
signal part of
pasted smile mouth faked smile A pasted smile is one which appears quickly, is fixed for longer than
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
a natural smile, and seems not to extend to the eyes. This typically
indicates suppressed displeasure or forced agreement of some sort.
tight-lipped mouth secrecy or Stretched across face in a straight line, teeth concealed. The smiler has
smile withheld
twisted smile mouth mixed feelings
feelings
or sarcasm
mouth faked smile More of a practised fake smile than an instinctive one. The jaw is
a secret they are not going to share, possibly due to dislike or distrust.
Can also be a rejection signal.
Shows opposite emotions on each side of the face.
dropped lower than in a natural smile, the act of which creates a
smile.
Head tilted sideways and downwards so as to part hide the face, from
which the smile is directed via the eyes at the intended target.
mouth playfulness,
teasing, coy
mouth upset Like rubbing eyes can be an adult version of crying, so jutting or
laughter mouth relaxation Laughter deserves a section in its own right because its such an
mouth nervousness,
cooperation
biting lip mouth tension One of many signals suggesting tension or stress, which can be due to
teeth grinding mouth tension,
suppression
chewing gum mouth tension,
suppression
smoking mouth self-comforting Smoking obviously becomes habitual and addictive, but aside from
pushing the bottom lip forward is a part of the crying face and
impulse. Bear in mind that people cry for reasons of genuine upset, or
to avert attack and seek sympathy or kind treatment.
interesting area. In terms of body language genuine laughter is a sign
of relaxation and feeling at ease. Natural laughter can extend to all the
upper body or whole body. The physiology of laughter is significant.
Endorphins are released. Pain and stress reduces. Also vulnerabilities
show and can become more visible because people's guard drops
when laughing.
Unnatural laughter is often a signal of nervousness or stress, as an
effort to dispel tension or change the atmosphere. Artificial laughter is
a signal of cooperation and a wish to maintain empathy.
high concentration, but more likely to be anxiousness.
Inwardly-directed 'displacement' (see body language glossary)
sign, due to suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other
suppressant.
As above - an inwardly-directed 'displacement' sign, due to
suppression of natural reaction. Otherwise however can simply be to
freshen breath, or as a smoking replacement.
this people put things into their mouths because it's comforting like
thumb-sucking is to a child, in turn rooted in baby experiences of
feeding and especially breastfeeding.
mouth self-comforting A self-comforting impulse in babies and children, substituting breast-
feeding, which can persist as a habit into adulthood.
mouth self-comforting Like smoking and infant thumbsucking. The pen is the teat. Remember
pursing lips mouth thoughtfulness,
or upset
tongue poke mouth /
disapproval,
tongue
rejection
that next time you chew the end of your pen...
As if holding the words in the mouth until they are ready to be
released. Can also indicate anxiousness or impatience at not being
able to speak. Or quite differently can indicate upset, as if suppressing
crying.
The tongue extends briefly and slightly at the centre of the mouth as
if tasting something nasty. The gesture may be extremely subtle. An
extreme version may be accompanied by a wrinkling of the nose, and
a squint of the eyes.
mouth /
suppression,
hands
holding back,
shock
nail biting mouth /
frustration,
hands
suppression
Often an unconscious gesture of self-regulation - stopping speech for
reasons of shock, embarrassment, or for more tactical reasons. The
gesture is reminiscent of the 'speak no evil' wise monkey. The action
can be observed very clearly in young children when they witness
something 'unspeakably' naughty or shocking. Extreme versions of the
same effect would involve both hands.
Nail-biting is an inwardly-redirected aggression borne of fear, or some
other suppression of behaviour. Later nail-biting becomes reinforced
as a comforting habit, again typically prompted by frustration or fear.
Stress in this context is an outcome. Stress doesn't cause nail-biting;
nail-biting is the outward demonstration of stress. The cause of the
stress can be various things (stressors). See the stress article for more
detail about stress.
The head is very significant in body language.
The head tends to lead and determine general body direction, but it is also vital and vulnerable being where our brain
is, so the head is used a lot in directional (likes and dislikes) body language, and in defensive (self-protection) body
A person's head, due to a very flexible neck structure, can turn, jut forward, withdraw, tilt sideways, forwards,
backwards. All of these movements have meanings, which given some thought about other signals can be
The head usually has hair, ears, eyes, nose, and a face, which has more complex and visible muscular effects than any
The face, our eyes and our hands, are the most powerful parts of our body in sending body language signals.
The head - when our hands interact with it - is therefore dynamic and busy in communicating all sorts of messages -
consciously and unconsciously.
signal part of
head nodding head agreement Head nodding can occur when invited for a response, or voluntarily
possible
meaning(s)
detailed explanation
head attentive
listening
head hurry up,
impatience
head held up head neutrality,
head held head superiority, Especially if exhibited with jutting chin.
alertness
while listening. Nodding is confusingly and rather daftly also referred
to as 'head shaking up and down'. Head nodding when talking face-
to-face one-to-one is easy to see, but do you always detect tiny head
nods when addressing or observing a group?
This can be a faked signal. As with all body language signals you must
look for clusters of signals rather than relying on one alone. Look at
the focus of eyes to check the validity of slow head nodding.
Vigorous head nodding signifies that the listener feels the speaker has
made their point or taken sufficient time. Fast head nodding is rather
like the 'wind-up' hand gesture given off-camera or off-stage by a
producer to a performer, indicating 'time's up - get off'.
High head position signifies attentive listening, usually with an open or
undecided mind, or lack of bias.
high fearlessness,
arrogance
head non-
threatening,
submissive,
thoughtfulness
head /
interest,
positive
reaction
head criticism,
admonishment
head shaking head disagreement Sideways shaking of the head generally indicates disagreement,
head strong
disagreement
head negative,
disinterested
head defeat,
tiredness
chin up head pride, defiance,
confidence
head /
attention,
interest,
attraction
A signal of interest, and/or vulnerability, which in turn suggests a
level of trust. Head tilting is thought by some to relate to 'sizing up'
something, since tilting the head changes the perspective offered by
the eyes, and a different view is seen of the other person or subject.
Exposing the neck is also a sign of trust.
Head forward in the direction of a person or other subject indicates
interest. The rule also applies to a forward leaning upper body,
commonly sitting, but also standing, where the movement can be a
distinct and significant advancement into a closer personal space zone
of the other person. Head forward and upright is different to head
tilted downward.
Head tilted downwards towards a person is commonly a signal of
criticism or reprimand or disapproval, usually from a position of
authority.
but can also signal feelings of disbelief, frustration or exasperation.
Obvious of course, but often ignored or missed where the movement
is small, especially in groups seemingly reacting in silent acceptance.
The strength of movement of the head usually relates to strength of
feeling, and often to the force by which the head-shaker seeks to send
this message to the receiver. This is an immensely powerful signal and
is used intentionally by some people to dominate others.
Head down is generally a signal of rejection (of someone's ideas etc),
unless the head is down for a purpose like reading supporting notes,
etc. Head down when responding to criticism is a signal of failure,
vulnerability (hence seeking protection), or feeling ashamed.
Lowering the head is a sign of loss, defeat, shame, etc. Hence the
expressions such as 'don't let your head drop', and 'don't let your head
go down', especially in sports and competitive activities. Head down
also tends to cause shoulders and upper back to to slump, increasing
the signs of weakness at that moment.
Very similar to the 'head held high' signal. Holding the chin up
naturally alters the angle of the head backwards, exposing the neck,
which is a signal of strength, resilience, pride, resistance, etc. A
pronounced raised chin does other interesting things to the body
too - it tends to lift the sternum (breast-bone), which draws in air,
puffing out the chest, and it widens the shoulders. These combined
effects make the person stand bigger. An exposed neck is also a sign of
confidence. 'Chin up' is for these reasons a long-standing expression
used to encourage someone to be brave.
When people are listening actively and responsively this shows in their
facial expression and their head movements. The head and face are
seen to respond fittingly and appropriately to what is being said by the
speaker. Nodding is relevant to what is being said. Smiles and other
expressions are relevant too. The head may tilt sideways. Mirroring
of expressions may occur. Silences are used to absorb meaning. The
eyes remain sharply focused on the eyes of the speaker, although at
times might lower to look at the mouth, especially in male-female
engagements.
Arms act as defensive barriers when across the body, and conversely indicate feelings of openness and security when
in open positions, especially combined with open palms.
Arms are quite reliable indicators of mood and feeling, especially when interpreted with other body language.
This provides a good opportunity to illustrate how signals combine to enable safer analysis.
• crossed arms = possibly defensive
• crossed arms + crossed legs = probably defensive
• crossed arms + crossed legs + frowning + clenched fists = definitely defensive, and probably hostile too.
While this might seem obvious written in simple language, it's not always so clear if your attention is on other
Body language is more than just knowing the theory - it's being aware constantly of the signals people are giving.
signal part of
possible
meaning(s)
arms defensiveness,
reluctance
detailed explanation
Crossed arms represent a protective or separating barrier. This can
be due to various causes, ranging from severe animosity or concern
to mild boredom or being too tired to be interested and attentive.
Crossed arms is a commonly exhibited signal by subordinates feeling
threatened by bosses and figures of authority. N.B. People also cross
arms when they are feeling cold, so be careful not to misread this
signal.
Clenched fists reinforce stubbornness, aggression or the lack of
empathy indicated by crossed arms.
arms hostile
defensiveness
arms insecurity Gripping upper arms while folded is effectively self-hugging. Self-
hugging is an attempt to reassure unhappy or unsafe feelings.
arms nervousness Women use this gesture. Men tend not to. It's a 'barrier' protective
signal, and also self-hugging.
arms confidence,
authority
As demonstrated by members of the royal family, armed forces
officers, teachers, policemen, etc.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal, especially when arm is across chest.
arms nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
hands
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
hands
arms /
nervousness One arm rests on the table across the body, holding a drink (or pen,
hands
etc). Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms /
nervousness Another 'barrier' protective signal.
shoulder
Body language involving hands is extensive.
This is because hands are such expressive parts of the body, and because hands interact with other parts of the body.
Hands contain many more nerve connections (to the brain) than most if not all other body parts. They are extremely
expressive and flexible tools, so it is natural for hands to be used a lot in signalling consciously - as with emphasizing
gestures - or unconsciously - as in a wide range of unintentional movements which indicate otherwise hidden feelings
A nose or an ear by itself can do little to signal a feeling, but when a hand or finger is also involved then there is
probably a signal of some sort.
Hands body language is used for various purposes, notably:
• emphasis, (pointing, jabbing, and chopping actions, etc)
• illustration (drawing, shaping, mimicking actions or sizing things in the air - this big/long/wide/etc., phoning
• specific conscious signals like the American OK, the thumbs-up, the Victory-sign, and for rude gestures, etc.
• greeting people and waving goodbye (which might be included in the above category)
• and more interestingly in unconscious 'leakage' signals including interaction with items like pens and
cigarettes and other parts of the body, indicating feelings such as doubt, deceit, pressure, openness, expectation,
Body language experts generally agree that hands send more signals than any part of the body except for the face.
Studying hand body language therefore yields a lot of information; hence the hands section below is large.
There are many cultural body language differences in hand signals. The section below focuses on Western behaviour.
Much applies elsewhere, but avoid assuming that it all does.
possible
meaning(s)
hands submissive,
truthful, honesty,
appealing
hands defensive,
instruction to stop
hands authority,
strength,
dominance
hands striving for or
seeking an answer
detailed explanation
Said to evolve from when open upward palms showed no weapon
was held. A common gesture with various meanings around a main
theme of openness. Can also mean "I don't have the answer," or an
appeal. In some situations this can indicate confidence (such as to
enable openness), or trust/trustworthiness. An easily faked gesture
to convey innocence. Outward open forearms or whole arms are
more extreme versions of the signal.
Relaxed hands are more likely to be defensive as if offered up in
protection; rigid fingers indicates a more authoritative instruction or
request to stop whatever behaviour is promoting the reaction.
Where the lower arm moves across the body with palm down this is
generally defiance or firm disagreement.
The hand is empty, but figuratively holds a problem or idea as if
weighing it. The signal is one of 'weighing' possibilities.
hands seeking to be
believed
hands aggression, threat,
emphasis
acknowledgement
or confirmation
hands emphasis Pointing in the air is generally used to add emphasis, by a person
Although easy to fake, the underlying meaning is one of wanting to
be believed, whether being truthful or not. Hand on heart can be
proactive, as when a salesman tries to convince a buyer, or reactive,
as when claiming innocence or shock. Whatever, the sender of
this signal typically feels the need to emphasise their position as if
mortally threatened, which is rarely the case.
Pointing at a person is very confrontational and dictatorial.
Commonly adults do this to young people. Adult to adult it is
generally unacceptable and tends to indicate a lack of social
awareness or self-control aside from arrogance on the part of the
finger pointer. The finger is thought to represent a gun, or pointed
weapon. Strongly associated with anger, directed at another person.
An exception to the generally aggressive meaning of finger pointing
is the finger point and wink, below.
The subtle use of a winked eye with a pointed finger changes the
finger point into a different signal, that of acknowledging something,
often a contribution or remark made by someone, in which case the
finger and wink are directed at the person concerned, and can be
a signal of positive appreciation, as if to say, "You got it," or "You
understand it, well done".
feeling in authority or power.
hands warning, refusal Rather like the waving of a pistol as a threat. Stop it/do as you are
told, or else..
hands admonishment,
emphasis
hand chop hands emphasis -
The action is like pressing a button on a keypad several times. Like
when a computer or elevator won't work, as if pressing the button
lots of times will make any difference..
The hand is used like a guillotine, as if to kill the discussion.
especially the last
word on a matter
hands resistance,
aggression,
determination
hands thoughtfulness,
looking for
or explaining
connections or
engagement
hands thoughtfulness
and barrier
hands seeking or asking
for calm, loss of
control of a group
or situation
hands comforting habit,
attention-seeking
One or two clenched fists can indicate different feelings - defensive,
offensive, positive or negative, depending on context and other
signals. Logically a clenched fist prepares the hand (and mind and
body) for battle of one sort or another, but in isolation the signal is
impossible to interpret more precisely than a basic feeling of resolve.
Very brainy folk use this gesture since it reflects complex and/or
elevated thinking. In this gesture only the fingertips touch - each
finger with the corresponding digit of the other hand, pointing
upwards like the rafters of a tall church roof. Fingers are spread
and may be rigidly straight or relaxed and curved. Alternating the
positions (pushing fingers together then relaxing again - like a spider
doing press-ups on a mirror) enables the fascinating effect (nothing
to do with body language), which after enough repetition can
produce a sensation of having a greased sheet of glass between the
fingers. Try it - it's very strange. Very brainy people probably don't
do this because they have more important things to think about. It's
their loss.
The upwards-pointing version tends to indicate high-minded or
connective/complex thinking, however when this hand shape is
directed forward it also acts as a defensive or distancing barrier
between the thinker and other(s) present.
Seen often in rowdy meetings the gesture is typically a few inches
above the table top, but is also seen standing up. The action is one
of suppressing or holding down a rising pressure. Teachers use this
gesture when trying to quieten a class.
Usually male. Machismo or habit. Meaning depends on context.
No-one knows still exactly how the noise is made, but the notion
that the practice leads to arthritis is now generally thought to be
nonsense.
Usually hands would be on a table or held across stomach or on lap.
hands frustration,
negativity,
anxiousness
hands satisfaction, 'OK' This is generally seen to be the 'OK' signal, similar to the 'thumbs up'.
thumb(s) up hands positive approval,
agreement, all
well
The signal may be to oneself quietly, or more pronounced directed
to others. There is also the sense of this suggesting something
being 'just right' as if the finger and thumb are making a fine
adjustment with a pinch of spice or a tiny turn of a control knob. The
circle formed by the joined finger and thumb resembles the O from
OK. The remaining three fingers are spread.
In the Western world this signal is so commonly used and recognized
it has become a language term in its own right: 'thumbs up' means
approved. It's a very positive signal. Two hands is a bigger statement
of the same meaning.
hands disapproval,
failure
hands self-comforting,
frustration,
insecurity
hands undecided, in the
balance
Logically the opposite of thumbs up. Rightly or wrongly the thumbs
up and down signals are associated with the gladiatorial contests of
the ancient Roman arenas in which the presiding dignitary would
signal the fate of the losing contestants.
As with other signals involving holding or stroking a part of one's own
body this tends to indicate self-comforting. Also thumbs are potent
and flexible tools, so disabling them logically reduces a person's
readiness for action.
Signalling that a decision or outcome, normally finely balanced and
difficult to predict or control, could go one way or another.
hands anticipation, relish A signal - often a conscious gesture - of positive expectation, and
hands /
suppression,
shock
hands /
lying or
exaggeration
hands /
lying or
exaggeration
hands /
thoughtfulness,
suppressing
comment
picking nose hands /
day-dreaming,
inattentive,
socially
disconnected,
stress
hands /
negative
evaluation
hands /
rejection of or
resistance to
something
often related to material or financial reward, or an enjoyable activity
and outcome.
See mouth/hand clamp entry in mouth section, which is a subject in
its own right.
This is said to hide the reddening of the nose caused by increased
blood flow. Can also indicate mild embellishment or fabrication. The
children's story about Pinocchio (the wooden puppet boy whose
nose grew when he told lies) reflects long-standing associations
between the nose and telling lies.
Nose-scratching while speaking is a warning sign, unless the person
genuinely has an itchy nose. Often exhibited when recounting an
event or incident.
In many cases this is an unconscious signalling of holding back
or delaying a response or opinion. Pinching the nose physically
obstructs breathing and speech, especially if the mouth is covered
at the same time. Rather like the more obvious hand-clamp over the
mouth, people displaying this gesture probably have something to
say but are choosing not to say it yet.
Nose picking is actually extremely common among adults but does
not aid career development or social acceptance and is therefore
normally a private affair. When observed, nose-picking can signify
various states of mind, none particularly positive.
Usually accompanied with a long single blink.
ear tugging hands /
indecision, self-
comforting
Not surprisingly gestures involving hands covering the ears signify a
reluctance to listen and/or to agree with what is being said or to the
situation as a whole. The gesture is occasionally seen by a person
doing the talking, in which case it tends to indicate that other views
and opinions are not wanted or will be ignored.
People fiddle with their own bodies in various ways when seeking
comfort, but ear-pulling or tugging given suitable supporting signs
can instead indicate indecision and related pondering.
hands /
calamity Hands clasping head is like a protective helmet against some disaster
or problem.
hands /
thoughtfulness The stroking of a beard is a similar signal, although rare among
hands /
evaluation,
chin, face
tiredness or
boredom
hands /
evaluation This is a more reliable signal of evaluation than the above full-hand
women.
Usually the forearm is vertical from the supporting elbow on a table.
People who display this signal are commonly assessing or evaluating
next actions, options, or reactions to something or someone. If the
resting is heavier and more prolonged, and the gaze is unfocused or
averted, then tiredness or boredom is a more likely cause. A lighter
resting contact is more likely to be evaluation, as is lightly resting the
chin on the knuckles.
support. Normally the supporting elbow will be on a table or surface.
The middle finger commonly rests horizontally between chin and
lower lip.
hands /
doubt, disbelief Perhaps evolved from a feeling of distrust and instinct to protect the
hands /
frustration Clasping a wrist, which may be behind the back or in open view, can
hair / hair flirting, or
vexation,
exasperation
hands /
confidence,
readiness,
availability
hands /
disinterest,
boredom
hands /
alerting wish to
spectacles
speak
hands /
mock sympathy or
sadness
hands offensive -
mockery,
dissatisfaction,
expression of
vulnerable neck area. Who knows - whatever, the signal is generally
due to doubting or distrusting what is being said.
be a signal of frustration, as if holding oneself back.
Take your pick - running hands through the hair is commonly
associated with flirting, and sometimes it is, although given different
supporting signals, running hands through the hair can indicate
exasperation or upset.
The person is emphasizing their presence and readiness for action.
Observable in various situations, notably sport, and less pronounced
poses in social and work situations. In social and flirting context it is
said that the hands are drawing attention to the genital area.
The obvious signal is one of inaction, and not being ready for action.
Those who stand with hands in pockets - in situations where there
is an expectation for people to be enthusiastic and ready for action -
demonstrate apathy and lack of interest for the situation.
For people who wear reading-only spectacles, this is an example
of an announcement or alerting gesture, where a person readies
themselves to speak and attracts attention to the fact. Other alerting
signals include raising the hand, taking a breath, moving upwards
and forwards in their seat, etc.
The 'air violin' has been around a lot longer than the 'air guitar',
and is based on the traditional use of violin music as a theme or
background for sad scenes in movies and in music generally. The 'air
violin' is not typically included in body language guides; it's here as
an amusing gesture which demonstrates our conscious practice and
recognition of certain signals.
A conscious signal, usually one-handed. Insulting gesture if directed
at a person, typically male to male, since it mimics masturbation,
like calling a person a 'tosser' or a 'wanker' (UK) or a jerk-off (US).
This is obviously rude and not used in respectable company such
inferior quality as the queen or a group of clergymen. The gesture is also used as a
hands /
offensive
- derision,
contempt
victory, peace British 2nd World War leader Winston Churchill popularised the
response to something regarded as poor quality, which might be a
performance or piece of work or a comment on a product of some
sort. The allusion is to masturbation being a poor substitute for sex
with a woman, and that those who masturbate are not 'real men'.
Unsurprisingly the gesture is mainly male, directed at other males,
especially in tribal-like gatherings. Rare female use of this gesture
directed at males can be very effective due to its humiliating value.
For obvious reasons the gesture is unlikely to be used by females or
males directed at females.
A consciously offensive and aggressive gesture, also called 'flicking
the Vs', widely but probably incorrectly thought to derive from
the 1415 Battle of Agincourt in the Hundred Years War when the
tactically pivotal Welsh longbowmen supposedly derided the beaten
French soldiers' and their threats to cut off the bowmen's fingers.
victory usage, although apparently, significantly if so, first used the
palm inwards version until he was told what it meant to the working
classes.
Handshakes - body language
Firmness of handshake is not the reliable indicator of firmness of character that many believe it to be. Firm
handshakes tend to be those of confident people, especially those who have spent some time in business, and
who realise that most people in business consider a firm handshake to be a good thing. Handshakes that are
uncomfortably firm show a lack of respect or awareness, especially if used in cultures (Eastern especially) where firm
handshaking is not normal.
Handshaking evolved from ancient times as an initial gesture of trust, to show that no weapon was being held.
Naturally also the handshake offers the most obvious way to connect physically as a way to signal trust or friendship.
In more recent times, especially from the 1800s onwards, a handshake became the way to confirm a commercial
transaction. Handshaking by women became common practice much later, reflecting the change of social attitudes
and the increasing equality of women, for whom a hundred years back such physical contact was considered
improper. Women have throughout time generally been subservient to men, hence the very subservient female
curtsey gesture (also spelled curtsy), which survives now only in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or
ending a stage performance.
possible
meaning(s)
handshake dominance Usually a firm handshake, the 'upper hand' tends to impose and/or
handshake submission,
accommodating
detailed explanation
create a dominant impression.
Usually not a strong handshake, the lower hand has submitted to
the upper hand dominance. How all this ultimately translates into
the subsequent relationship and outcomes can depend on more
significant factors than the handshake.
Whether genuine or not, this handshake is unduly physical and (often)
uncomfortably domineering.
handshake seeking
to convey
trustworthiness
and honesty,
seeking to
control
handshake non-
threatening,
relaxed
handshake enthusiasm A vigorous pumping handshake tends to indicate energy and
Most handshakes are like this, when neither person seeks to control
or to yield.
handshake various Avoid the common view that a weak handshake is the sign of a
handshake outward
confidence
handshake seeking control,
paternalism
enthusiasm of the shaker towards the other person, the meeting,
situation or project, etc). There is a sense of attempting to transfer
energy and enthusiasm, literally, from the vigorous handshaker to the
shaken person, hence the behaviour is popular in motivational folk
and evangelists, etc.
weak or submissive person. It is not. Weak handshakes can be due
to various aspects of personality, mood, etc. People who use their
hands in their profession, for example, musicians, artists, surgeons,
etc., can have quite gentle sensitive handshakes. Strong but passive
people can have gentle handshakes. Old people can have weak
handshakes. A weak handshake might be due to arthritis. Young
people unaccustomed to handshaking can have weak handshakes. It's
potentially a very misleading signal.
Avoid the common view that a firm handshake is the sign of a
strong solid person. It is not. Firm handshakes are a sign of outward
confidence, which could mask deceit or a weak bullying nature, or
indicate a strong solid person. Strength of a handshake is not by itself
an indicator of positive 'good' mood or personality, and caution is
required in reading this signal. It is widely misinterpreted.
When a handshake is accompanied by the left hand clasping the other
person's right arm this indicates a wish to control or a feeling of care,
which can be due to arrogance. To many this represents an unwanted
invasion of personal space, since touching 'permission' is for the
handshake only.
Legs and feet - body language
Legs and feet body language is more difficult to control consciously or fake than some body language of arms and
hands and face. Legs and feet can therefore provide good clues to feelings and moods, if you know the signs.
Men and women sit differently, which needs to be considered when reading leg body language. Partly due to clothing
and partly due to sexual differences, men naturally exhibit more open leg positions than women, which should be
allowed for when interpreting signals. Certain open-leg male positions are not especially significant in men, but would
be notable in women, especially combined with a short skirt.
Older women tend to adopt more modest closed leg positions than younger women, due to upbringing, social trends,
equality and clothing. Again take account of these influences when evaluating signals.
Also consider that when people sit for half-an-hour or more they tend to change their leg positions, which can include
leg crossing purely for comfort reasons. Again allow for this when interpreting signals.
Leg signals tend to be supported by corresponding arms signals, for example crossed arms and crossed legs, which
aside from comfort reasons generally indicate detachment, disinterest, rejection or insecurity, etc.
N.B. Where the terms 'leg crossing' and 'crossed legs' are used alone, this refers to the legs being crossed at both
knees. The 'American' or 'Figure-4' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee by the ankle
or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is also called the American
leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably among males.
possible
meaning(s)
legs/knees interest,
attentiveness
(according to
direction)
legs openness In sitting positions, open uncrossed leg positions generally indicate
legs properness This unusual in men, especially if the knees point an angle other than
legs caution,
disinterest
legs interest or
disinterest in
direction of
upper crossed
knee
legs independent,
stubborn
legs / arm
resistant,
stubborn
legs arrogance,
combative,
sexual
posturing
legs defensiveness Knees may be apart (among men predominantly) or together (more
detailed explanation
Generally a seated person directs their knee or knees towards the
point of interest. The converse is true also - legs tend to point away
from something or someone which is uninteresting or threatening.
The rule applies with crossed legs also, where the upper knee
indicates interest or disinterest according to where it points. The more
direct and obvious the position, the keener the attraction or repellent
feeling.
an open attitude, contrasting with with crossed legs, which normally
indicate a closed attitude or a degree of caution or uncertainty.
straight ahead. The posture was common in women due to upbringing
and clothing and indicates a sense of properness.
Crossed legs tend to indicate a degree of caution or disinterest, which
can be due to various reasons, ranging from feeling threatened, to
mildly insecure.
Generally the upper crossed leg and knee will point according to
the person's interest. If the knee points towards a person then it
signifies interest in or enthusiasm for that person; if it points away
from a person it signifies disinterest in or a perceived threat from
that person. Signs are more indicative when people first sit down and
adopt initial positions in relation to others present. Signs become
less reliable when people have been sitting for half-an-hour or so,
when leg crossing can change more for comfort than body language
reasons.
The 'American' or 'figure-4' leg cross is a far more confident posture
than the conventional 'both knees' leg cross. It exposes the genital
region, and typically causes the upper body to lean back. The crossed
leg is nevertheless a protective barrier, and so this posture is regarded
as more stubborn than the 'both knees' leg cross.
This is a more protective and stubborn version of the plain American
leg cross, in which (usually) the opposite hand to the crossing leg
clamps and holds the ankle of the crossing leg, effectively producing a
locked position, which reflects the mood of the person.
This is a confident dominant posture. Happily extreme male open-
crotch posing is rarely exhibited in polite or formal situations since the
signal is mainly sexual. This is a clear exception to the leg/knee point
rule since the pointing is being done by the crotch, whose target might
be a single person or a wider audience. Not a gesture popularly used
by women, especially in formal situations and not in a skirt. Regardless
of gender this posture is also combative because it requires space
and makes the person look bigger. The impression of confidence is
increased when arms are also in a wide or open position.
natural in women). There is also a suggestion of suppressing negative
emotion.
splayed legs, legs aggression, Splayed, that is wide-parted legs create (usually unconsciously) a firm
standing ready for action base from which to defend or attack, and also make the body look
respectful Standing upright, legs straight, together and parallel, body quite
legs insecurity or
sexual posing
legs insecurity or
submission or
engagement
under pressure Obviously a pronounced knee buckle is effectively a collapse due to
feet foot direction
indicates
direction of
interest
feet directed
towards
dominant
group member
feet relaxation,
flirting, sexual
wider. Hands on hips support the interpretation.
upright, shoulders back, arms by sides - this is like the military 'at
attention' posture and is often a signal of respect or subservience
adopted when addressed by someone in authority.
Also called 'leg twine', this is a tightly crossed leg, twined or wrapped
around the supporting leg. Depending on the circumstances the leg
twine can either be a sign of retreat and protection, or a sexual display
of leg shapeliness, since a tight leg-cross tends to emphasise muscle
and tone. Assessing additional body language is crucial for interpreting
such signals of potentially very different meanings.
Typically observed in groups of standing people at parties or other
gatherings, defensive signals such as crossed legs and arms among the
less confident group members is often reinforced by a physical and
audible lack of involvement and connection with more lively sections
of the group. Where legs are crossed and arms are not, this can
indicate a submissive or committed agreement to stand and engage,
so the standing leg cross relays potentially quite different things.
severe stress or actually carrying a heavy weight, and similarly a less
obvious knee bend while standing can indicate the anticipation of an
uncomfortable burden or responsibility.
Like knees, feet tend to point towards the focus of interest - or away
from something or someone if it is not of interest. Foot direction or
pointing in this context is a subtle aspect of posture - this is not using
the foot to point at something; it is merely the direction of the feet
when sitting or standing in relation to people close by.
The signal is interesting among groups, when it can indicate
perceptions of leadership or dominance, i.e., the forward foot points
at the leader or strongest member of the group.
A woman would usually be relaxed to display this signal. In certain
situations dangling a shoe from the foot, and more so slipping the foot
in and out of the shoe has sexual overtones.
The technical term for the personal space aspect of body language is proxemics. The word was devised by Edward
Twitchell Hall (b.1914), an American anthropologist and writer on body language and non-verbal communications,
especially relating to cross-cultural understanding. His 1963 book, Proxemics, A Study of Man's Spacial Relationship,
no doubt helped popularize the new word. Here is Edward Twitchell Hall's website - he's an interesting character,
and one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. His other books are listed in the body language
references section below. Robert Ardrey is cited by Julius Fast as another significant expert and writer in personal
Proxemics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the amount of space that people find comfortable between
themselves and others.
Personal space dimensions depend notably on the individual, cultural and living background, the situation, and
relationships, however some general parameters apply to most people, which for Western societies, are shown
There are five distinct space zones, which were originally identified by Edward T Hall, and which remain the basis of
personal space analysis today. The first zone is sometimes shown as a single zone comprising two sub-zones.
zone distance for detail
2. Intimate 15-45cm
lovers, and
0-15cm
physical
touching
relationships
physical
touching
relationships
3. Personal 45-120cm
family and close
18in-4ft
friends
non-touch
1.2-3.6m
interaction,
social, business
no interaction,
ignoring
Sometimes included with the 2nd zone below, this is a markedly
different zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact
with close friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches, but commonly
does with a lover.
Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships,
but also applies during consenting close activities such as contact
sports, and crowded places such as parties, bars, concerts, public
transport, queues and entertainment and sports spectating events.
Non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be
uncomfortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at worst.
Within the intimate zone a person's senses of smell and touch (being
touched) become especially exercised.
Touching is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence
touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.
Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both
people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people
reach to do it.
People establish this zonal space when they seek to avoid interaction
with others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person is
creates a discomfort or an expectation of interaction.
Mirroring - matching body language signals
When body language and speech characteristics are mirrored or synchronized between people this tends to assist the
process of creating and keeping rapport (a mutual feeling of empathy, understanding, trust).
The term synchronized is arguably a more accurate technical term because mirroring implies visual signals only, when
the principles of matching body language extend to audible signals also - notably speech pace, pitch, tone, etc.
'Mirrored' or synchronized body language between two people encourages feelings of trust and rapport because it
generates unconscious feelings of affirmation.
When another person displays similar body language to our own, this makes us react unconsciously to feel, "This
person is like me and agrees with the way I am. I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too."
The converse effect applies. When two people's body language signals are different - i.e., not synchronized - they
feel less like each other, and the engagement is less comfortable. Each person senses a conflict arising from the
mismatching of signals - the two people are not affirming each other; instead the mismatched signals translate into
unconscious feelings of discord, discomfort or even rejection. The unconscious mind thinks, "This person is not like
me; he/she is different to me, I am not being affirmed, therefore I feel defensive."
Advocates and users of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) use mirroring consciously, as a method of 'getting in
tune' with another person, and with a little practice are able to first match and then actually and gently to alter the
signals - and supposedly thereby the feelings and attitudes - of other people, using mirroring techniques.
Speech pace or speed is an example. When you are speaking with someone, first match their pace of speaking, then
gently change your pace - slower or faster - and see if the other person follows you. Often they will do.
People, mostly being peaceful cooperative souls, commonly quite naturally match each other's body language. To do
otherwise can sometimes feel uncomfortable, even though we rarely think consciously about it.
When another person leans forward towards us at a table, we often mirror and do likewise. When they lean back and
Sales people and other professional communicators are widely taught to mirror all sorts of more subtle signals, as a
means of creating trust and rapport with the other person, and to influence attitudes.
Mirroring in this conscious sense is not simply copying or mimicking. Mirroring is effective when movements and
gestures are reflected in a similar way so that the effect remains unconscious and subtle. Obvious copying would be
regarded as strange or insulting.
Body language of seating positioning in relation to others
Lots of unnecessary friction is created in work and communications situations due to ignorance and lack of thought
The 'science' of where people sit in relation to each other, and on what and around what, is fascinating and offers
opportunities for improving relationships, communications, cooperation and understanding.
Here are some guidelines.
These points are generally for the purpose of a leader or someone aspiring to lead, or coach, counsel, etc. They also
relate to one-to-one situations like appraisals, interviews, etc.
Sitting opposite someone creates a feeling of confrontation. For one-to-one meetings, especially with emotional
potential (appraisals for example) take care to arrange seating before the meeting to avoid opposite-facing positions.
If you cannot arrange the seating give very deliberate thought to seating positions before you sit down and/or before
you invite the other person to sit - don't just let it happen because commonly, strangely, people often end up sitting
opposite if free to do so.
Consider the rules about personal space. Do not place chairs so close together that personal space will be invaded.
Conversely sitting too far apart will prevent building feelings of trust and private/personal discussion.
Sitting opposite someone across a table or desk adds a barrier to the confrontational set-up and can create a tension
even when the relationship is good and strong. It's easy to forget this and to find yourself sitting opposite someone
when there are only two of you at the table. Sitting opposite across a table is okay for lovers gazing into each other's
eyes, but not good for work, counselling, coaching, etc.
Sitting behind a work-desk (the boss behind his/her own desk especially) and having someone (especially a
subordinate) sit in a less expensive lower chair across the desk emphasises authority of the boss and adds unhelpfully
to the barrier and the confrontational set-up. This seating arrangement will increase the defensiveness of anyone
already feeling insecure or inferior. This positioning is favoured by certain bosses seeking to reinforce their power,
but it is not helpful in most modern work situations, and is not a good way to increase respectful natural authority
anyway. Incidentally the expression 'on the carpet' - meaning being told off or 'bollocked' - derives from the extreme
form of this positional strategy, when the victim, called into the office would stand to receive their bollocking on the
carpet in front of the boss who sat high and mighty behind his desk. (The boss would typically be male, and beaten/
abused/neglected as a child, but that's another story.)
Sitting at a diagonal angle of about 45 degrees to another person is a comfortable and cooperative arrangement. This
is achieved naturally by both sitting around the same corner of a square table, which also enables papers to be seen
together without too much twisting.
The same angle is appropriate for and easy-chairs around a coffee-table. A table ceases to become a barrier when
people are sitting at a diagonal angle, instead it becomes a common work surface for studying papers, or exploring
Sitting side by side on a settee is not a good arrangement for working relationships. It threatens personal space, and
obstructs communications.
Low settees and easy-chairs and low coffee tables cause people to sink and relax back are usually unhelpful for work
meetings. For this reason much seating in hotel lounges is entirely unsuitable for work meetings. People naturally are
more alert and focused using higher formal table and chairs.
Interviews and appraisals can benefit from relaxed or more formal seating depending on the situation. Importantly
- make a conscious choice about furniture depending on the tone of the meeting, and how relaxed you want the
The 45-degree rule is approximate, and anyway under most circumstances seating angles are influenced by furniture
and available space. Importantly, simply try to avoid opposite or side-by-side positions. An angle between these two
extremes is best - somewhere in the range of 30-60 degrees if you want to be technical about it.
Round tables are better than square or oblong tables for group and team meetings. Obviously this works well because
no-one is at the head of the table, which promotes a feeling of equality and teamwork. King Arthur - or the creator of
the legend (King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table) - opted for a round table for this reason. The term 'round
table' has come to symbolise teamwork and fairness, etc., for a long time. Unfortunately round tables aren't common
in offices, which means thinking carefully about best seating arrangements for square or oblong tables.
A confident leader will be happy to avoid taking the 'head of the table' position, instead to sit among the team,
especially if there are particular reasons for creating a cooperative atmosphere.
Conversely it is perfectly normal for a leader to take the 'head of the table' if firmness is required in chairing or
mediating, etc. It is usually easier to chair a meeting from the head of the table position.
Theory suggests that when a group sits around a table the person sitting on the leader's right will generally be the
most loyal and aligned to the leader's thinking and wishes. A (likely) mythical origin is said to be that in Roman times
a leader would place their most loyal supporter to their right because this was the most advantageous position from
which to attempt an assassination by stabbing (given that most people then as now were right-handed). Assassination
by stabbing is rare in modern work meetings, so positioning an opponent on your right side (instead of allowing the
normal opposite positioning to happen) can be a useful tactic since this indicates confidence and strength.
In large gatherings of 20-30 people or more, a 'top table' is often appropriate for the leader and guest speakers. While
this seems like a throwback to more autocratic times, it is perfectly workable. Groups of people above a certain size
are far more likely to expect firm direction/leadership, if not in making decisions, certainly to keep order and ensure
smooth running of proceedings. Therefore seating arrangements for large groups should provide a clear position of
control for the chairperson or event leaders.
Body language in different cultures
Here are some brief pointers concerning body language variations and gestures in cultures which differ from Western
(US/UK notably) behaviour.
People in/from parts of India may to shake their head from side to side as a sign of agreement and active listening. In
the UK/west we tend to nod our head to agree and affirm and to show we are listening; in India it is not unusual for
people to move their heads from side to side in giving these reactions. It is also seen as respectful practice. (Thanks
S Churchill. Incidentally on this point, sideways head-shaking of this sort is not a vigorous twisting movement; it is
usually more of a sideways tilting of the head from one side to the other.)
This point (thanks R Fox) concerns eye contact. Eye contact (other than unwanted staring) is generally regarded as a
positive aspect of body language in Western cultures, which in this context typically refers to white European people
and descendents. A specific difference regarding eye contact can be found in some black Caribbean cultures however,
whereby young people tend to be instructed not look at someone eye to eye when being told off or disciplined. When
cultures meet obviously this provides potential for friction, given the 'Western' expectation in such situations, for
example, "Look at me when I'm talking to you".
Filipino people (and in fact many other people of all races) can find it offensive/uncomfortable when beckoned by a
repeatedly curled index finger - the gesture evokes feelings of having done something wrong and being chastised for
In some Australian Aboriginal cultures, it is disrespectful to look an elder, or person of a rank above you, in the eyes.
It is a sign of respect to drop your eyes, (whereas in Western culture not meeting somebody's gaze is commonly
considered to be a negative sign, indicating deceit, lying, lack of attention, lack of confidence, etc).
Showing the soles of the feet is insulting and rude in many Asian and Arab cultures. Similarly pointing the foot or feet
at anyone is rude. Feet are considered dirty.
In Arab culture the left hand is commonly considered unclean due to associations with toilet functions, and should
therefore not be offered or used for touching or eating. When in doubt in Arab environments, using the right hand for
everything is a safer idea.
In Arab countries the thumbs-up gesture is rude.
The eyebrow flash may be considered rude or to carry sexual connotations in Japanese culture. Informal male-female
touching is less common and can be considered improper in Japan.
The American-style 'OK' sign - a circle made with thumb and index-finger with other fingers fanned or outstretched -
is a rude gesture in some cultures, notably Latin America, Germany and the Middle East.
Beckoning gestures in Eastern cultures are commonly made with the palm down, whereas Western beckoning is
The offensive British/Western two-fingered V-sign is not necessarily offensive in Japan and may be considered
positive like the Western palm-outwards 'victory' or 'peace' V-sign in the West.
In some countries, Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria for example, moving the head up/down or from side to side may
have additional or different meanings to those conventionally interpreted in the UK/US. Specifically, in Turkey, aside
from using conventional (US/UK-style) head nodding and shaking, some people may also signal 'no' by moving their
head up. (This is a refinement of previous details about head movements in body language, and I welcome more
information especially from people overseas as to precise variations to US/UK conventional meanings in signally yes
and no, and anything else, with head movements.)
Arab handshaking tends to be more frequent and less firm - on meeting and departing, even several times in the
In Japan the male bow is still commonly used, when the depth of the bow increases with the amount of respect
shown, and is therefore a signal of relative status between two people.
In The Netherlands people touch the temple with the index finger in order to indicate someone (or an action) is smart
or intelligent. Touching the forehead with the index finger means someone (or an action) is stupid or crazy. In Russia
these meanings are reversed.
Here are some Japanese body language insights, especially for doing business in Japan (thanks R Wilkes):
• High-pitched laughter means nervousness.
• On introduction, do not offer a handshake. Depth of bow is impossible to judge without immense
experience: it is sufficient for a Westerner to bow shallowly.
• Business cards should be exchanged at the first possible opportunity. The card received should be held in
both hands and examined carefully, and then stored, preferably in a wallet, on the upper half of the body. Holding
a person's identity in one hand is casual/disrespectful. The trouser pocket is a rude place.
• Blowing one's nose into a handkerchief in public is obscene. (What other bodily waste do you wrap up in
cotton and put in your pocket?..)
• Japanese businesses (unless they cannot afford it) have two types of meeting room: a Western style room
with central table, and a room with sofas. The sofa room is for non-antagonistic meetings. In general, the 45
degree rule seems to apply here - better to sit on adjacent sides than across from one another. This room can be
a great place to cut deals. Nevertheless, the 'table' room is where transactions are formalised. There the host of
the meeting sits nearest to (and preferably with his back to) the door. (This is probably chivalric in origin - he is first
in the way of any invader to the room.) His team sits on the same side of the table in descending rank. The chief
guest sits opposite him and similarly the minions decline to the side. The head of the table is not generally used in
bilateral (two parties) meetings except by people brought in to advise on components of the agenda. A great boss
may spend much of the meeting with his eyes closed. He is considering what is being said by the subordinates and
does not need visual distraction. However, if he has a firm steer to give, he will instruct his deputy and this will be
• Loss of eye contact is quite normal with lower ranking people: if they drop their head, this indicates deep
• Otherwise, pure body signals are quite similar to Western ones, with one notable exception: touching the
tip of the nose from straight ahead signals 'I/me'.
• The Japanese language does have a word for 'no' but it is rarely used in business for fear of causing offence
or loss of face. "Yes, but..." is substantially more acceptable.
I welcome refinements and additions for body language in other cultures. Please send any you can contribute.
(Thanks to D Ofek, G van Duin, L Campbell, F Suzara, M Baniasadi, S Aydogmus, and particularly to R Wilkes for the
Flirting, courtship, dating and mating - sexual body language
Many signals in flirting, dating and mating body language are covered in the general translation signals above,
and the fundamental principles of social/work body language also apply to the development or blocking of sexual
Of course lots of flirting, and more, goes on at work, but for the purposes of this article it's easier to keep the two
There are some differences which can completely change the nature of a signal given in a sexual context. Sitting
opposite someone is an example, which is confrontational at work, but is often intimate and enabling for sexual and
romantic relationships: full constant eye-to-eye contact is helpful for intimacy, as is full frontal facing between male
and female for obvious reasons.
Personal space must also be considered in a different way in social-sexual situations compared to work and non-
sexual situations: At work, the primary consideration is given to respecting the personal zones and not invading closer
than the situation warrants. In a sexual flirting context however, personal space becomes the arena for ritual and
play, and within reason is more of a game than a set of fixed limits.
Dancing is further example of how body language operates at a different level in sexual-social situations. Different
tolerances and tacit (implied) permissions apply. It's a ritual and a game which humans have played for thousands of
Dancing relates strongly to the attention stage of the dating/mating/courtship process. In many ways courtship
echoes the selling and advertising model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action). This is also known as the Hierarchy
of Effects, since steps must be successfully completed in order to achieve the sale at the end. For example, nothing
happens without first attracting attention, a point commonly ignored by people looking for a mate. The attention
stage is even more critical in crowded and highly competitive environments such as nightclubs and dating websites.
And while not technically part of body language, environment is a vital aspect of dating and mating. The environment
in which the dating activity is pursued equates to market/audience-targeting in business. People seeking a mate are
effectively marketing themselves. Commonly people head to where everyone else goes - to nightclubs and dating
websites - but crucially these environments are highly unsuitable markets for many people, for instance those not
good at dancing, and those not good at writing and communicating online. Just as a business needs to find the best
markets and ways of reaching its target audience, so in dating people can seek environments where they can best
display their strengths and where relevant 'buyers' will be.
Knowing about flirting body language becomes more useful in a favourable environment.
Female indications of interest in a male
Females have very many more ways of attracting attention to themselves than males, and so are able to express
interest and availability in far more ways than males tend to do.
Female interest in males is relatively selective. Male interest in females is by comparison constant and indiscriminate.
This is due fundamentally to human mating behaviour, evolved over many thousands of years, in which essentially
women control the chase and the choice, and men respond primarily to female availability and permissions. These
differences in behaviour perhaps mainly exist because females produce one viable egg per month, about 500 in a
lifetime, whereas males make several hundred sperm every day. Do the math, as they say.
As with interpreting body language generally, beware of concluding anything based on a single signal. Clusters of
signals are more reliable. Foot pointing, knee pointing, and leg-crossing signals can all be due simply to comfort,
rather than expressions of interest or sexual appeal.
Aside from the specific flirting and sexual attraction signs below, females also express interest using the general
signalling explained in the earlier sections, e.g., prolonged direct eye contact, active responsive listening, attentive
open alert postures and body positions, etc.
Here are the most common female flirting body language signals and meanings, according to experts on the subject:
eye contact - anything more than a glance indicates initial interest.
eye catch and look away - establishing eye contact then looking away or down is said by many experts to be the
standard initial signal of interest designed to hook male reaction. The reliability of the signal meaning is strengthened
when repeated and/or reinforced with longer eye-contact.
eye-widening - interest, simultaneously increasing attractiveness/appeal.
eyelash flicker - subtle movement of eyelashes to widen eyes briefly.
pupil dilating - interest, liking what is seen, arousal.
looking sideways up - lowering head, slightly sideways, and looking up - also known as doe-eyes, with eyelashes
normally slightly lowered - displays interest and vulnerability/coyness, most famously employed by Diana Princess
of Wales, notably in her interview with Martin Bashir in battle for public sympathy following her split with Prince
shoulder glance - looking sideways towards the target over the shoulder signals availability, and hence interest.
smiling - obvious sign of welcoming and friendliness.
moistening lips - lips are significant in signalling because (psychologists say) they mimic the female labia, hence the
potency of red lipstick (suggesting increased blood flow) and moistening/licking the lips.
parted lips - significant and potent attraction signal.
preening - especially of hair, which exposes the soft underarm.
flicking hair - often combined with a slight tossing movement of the head.
canting (tilting) head - also exposes neck.
showing inner wrist or forearm - a soft vulnerable area and erogenous zone.
straightening posture - standing taller, chest out, stomach in - a natural response to feeling the urge to appear more
self-touching - drawing attention to sexually appealing parts of the body; neck, hair, cleavage, thigh, etc. - additionally
self-touching is said to represent transference/imagining of being touched - and of course demonstration of what it
would be like for the target to do the touching; teasing in other words.
self thigh-stroking - usually while sitting down - same as self-touching.
standing opposite - normally a confrontational positioning, but in flirting allows direct eye contact and optimizes
engagement. Refer also to personal space rules: less than 4ft between people is personal; less than 18 inches is
intimate and only sustainable when there is some mutual interest and attraction, especially when direct facing
and not in a crowded environment. N.B. Crowded environments distort the personal space rules, where implied
permissions (e.g., for public transport and dense crowds or queues) override normal interpretations.
leaning forward - sitting or standing; leaning forwards towards a person indicates interest and attraction.
foot pointing - direction can indicate person of interest.
knee-pointing - as foot pointing.
leg twine - a tight-leg cross 'aimed' (combined with eye contact) at a target, or when sitting one-to-one, increases
sexual allure since it emphasises leg shape and tone. When employed flirtatiously, female leg crossing and uncrossing
also has obvious sexual connotations and stimulates basic urges in males.
shoe-dangling - positive signal of relaxation or of greater promise, especially if the foot thrusts in and out of the shoe.
pouting - pouting involves tightening the lips together; the tongue rises to the roof of the mouth as if ready to
swallow. Pouting displays various emotions, not always a sexual one, for example projection of the lower lip indicates
upset. An attraction pout looks more like the initial forming of a kiss.
picking fluff - removing fluff, hair, etc., from the target's clothes is playing in the intimate personal space zone, in
which the fluff picking is merely a pretext or excuse.
fondling cylindrical objects - phallic transference, for instance using pens, a dangling earring, a wine glass stem, etc.
mirroring - mirroring or synchronizing gestures and positions is a signal of interest and attraction. See mirroring.
When considering body language in such detail, remember that males and females rely greatly on conversation and
verbal communication to determine mutual attraction as soon as the situation allows. Body language in flirting can be
significant in indicating a strong match, but just as easily can merely be an initial filtering stage which progresses no
further because other (infinitely variable) personal or situational criteria on either or both sides are not met.
Also bear in mind that a lot of flirting happens for fun with no intention of proceeding to sexual or romantic
The purpose of this page is chiefly to explain body language signals, not to explain human relationships.
Male interest in females
As stated earlier there are reasons for the relative sparseness of male signals compared to female flirting signals.
Most men are interested perpetually in most women, and therefore male signals are generally designed to attract the
attention of any females, rather than directed at one female in particular.
Male interest is basically always switched on and ready to respond to opportunity when female availability and
interest are signalled and noticed.
Men believe they take the lead, but actually mostly women do.
Male signals of interest in females essentially follow normal body language rules, for example widening eyes, dilated
pupils, forward leaning, prolonged direct eye contact, active listening reactions, and these come into play once eye
contact and/or proximity is established.
The most prevalent signals males use to announce their availability and attract female attention are summarised
below. Under many circumstances these might be categorised under the headings 'pathetic' or 'amusing'. The male of
the species, despite a couple of million years of evolution, has yet to develop much subtle body language in this area.
posturing - erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
wide stance - legs apart (standing or sitting) - to increase size.
cowboy stance - thumbs in belt loops, fingers pointing to genital area.
hands in pockets - thumbs out and pointing to genitals.
'chest-thumping' - a metaphor describing various male antics designed to draw attention to themselves, often
involving play-punching or wresting other males, laughing too loudly, head-tossing, acting the fool, etc.
room scanning - males who are available and looking for females tend to scan the room, partly to look for available
females, but also to indicate they are available themselves.
dress - clothing: style, fit, cleanliness, etc - is all an extension of personality and is therefore part of body language.
preening and grooming - adjusting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves, tugging at trouser crotch, running hands through or
smell - certain smells are attractive to females but it's a complex and highly personal area yet to be understood well.
Answers on a postcard please.
tattoos - here's an interesting one, commonly ignored in conventional body language flirting guides. Tattoos have
dramatically altered in society's perceptions in the past generation. Previously considered indicative of lower class,
lower intellect, sailors, soldiers, builders, etc., nowadays they are everywhere on everyone. Tattoos have been a
significant part of human customs for thousands of years. They are decorative, and also (in evolutionary terms)
suggested strength and machismo, since the process of obtaining them was painful and even life-threatening. Certain
females are attracted by tattoos on men, especially extensive markings. It's a drastic step to improve one's love life,
but worthy of note, because the subject is not as simple and negative as traditionally regarded. Tattoos are significant
attention-grabbers, and given the variety of subjects featured, also provide interesting talking points.
body piercings - again more complex than traditionally considered, piercings do attract attention and signify the
dancing - dancing, in a suitable place of course, has for thousands of years been an opportunity for males and females
to display their physical and sexual potential. With the exception perhaps of pogo-ing and head-banging most dance
styles replicate sexual movements - lots of rhythmic hip and leg work, contorted facial expressions, sweating and
occasional grunting, etc. For those blessed with a level of coordination dancing offers an effective way of attracting
attention, especially in crowded competitive situations. For the less rhythmic, the lesson is to find a different
The initial stages of a (usually) male-female sexual relationship are commonly represented as quite a structured
process, summarised below.
Incidentally courtship traditionally refers to the early stages of a male-female relationship leading up to sex, babies,
marriage and family life, (followed for many by mutual tolerance/indifference/loathing and acrimonious break-up).
Flirting is a common modern term for the early stages of courtship, or the beginnings of extra-marital affairs, which is
misleading since most flirting happens for fun and rarely progresses beyond non-sexual touching.
If considering flirting/courtship body language in the context of dating and mating, it's useful to recall the selling
and advertising model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action), and especially that nothing happens without first
Significantly, women are said generally make the first move - by signalling interest through establishing eye contact,
and then confusingly for men, looking away.
The process can disintegrate at any moment, often before it begins, because most men are too interested in
themselves or the bloody football on the pub telly to notice the eye contact.
Where the process reaches past the first stage, here broadly is how it is said by body language experts to unfold:
1. Eye contact (females typically lower or avert their eyes once firm contact is made).
2. Returned eye contact (by male).
3. Mutual smiling.
4. Preening, grooming, posturing (male and female).
5. Moving together as regards personal space (male typically walks to female).
7. Attentive active listening (or simulation of this, sufficient mutually to retain sense of mutual interest).
8. Synchronizing/mirroring each other's body language.
9. Touching (more significantly by the female; subtle touching can happen earlier, and at this stage can
become more intimate and daring).
A generation ago this process took a little longer than it does today. Alcohol accelerates things even more.
You'll see variations of the above sequence in body language books, and no doubt in real life too.
Males tend to react to obvious signs of availability shown by females but miss many subtle signals.
Females give lots of subtle signals, tend not to repeat them too often, and infer lack of interest in a male failing to
It's a wonder that anyone gets together at all.
The fact that most people do confirms that courtship is more complex than we readily understand.
Bowing and curtseying body language
Although now rare in Western society bowing and curtseying are interesting because they illustrate the status and
relationship aspects of body language, which are so significant in one-to-one situations.
Bowing - Bowing is mainly a male gesture. Bending the upper body downwards towards another person or group is a
signal of appreciation or subservience. The bow was in olden times a standard way for men to greet or acknowledge
another person of perceived or officially higher status. The bow is also a gesture of appreciation and thanks which
survives in entertainment and performance. Male bowing traditionally varied from a modest nod of the head, to a
very much more pronounced bend of the body from the hips. Depth of bend reflects depth of respect or appreciation.
For added dramatic effect the feet may be moved tightly together. A very traditional Western bow involves a
deeper bend combined with the (normally) right-leg pushing backwards or 'scraping' on the ground, hence the
expression 'bowing and scraping'. The effect can be augmented by the bower's hand pressing horizontally on the
stomach, and the other arm extended, or sweeping extravagantly in a circular motion, made all the more dramatic
if combined with removing a hat. Such behaviour is rare outside of Christmas pantomimes these days, however
interestingly even in modern times you will see men slightly nodding their heads in an involuntary 'semi-bow' when
meeting a person and wishing to show respect or admiration. As such, the small nod or bow of a head can be a
clue to perceived seniority in relationships. Bowing has long been more significant and complex in Eastern cultures,
where the gesture carries a similar deferential meaning, albeit it within more formal protocols and traditions. The
fundamental body language of bowing is rooted in showing subservience by lowering one's gaze and body, literally
putting the bower at a lower level than the other person. Bowing remains significant in Japanese culture.
Curtsey/curtsy - The curtsey is the female equivalent of the male bow, and in their most extreme versions curtseying
and bowing gestures are quite similar. A curtsey is a bend of the knees, combined with a slight bow of the head, and
sometimes a lifting of the skirt or dress at each side, at knee-height, by both hands. This skirt-lift dates from olden
times when this prevented a long skirt from touching wet or muddy ground. The female curtsey gesture survives
in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage or dance performance, in which you might see
an older more flamboyant and deeper curtsey entailing one knee bending sideways and the other leg bending
behind. Curtseying has effectively now been replaced by handshaking, although as with male bowing it is possible
sometimes to see small head bows by women when meeting and shaking hands with someone regarded as superior
Bowing and curtseying as conscious intentional gestures have effectively disappeared from Western behaviour, but
importantly people's body language continues to give much smaller unconscious signals which can be linked to these
old formal gestures and their meanings.
Body language glossary
This is not an exhaustive collection of body language terminology - just a summary of the main and most interesting
absorbed actions - actions stimulated through unconscious mirroring.
active listening - listening very attentively and empathizing and reflecting back understanding through body language
adaptors - small signals given when anxious or when behaving in a way that does not comfortably match the feelings,
for example lip-biting or face-touching, which are self-comforting signals.
alerting/announcement gestures - indicating need to speak, for example raising a hand, or taking a breath and lifting
american leg cross - the 'American' or 'Figure-4' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee
by the ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is called the
American leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably among males.
anthropology - the study of humankind in all respects - especially culturally, socially and in evolutionary terms,
and how these key aspects inter-relate. The word anthropology is from Greek anthropos meaning human being.
Anthropology, like psychology and ethnology and ethology, is a science which over-arches the study of body
language, and provides useful (and for serious students, essential) context for understanding the reasons and
purposes of body language. Anthropology has been studied one way or another for thousands of years and became
established under that name in the 1500s. The Human Genome project, which basically mapped the human genetic
code (started 1990, completed in 2003, and ongoing) is probably the largest anthropological study ever performed.
asymmetric/asymmetry - describing gestures or facial expressions, especially a smile, that are not symmetrical (equal
on both sides), which tends to indicate incongruence or a mixed signal and not what it might initially seem to mean.
auto-contact - describing self-touching gestures and actions.
autonomic/automatic signals - effectively involuntary stress-induced physiological behaviours, such as crying,
shaking, blushing, quickened pulse-rate, and in extreme cases retching, vomiting, fainting, etc. Involuntary in the
sense that it is virtually impossible to control these signals because they are controlled by the very basic part of the
brain responsible for our most basic bodily functions. Breathing rate is perhaps the exception, which while in many
cases will speed as a physiological response to stress, can often be controlled and slowed or deepened given suitable
back-channel signals - positive body language reactions to a speaker.
baton signals - gestures which reinforce the rhythm of speech.
barrier - describing signals in which the hands or arms or a table, or adjusting clothing, etc., form a defence or
obstruction between two people, such a folded arms.
buttress stance - weight bearing leg is straight, while the front leg is forward, usually with the foot pointing outwards
from the body. Regarded as a signal of reluctance or readiness to depart.
cluster - term for a group of body language signals, which more reliably indicate meaning or mood than a single
cognitive dissonance - conflicting understanding or feelings - cognition is understanding things through thought;
dissonance is disharmony or conflict. This is a widely used term in psychology and the effect arises very commonly in
relationships and communications. Conflicting body language signals can sometimes indicate this attitude or reaction
compliance - submissive behaviour, hence compliance signals or signs, which indicate this.
courtship - an old term for (typically) male-female relations from initial meeting through to going-out relationship
stage. Courtship in olden times (broadly since the middle ages up until the mid-late 1900s) referred to quite formal
steps of increasing familiarity between male and female, through to intimacy, perhaps with a little touching of hands
or kissing, and lots of going out for walks and visits to the cinema or theatre, etc. Sex might not rear its scary head
for weeks, months or years; and sometimes, especially if the female was from an elite or religiously obsessed family,
not until the wedding night. Nowadays 'courtship' is a much speedier affair and among modern young people can be
started, fully consummated and effectively forgotten in a matter of minutes.
denial - signals of denial effectively undo or contradict more conscious typically false or manufactured body language,
thereby betraying true feeling or motive.
displacement - a stress signal typically prompted by suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other inhibition, for
example biting fingernails, picking at finger(s) or thumb.
distraction - signalling prompted by stress, usually quite inappropriate to the needs of the situation, for example
stretching and relaxing, or pausing to take a drink when an emergency arises.
emotional intelligence - also known as EQ, Emotional Intelligence is based on 'feeling intelligence' (rather than IQ -
Intelligence Quotient - based on logical intelligence), and the capability to understand and communicate with others
very empathically, which requires awareness of emotional behavior and ability to deal with people sensitively.
emphatic/emphasizing gestures - gestures which reinforce the meaning of spoken words, e.g., jabbing fingers,
erogenous zone - any part of the human body particularly sensitive to touching and sexual arousal - the word
erogenous first appeared in the late 1800s which suggests when the effect was first analyzed and recorded in any
serious sense. The word erogenous derives from Eros, the Greek god of love (Cupid is Roman), from which the word
erotic also derives. Erogenous zones contain high concentration of nerve endings and are significant in flirting and
sex. Aside from the obvious genital areas and bottoms and breasts, erogenous zones include necks, inner side of arms
and wrists, armpits and lips. Incidentally the G in G-spot is named after Ernst Grafenberg (1881-1957) a German-
born gynaecological doctor and scientist who as well as being an expert on the female orgasm, was first to invent and
commercially market a IUD (intrauterine device or coil) for female birth control.
ethnology - the study of different ethnic people and their differences and relationships. Ethnology is a branch of
anthropology, concerned with ethnic effects, and where this involves behavior it certainly relates to body language.
The word ethnology is derived from Greek ethnos meaning nation. The establishment of the science and word
ethnology is credited to Slovakian/Austrian Adam Franz Kollar (1718-1783), a nobleman, professor and librarian who
became a Court Councilor for the Habsburg Monarchy of the Kingdom of Hungary, as it once was. The modern study
and awareness of ethnology is arguably hampered by sensitivities around racism. Ethnic differences between people
obviously exist, and ironically where over-sensitivity to racism and equality obstructs debate, society's understanding
of these issues remains clouded and confused.
ethology - ethology is primarily the science of animal behaviour, but increasingly extends to human behaviour and
social organization. The word ethology first appeared in English in the late 1800s, derived from the Greek word ethos
meaning character or disposition. Ethology became properly established during the early 1900s. Austrian zoologist
and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad Lorenz (1903-89) was a founding figure. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked
Ape, is an ethologist. So is the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. Where ethology considers animal evolution
and communications, it relates strongly to human body language. Charles Darwin's work pioneered much ethological
eye flash - a sudden direct glance to attract attention or warn, usually followed by some other more specific signal.
eyebrow flash - quickly raising and lowering both eyebrows - typically in greetings, recognition, acknowledgement, or
surprise. An eyebrow flash can therefore also be a signal of positive interest.
eye shrug - upwards eye-roll signalling frustration.
face frame - framing the face with the hands to hold or attract listeners' attention.
haptics - the study of human touch, from the Greek word haptikos, meaning able to touch. The word haptics in this
sense entered the English language in the 1800s, which indicates when human touch began to be a serious area of
hybrid expression - a term apparently originated by Charles Darwin, it refers to a facial expression which combines
two seemingly different or opposing meanings, for example a smile with a head-turn away from the person the smile
is meant for. Hybrid expressions provide further emphasis of the need to avoid reading single signals. Combinations of
signals and context are necessary, especially to make sense of hybrid expressions which contain different meanings.
illustrative gesture - gestures which shape or describe the physical dimensions of something by using the hands in the
index finger - first finger of the hand - usually the most dominant and dexterous finger, hence used mostly in pointing
kine - an obscure term describing a single body language signal (devised by body language expert Dr Ray Birdwhistell,
c.1952, from the longer term kinesics).
kinesics - the technical term for body language. Kinesics is pronounced 'kineesicks' with stress on the 'ee'). The word
kinesics was first used in English in this sense in the 1950s, from the Greek word kinesis, meaning motion.
labial tractors - a wonderful term for the muscles around the mouth. The word labial in phonetics means closure or
part closure of the mouth, and additionally refers to the resulting vowel sounds produced, like w, oo, etc.
leakage - leakage signals are the small signs which are most difficult to control or mask, and which therefore offer
clues even when someone is generally in good control of their outgoing body language signals.
mask/masking - using body language, usually intentionally, to deceive others as to true feelings or motives.
metronome/metronomic signals - these are any rhythmic tappings or movements which indicate a readiness or self-
prompting to speak or take action- a termed devised by body language expert Judi James.
micro-gestures - tiny body language 'leakage' signals, often unconsciously sent and interpreted, more likely to be
seen and reacted to unconsciously rather than consciously, unless concentrating determinedly.
mime/miming gestures - gestures used consciously to convey a specific message, such as extending the thumb and
little finger by the ear to say "Phone me," or wiping imaginary sweat from the brow to express relief after a crisis
mirroring - the synchronizing or matching of body language (and speech characteristics), usually between two people,
which helps build feelings of trust and empathy. Mirroring works like this because similar signals produce unconscious
feelings of affirmation. When a person's signals are mirrored the unconscious mind thinks, "This person is like me
and agrees with the way I am. I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too." See NLP (Neuro-
Linguistic Programming), and Empathy. Pacing refers to the mirroring of someone's speed of movements.
NLP/Neuro-linguistic programming - a branch of psychology developed in the 1960s which combines language,
body movement and thought to optimise self-control and development, and relationships and communications with
others. NLP research has fuelled much of the analytical aspects of modern popular body language, notably mirroring
palm - inside surface of the hand - significant in body language because an open palm has for thousands of years
indicated that no weapon is concealed, which survives as perhaps a genetically inherited signal of peace, cooperation,
phallus/phallic - phallus means penis, from the ancient Greek word phallos of the same meaning. Phallic refers
to something which looks like or represents a penis, often called a phallic symbol. Phallic symbols are prevalent in
psychology and aspects of flirting or sexual body language. The female equivalent term is a yonic symbol, from yoni,
Hindu for vulva and a symbolic circular stone representing divine procreation. Yoni was originally an old Sanskrit
word, meaning source or womb.
physiognomy - an obscure yet related concept to body language. Physiognomy refers to facial features and
expressions which indicate the person's character or nature, or ethnic origin. The word physiognomy is derived from
medieval Latin, and earlier Greek (phusiognominia), meaning (the art or capability of) judging a person's nature from
his/her facial features and expressions.
physiology - the branch of biology concerned with how living organisms function, notably parts of the human body.
physiological signals - body language produced by the unconscious basic brain which controls bodily functions, which
in body language can be signals such as sweating, blushing, breathlessness, yawning, weeping, feeling faint, nauseous,
primary emotions - first identified by Charles Darwin, typically represented as happiness, sadness, disgust, anger,
fear, surprise, and linked to universal facial expressions and recognition.
proxemics - the technical term for the personal space aspect of body language. The word and much of the
fundamental theory was devised by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist in the late 1950s and early
1960s. The word is Hall's adaptation of the word proximity, meaning closeness or nearness.
pseudo-infantile gestures - gestures of childlike vulnerability, often made to avert attack, attract sympathy, or to
induce feelings of compassion, attention, etc.
pupil - the round black centre of the eye which enlarges or contracts to let more or less light into the eye. The pupil
generally enlarges (dilates) in the dark, and contracts in brightness. Enlarged pupils are also associated with desire
and allure. Enlarged pupils are not a symptom of smoking drugs as commonly believed. This is probably a confusion
arising from the fact that conditions are relatively dark when such judgements are made.
rictus - a fixed grimace, usually resulting from shock or nervousness. From Latin word meaning 'open mouth'.
scissor stance - standing leg cross. Various meanings very dependant on context and other signals.
self-motivating gestures - gestures signalling attempting to increase mental work-rate or activity, like tapping the
head repeatedly or making circular motions with the hands, as if winding the body up.
show - (noun) - a 'show' is term recently adopted by body language commentators referring to a body language
signal. The term is slang really, not technical. For terminology to become casually 'hip' in this way reflects the
mainstream appeal of body language as a subject.
steepling - forming the fingers into a a pointed roof shape, often signalling elevated thinking or arrogance.
submission/submissive - describing body language which signals inferiority feelings towards another person. May be
conscious and formal as in bowing, or unconscious as in slightly lowering the head and stance.
synchronizing - a technical term equating to mirroring or matching of body language between two people.
Synchronizing is technically more appropriate since it naturally includes audible signals (voice pace and pitch, etc),
whereas the mirroring term normally makes people think of visual signals only. The principles of synchronized body
language definitely include audible signals in addition to physical visual signs.
tell - (noun) - a 'tell' - a slang term similar to 'a show' recently adopted by body language commentators which means
tie signs/signals - signals between lovers or intimate couples which discreetly convey messages to each other and
which are not usually intended for anyone else.
Body language references sources and books
Some of the older books listed here have since been republished by different publishers.
Willhelm Wundt, The Language of Gestures, 1920
Charles Darwin, The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals, 1872, Murray
Edward Twitchell Hall, The Silent Language, 1959, Doubleday
E T Hall, Proxemics - A Study of Man's Spatial Relationship, 1963, International Universities Press
E T Hall, The Hidden Dimension, 1966, Doubleday
J S Bruner and R Taquiri, The Perception of People, 1954, Handbook of Social Psychology, Addison Wesley
Robert Ardrey, The Territorial Imperative, 1966, Dell
Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape, 1967, Cape
Julius Fast, Body Language, 1971, Pan
D Hartland and C Tosh, Guide to Body Language, 2001, Caxton
P Ekman, E R Sorenson and W V Friesen, Pan-Cultural Elements in Facial Displays of Emotion, Science Vol 164, No
C Boyes, Need to Know Body Language, 2005, Harper Collins
E Kuhnke, Body Language for Dummies, 2007, Wiley
Judi James, The Body Language Bible, 2008, Random House
Other significant and founding body language writers include:
Tinbergen, N; Watchtel, P L; Schlefen, A E; Ortega Y Gasset, J; Carpenter, C R; Cherry, C; Dittman, Parloff & Boomer;
Frank, L K; Goffman, E; Kinzell, A F; Mehrabian & Wiener; Nielsen, G; Lorenz, K; Mahl, G F.
The author Roger E Axtell writes entertainingly and informatively about international body language and behaviours.
This section is not particularly scientific. It's more for interest and to make a general point:
Body language and the spoken words themselves do not provide all the clues, there are others.
Other audible signals (apart from the words themselves) also give lots of clues about feeling, mood, motive and
Words themselves convey their own meaning, which is another subject, not least when we think about vocabulary,
grammar, word-choice, etc. But what about all the other noises and silences from people's mouths?
Other audible signals which are not generally regarded as part of body language or non-verbal communications
• pitch (the contant musical note of the voice)
• pace (speed or rate of talking)
• volume - from whispering to shouting
• volume variation (how volume changes in phrases or longer passages of speech)
• intonation and 'musicality' (how the pitch changes according to what is being said)
• timbre (quality or sound of the voice, and how this changes)
• emphasis (of syllables, words or phrases)
• projection (where the voice is being projected to - for example lots of projection, as if talking to a big group,
or none, as if mumbling)
• pauses, silences and hesitation
• 'erm's and 'erh's
• gasps, tuts, and other intakes and exhalations of breath
• habits, such as "I think...," "You know...," "Like...,"
• laughing and giggling (which can be interspersed within speech, or separate signals, such as nervous
and all sorts of other audible/vocal effects, including:
• accents and dialects
• accent affectations ('received' or conditioned, false or exaggerated - permanent or temporary, for example
social climbers, and ordinary people who have a 'telephone voice', or a voice for talking to authority figures)
• mistakes (spoonerisms, malapropisms, mispronunciation)
• drying up, being lost for words, stuttering (as distinct from a stammer)
• overtaking (feeling the need to fill a silence)
• holding back (someone has something to say but isn't saying it)
• coughs and grunts (some types of coughing suggest something other than a tickly throat)
• belching and burping
• tongue clicking, teeth-sucking, raspberries, etc
Technically these signals are not body language or non-verbal communications, but all of these sounds (and silences)
are quite different from the spoken words, and they can all convey more and/or different meaning compared to the
spoken words themselves.
All of this audible signalling happens for a purpose. We might not easily know what the purpose is, but being aware of
it is the start of being able to understand it better, in others, and possibly also in ourselves.
Commonly the more noticeable unnecessary signals are embellishments or defensiveness - a kind of showing-off or
Other aspects can be more subtle indicators of social background or aspiration, and thereby of relationship and
attitude towards other people.
These other audible signals represent a big and complex area which seems yet to have been researched and analysed
to the extent that body language has. Also cultural differences are potentially influential, which hinders translation
and specific interpretation.
Despite this, initially simply being aware of these signals will begin to shape an appreciation of their significance, and
in many cases their underlying meanings.
Johari enthusiasts might enjoy seeking feedback and asking others about what their own signals mean, that is if you/
they are aware of the behaviours.
Certain principles of graphology (handwriting analysis) are helpful in understanding how people use words and
language in a wider sense. The style and nature of our written and vocal expressions inevitably provide a reflection of
our feelings and personality.
We are grateful to Sandra McCarthy for her help in producing this guide to body language.
1. Fast Julius. Body Language[M]. Pocket Books, N.Y. 1971.
2. Hall, Edward T. The Silent Language. Anchor Book Edition, Doubleday and Company. N.Y. 1973.
3. Cherry, Colin. On Human Communication[M]. M.I.T. Press, Cambridge, Mass. 1968.
4. Chomsky, Noam. Language and Mind[M]. Harcourt, Bruce & World, Inc., N.Y. 1978.
12. Eastman, Carol M. Aspects of Language and Culture[M]. Chandler and Sharp Publishers, San Francisco, 1975.
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